On motherhood

Saw this on someone else's blog... probably Little Green Notebook since I did a full dive into her archives. I LOVE this photo. When I was growing up, my mom collected paintings and statues of mother-and-child. So this makes me think of her for a couple of reasons, the other being obvious. (And not because she sits in fields bottomless.)

Just feeling grateful today. For having a mom I feel so tenderly about, and BEING a mom. Oh there is nothing in the world as sweet.

Nothing.

You know how sometimes your kids say things that swell your heart so big it could burst. But to others it doesn't sound like much? This is probably one of those. Disclaimer made if bored from here on.

Last night, our family prayers by Sophia's bed were mostly just her and I. Ross was on the couch-- the pain is still in and out, he must be passing the other stones) Mila was refusing to leave the dollhouse unattended. Sophia volunteered to say it and started with some obnoxious mention of hot dogs with a big hardy laugh. This is her joke of the week. ANYTHING with the word hot-dog in it. NO idea why. But it's bugging me in normal life... so it bugged me even more in a prayer.

"We don't tell jokes in prayers Sophia. And we don't use that crazy cartoon voice... just the normal one."

I thought she'd get all grumpy like she does when I scold her a little for anything. But instead she quickly restarted... forehead against mine, her breath warm on my exhausted, mommy face.

"We're thankful for this day-- and that daddy's tummy's a little better, and we played with toys, and we played with Kate, and we're going to a birthday party tomorrow. And I like to draw... I like to draw my name. And I can draw my name berry well. And my mom--- my mom.... um... my mom is SOOO proud of me because I can write my name berry berry well.... "

this is when my eyes welled up with tears. The same eyes that had been giving her mommy-glare after a day of random "hot-dog" outbursts.

"And I love to draw my letters. I can draw M and O and P and H and I and A... and S. And E, and T, P, N, and V... lots and LOTS of letters. And we're thankful for Jesus. In the name of ......."

Sometimes it's just almost so incredible it hurts. It's just so incredible. So INCREDIBLE that we made these little girls and that they are OUR little girls to nurture and love and encourage and BUILD every ounce of confidence they'll need to take on this world. Ours to teach all about a Heavenly Father and his plan of salvation so they will be FULLY equipped to stand out and be peculiar, and be ok with that. And then I think of kids who are not uplifted and loved and TREASURED and I forget that there could be any greater sin in the world than that.

I'm all over the place.

But I'm the luckiest mom in the world. And today I think I could have a dozen... because I am TERRIFIED at the thought of reaching a day where my home is not ringing with the melody of their little voices saying these precious things.

Just so grateful to be a mommy.

Ross had kidney stones this morning.

I've never seen him in so much pain... it was awful. He woke up in a little pain at 5 or 6 and went downstairs... I noticed he was out of bed earlier than he needed to be for a Sunday but since I can't really think before 8am, I didn't wonder. Then he calls out at like 7 from downstairs, "Lillie! I need help---", I come out and see him lying on the living room floor--- "You need to take me to the emergency room."

I was worried the ER would have a long wait and lots of crazies like it does in the movies, so we decided to do the Urgent Care instead. Unfortunately they didn't open 'till 8, which left Ross throwing up and writhing in pain on the bathroom floor for an hour. Then after waiting at the door to be the first patient in, they took one look at him and his sweaty, ghostly white face and told us to go to the Emergency Room. (It was that or his pajama pant, holey t-shirt and sockless running shoe look.) Either way, bummer.

They took him right in at the ER, and by the time I took the girls to a friend's house and came back, he was lying in a hospital bed calm and peaceful. No moving or wincing or moaning or WRITHING... that really is the only word that describes it. I touched his arm to see if he was awake and he opened his eyes --"they've got me on some wicked good drugs." Oh the miracles of medicine. I was so grateful.

They took him in for a cat scan and then dosed him up a little more when he was still having a bit of pain. Then again--- peace. Ahhh....

The Doctor came in and explained that the biggest one, a 5mm stone had just passed through his something-or-other (the painful part- some tubes below the kidney but before the bladder?) and the worst was over. Phew. There are a few more in his kidneys still but they're little and hopefully won't cause pain like the last one.

So he's had like a dozen glasses of water today and lots of rest and some good drugs and we're CROSSING our fingers that it's over. Cross yours too?

Just because she's lovely.

And because my Internet was down all morning and I finally remembered where we shoved our dusty old router so I could, with the help of the middle-eastern woman on the phone and like 30 minutes wasted, diagnose the problem.

Unplugged chord.

Lame. (Said in the voice of Dwight Shrute on Monsters vs. aliens when he's talking about the omega quadrant. What? Have you not watched it a hundred times like us?)

But seriously, the photo. Doesn't she look like 18? Scary. But she turns my whole heart to butter.

I've been spending too much time on design blogs...

