It's 8:23 and my daughter is not awake for the day yet. I'm kind of confused because she took an afternoon nap from 3-5 yesterday which usually means a late bedtime (8-8:30) and an early wake up (6-6:30). Ross left just after 6 and before he did, brought me the portable DVD player so I could persuade Sophia to lie in bed with me since he heard her "singing" in her bed. Right after he left she went quiet until NOW! OK she's barely starting to make some noises. Man-- if I could really figure out what formula of sleep gets her to sleep in until 8:30.... that's pretty nice.
So I have c-section on the mind. My friend Lizzie had hers' yesterday morning at 7:30 and is probably coming home today. In case anyone didn't know, I had a c-section with Sophia because she was breech--- (pretty much as breech as they come, feet up at ears, bum down, and head in my rib cage.) I was horrified when my doctor insisted that was my only option... I had fought so long with him to try and have the most natural experience I could handle. (I didn't want any induction, potossin, and in a perfect world, no epidural, but that was definitely up for debate- long labors sound insane to me without drugs.) Anyway, once I conceded to the fact that I didn't really have a choice, or if I thought I did, I could be putting my baby at danger, we went for the c-section. We even had to take her 3 weeks early since I was dilated 4 cm at that point and my going into true labor would have been dangerous. Sure enough, once she was out, and perfect and healthy, I couldn't have cared less what the process was and c-sections no longer seemed so bad. It helped that supposedly my doctor was particularly experienced with them and had the quickest recovery rate in the desert. We were able to go home the next day (like Lizzie will) and while in a lot of pain, I took ibuprofen for 5 days and managed it alright. The whole experience was much better than I'd read and heard about the surgery and over all, I could see why my doctor was, as I called him, a bit c-section happy.
So now, after watching Lizzie go through the same thing, I've been thinking a lot about the next one and I'm terrified all over again. Most doctors refuse, or strongly discourage VBACS (vaginal birth after cesarean). However they also strongly discourage more than three c-sections. So I've just realized that now I'm in a place where I'm either going to feel limited to the number of children I can have (which is just really sad and weird to me), or like I'm putting my baby and myself in danger if I try for a VBAC or try for over three c-sections. Of course they can't keep you from doing either (well my doctor WON'T do a VBAC but I'm sure I could find one that would), but how scary to go through an entire pregnancy knowing that you're pushing it a little bit and your uterus might rupture.
The dangers of VBAC are that during delivery, your scar could rupture and kill mother and child, or for ex. my sister knows someone whose scar ruptured, the baby's head got stuck in it and now she has brain damage-- that she wouldn't have had otherwise-- that would be hard to live with.
I think the dangers with multiple c-sections are just that carrying another baby could rupture your uterus... bad things etc... and then there's just tons of increased risk that comes along with another surgery at that point-- I read about them but don't remember medical terms-- there were a lot. Ross keeps pointing out that a lot of women have high risk pregnancies and do great, and it probably just depends on the body and how well it's recovered from the previous pregnancies.
OK this is probably getting soooo boring. Anyone who has not had a baby might be particularly bored... anyone who has might totally disagree with something I said. I guess my point is just that I'm really concerned lately because I feel like there's a good chance we'll be told we should only have three children and that if we want more, which is the lesser of two dangers? A VBAC, or a 4th c-section. I probably need to stop worrying and figure that we'll have as many as we're supposed to have safely-- as Ross keeps saying. It will all work out... etc... I'm still worried.
So Sophia is talking up a storm in her bed now... better go get her.