And now I'm in one of those phases where I can't fall asleep at night because I can't stop dreaming about all of the projects I'm going to get done. Notice I said "dreaming". I'm making NO such promises to start or finish ANY of these projects.

But CAN YOU IMAGINE having a playhouse like that in your backyard? Ross, need a new hobby? I find handy-men very attractive.

And the upper left--- did you see those on The Little Green Notebook? They're rain gutter book shelves. So it costs, like nothing--- for wall-spanning book shelves. Just a bit more elbow grease than I might be able to muster. She linked this tutorial on her blog.

The bottom left picture--- I'm into those framed boards... whatever you call them. Where you can stick pictures and notes with pushpins? A couple of frames, spray paint, cute fabric, batting, trim, fabric glue, viola! Lost the link--- but same lovely blog. It seemed easy at the time, but I'm already overwhelmed just thinking of what it probably took... oh to be a bit more crafty.

And lastly, the cute poster. All we have to do for that one is hit purchase. And then hang in Sophia's room.

What do you want to guess is the MOST likely to reappear on my blog in MY house?

And while I'm in the mood for link-sharing... Allie, did you see I finally did my horizontal tabs on my photo blog??? Thank you for sharing your tutorial!

Remember this lovely chair I found at Angel View that I vowed to reupholster back in... ummm.... August?

I did it! Well, if it counts even though I haven't put any kind of trim down to cover the staples yet. And perhaps you can see some of the natural wood where I botched the paint job because I couldn't figure out how to keep the batting down once I'd taken off the ugly fabric. Should have kept it on. I have a bit of a half-way personality... and since it looks done from afar, I'm afraid it might be a long while before I fix those little problems. But anyhoo... one project down! Just 6 months later.

Holy cow--- that's the first time I counted out the months. Sad. Notice there were two? Maybe Ross's ultimatum that the second one is tossed if I don't have it out of his garage in the next 30 days will light a fire under my butt.

And here are a couple of other newbies in the house I've meant to blog. The light fixture from ikea I got a while back and panicked that it was WAY too big for the room. Then Ross put it up and I think I dig it. The rug? A vast improvement from the shaggy old ikea one that left hair balls all over my house, but not the yellow I've been envisioning, so I'm not sold yet.

Can't find any before pictures. I wish I'd done the whole "tag" thing on my posts like everybody else.

In honor of Valentine's Day... right around the corner

We found a heart rock. Well Sophia did. And she treasured it like gold. I think it's lucky. Maybe it'll bring me so much luck my husband's flight will be cancelled and he WON'T go on mancation over valentine's weekend. Uh huh. Two years in a row. This explains all the good-hubby-ness. He butters me up all year long so I'll forgive his leaving me alone on the weekend-for-lovers for some stinky boys and snowmobiling. Pfft. At least I've got my girls to eat heart shaped something-or-others with all weekend long.

And speaking of love. Tere watched my girls last week while I took these pictures of her precious niece. I love these boys.

I think Sophia does too.

(I should mention that the photos at the top were taken AFTER crazy hair day, which is why she's got four ponies. They were, however taken BEFORE she cut one of the ponies off because "crazy hair day was over"... that's what I get for being too lazy to wash it for a few days. Ross came upstairs to me with a fist full of blonde hair .... "it happened.... " . I think we'll survive it with some clips and the usual french braid in front.... )

Blogger Problem-- anyone?

Does anyone know why I'm suddenly not getting my comments to my email? I've always had it set up in my blogger settings to notify me through email and the last couple of weeks it hasn't been happening. I've gone in to make sure and re-update. To no avail. HELP!

Heaven forbid I miss one of my three comments. Those things are gold. :)

Mila Grace- 2 years and 2 months.

Mila,

Oh my sweet Mila. November came and went and while I watched and treasured every minute of every day with wonderful and precious things you do and say… I neglected to write them down in your official You’ve Turned 2 post. So now I have to try and catch up. The only bummer to being a bit behind is that I’m pretty sure, that had I written this in November… I would have been ONLY full of gush and praise. You are delightful. But it’s January. You’re 2 and 2 months, my dear… and you have definitely entered the _________ twos.

Here are some snippets on YOU.

Favorite Foods: MILK--- Sophia never drank it, so I wasn’t prepared to slow you down and now you’re a bit of a milkaholic. I’ve just started to wonder if you’re really eating anything throughout the day (besides car snacks) or if you just push it around your plate a little, smear some on your face for good measure, and then ask for more milk when I’m too busy to remember to say no. You’re a smart one--- waiting for the right frazzled-mommy moment to pounce. Or maybe it’s just that I’m a frazzled-mommy far too often. Who knows anymore? We started the nasty habit of letting you go down with milk a while back and have FAILED to kick it, so you have my permission to blame me for any ongoing teeth problems when you’re older. But I think you’ll be fine since you drink it in a few minutes and then sing and talk your way to dreamland. You also love fully decked out grown-up sandwiches with all the fixings when I’m eating one and can down about as much as I can. I just push the jalapenos aside as we go. You love the usuals of course—nuggets, mac and cheese, and pizza. Whole wheat pesto pasta is a healthy-ish one you’ll still down, along with cooked broccoli, berries, and clementines (by the half-dozen or so, but who couldn’t?).

Favorite Movies: I just asked you and you said, TARZAN. No…. Sleeping Beauty. TARZAN. Tow White! (snow white, of course.) You LOVE movies. You do NOT, however, like tv shows. You must have the same nauseous nostalgia that I have to noggin from my first trimester with you or something. I can’t blame you--- but you and Sophia have very different television choices, and that’s a little annoying. (But I’m on your side, I’d rather hear the classic Disney movies in my house over Dora’s voice ANY day.) You learn plenty without Dora’s help. Tarzan really is one you ask for most days--- you like the original and the zoogor one. And that’s what we call it… “the zoogor one.” I love watching you in the rear view mirror as you try desperately to catch the words to Phil Collin’s song and avidly throw in every third or so (JOURNEY…. Nad …d. .ddd …d.d.d.. TAKING …. nadadadada….THINGS WILL COME TO YOU IN TIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMEEEE! (gotta know the song.) Sleeping Beauty, however? You know every word and have been singing that song since before you were REALLY talking. Seriously. I wish I’d written it down, but I’m pretty sure that some of your first words were a perfectly in-tune “I KNOW YOU”… that’s all you did for a while--- now it’s the whole thing—but “that gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam” is more like “a leam in your EYES is so a millie a me.” It’s all rather precious.

Favorite Words: All of them. You are SO vocal and you CONSTANTLY amaze me. I can’t think of anything you can’t tell me. A couple of months ago, you still did a lot of the sentence fillers like “I nananddaana Sawyer’s house.” But now you fill up those sentences like you’re a regular little person. “Mom can you rolla my window so I can see the birdies”….. “ no--- too hot--- the sun is in my eyes—rolla back UP.” That was a little conversation from this morning. I’m afraid for you to get older--- I don’t ever want to stop hearing THIS voice, out of your little body, saying these things, right now--- “I’m shaking my booty mommy”… “I missed you SOOO much mommy”, “I’m getting married in the temple mommy” (after putting your blanket over your head like a veil)…. I could listen to you forever.

Favorite Animal: Hand’s down--- doggies. You always loved them, it was one of your first words, then I bought you the cute, soft Ikea dog and you two were inseparable. So much so that it caused some serious problems when I had to throw him in the wash after a bad night involving some foul smelling explosion. You would scream for for him even after I told you he had poopoo on him. “I want my poopy doggy!” So I got you another one. They say you should get dogs in twos anyway so they have a buddy right? Well you quickly realized you had two and demanded to sleep with both of them. This didn’t help with the occasional poopy doggy problem. Now they were both exposed. Luckily the midnight explosion was a phase and it hasn’t been much of a problem lately. Even still, we went to Ikea this past weekend and since you couldn’t go in the kid’s zone with Sophia, I decided to temper your fit with a GIANT doggie. Same dog—new and improved size. You love your giant doggie… and of course, you now sleep with all three. There’s barely room for you in there and that’s just how you like it. Oh and before every nap, we peek out the blinds to see if the neighbor’s REAL three doggies (we call them big, medium, and little tiny) are taking their nap. It’s like your cue that it’s alright to go to sleep. You love dogs.

Favorite Parent: No really--- it’s a real category--- and right now, it’s me. :) Soon enough, you'll figure out that daddy is way more fun. So I'll enjoy it while it lasts. I don’t think Sophia was quite as much of a mama’s girl. You love me and snuggle me and kiss me and call for me “mommy I NEEEEEEED you” all the time. Every time we’re apart for a little while (kid’s club at the gym, nursery at church etc… you run to me and say with those pouty lips “I missed you SOO much mommy, I missed you SO much.” I melt.

Favorite Friend: Sawyer. He lives right behind us which is SO nice and he’s all gentlemen. You’ve got great taste. He lets you have most of what you want and understands when you’re moody or even violent. What a guy. There’s a good chance he’ll be smaller than you as you grow up--- but that’s going to be the case with most boys thanks to your giant parents. Sorry. You’ll learn to appreciate it…. In college if not before.

Favorite DEMANDS: Fruit snacks! Movie! Chocolate milk! Bath! Princesses! These requests are always made with serious passion.

And just a few areas where you’re trying your best to test me: *church--- oh boy. Thank goodness you’re great at going in to nursery, but I never knew that hour and 10 minutes of Sacrament meeting could feel so long. It’s at 1 o’clock this year. In the afternoon. It’s like they decided they had to test the faith of young couples and what better way than seeing if they’d still come to church toting around monstrous, un-napped toddlers. You’re noisy and wild from the moment we step foot in the chapel. And I constantly have people commenting to me after the meeting… “wow--- glad I’m past that stage” “wow, thanks for making me feel better--- I thought mine were bad.” You’re lucky you’re cute. Because you’re loud and proud, miss Mila. *Also- you stink at sharing. But you’re getting better… it’s hard to be two and share your red car. *You usually want whatever your sister has, at the moment she has it. This proposes a problem if there’s only one. Especially the Ariel princess with the fin that can’t stand, not the one in the dress, or the one with the fin that DOES stand. No no. You know what you want. And if you want it--- it’s yours. Duh.

THANK YOU for taking good long naps and sleeping consistently solid 11-12 hour nights for most of your life so far. I have been blessed.
–Thank you for not figuring out how to climb out of your crib after you climbed out of your playpen. I was scared.
-Thank you for having such a wildly funny sense of humor at 2 and making silly faces and annoying but funny noises just to make me or daddy or Sophia laugh.
-Thank you for dancing with the cutest little round-bodied rhythm I’ve ever seen.
-Thank you for giving me the snuggles to push through any sleep-deprived day, and the lippy smooch of a skilled kisser.
-Thank you for promising you’ll keep those kisses for family only ‘till your 20.
-Thank you for loving your sister so much that you throw a gnarly FIT every time we drop her at Kate’s to play after school. My heart aches when you beg for her. Luckily it’s nothing a little left-over Halloween candy can’t fix.
-Thank you---THANK YOU for making this family as complete as it could possibly be right now. We are so thankful that Heavenly Father sent you our way. You are exquisite…..

Love,
Mama

yellow and blue make serene (see what I did there?... )

It's a little ironic to me that now that I've posted this, my color choice looks pea-soup green instead of yellow (why do we say pea-green usually... peas are dark green ??). Oops. Looks like I need all the help I can get from the pros.

p.s. not my pics--- wish I had that cute little pillow though.

p.p.s. new maternity shoot on my photo blog. PHEW-- it was a really tough one for me, we were rained in besides like ONE shot and it was already a dark day to begin with.

p.p.p.s. will overusing and being oh so clever with the p's in my ps keep me young? no? just annoying?

At thebeach,remembering the mountains

Not really at the beach. Just my mom's. This weekend was my grandmother's funeral, so (my sister) Lacy's in town from Florida and I came down with the girls to PLAY. Every one's in bed and I've realized that I need to clear off my memory cards for a shoot tomorrow... and in order to empty my memory cards onto my computer, I need to clear off some hard drive space first. Sheesh. SO annoying. We need a new computer. So in cleaning up my hard drive, I found these snowman pictures I never posted--- and I thought they deserved some face time. All that hard work in the cold with the carrot, and the twizzlers.... not in vain, Ross... not in vain...

Ok so I started this last night--- before Sophia peed the bed upstairs and I was forced to retire at a more appropriate time than I planned. Now it's morning, and Lacy's gone. :( On her way back to FL.

Depression.
I love that girl.

I love my sister time--- and my mommy time...

they're like gold.

We saw Young Victoria last night with my mom. And short of my sister Melisa's company, it was a perfect estrogen-filled night for me--- the soul warming kind. The kind that fills your cantine for any drought in the near future and cleans out any emotional buildup that NON-girl time can bring.

example?

After already having been teary during the movie, wrapped up in the love and the period, (I love those movies), missing my husband because Prince Albert was so nice like him :), (are you barfing yet at the way I talk about Ross lately, just wait 'till I'm pregnant again if you're the kind that thinks you have to be negative to be real, he seems to remember me being very much that way during pregnancy) then of course emotionally manipulated by the music during the credits.... (now gasp for some air after that horrible run-on sentence......... and... continue it)

my mom tripped down the stairs in the dark on the way out of the theatre and took a full tumble. While she only laughed hysterically about it, I burst my emotional bubble and cried nonsensically as I tried to see through my blurry, puddly eyes to pick up her scattered purse contents. Don't even know why it made me cry. Maybe because she just lost her mom which forces me to realize that SOME terrible day, that happens to most of us. So she looks just a little less invincible to me. And mom, maybe it's because you're getting old enough to miss the step when their lit like an airplane landing zone. Come on! ;) jk

This is one of those posts I'm afraid to even re-read because I'm not really sure what it's about. So maybe I won't.

Off to take some newborn photos this morning, then heading back home to the grind.

(The grind, of course being preschool carpool, photo-editing, and body pump...)

Life is good.

Caught red handed--- SHARING.

Oh the miracles of music.

Have you had time to miss them?

This photo's a little sexy (or something) for my blog, but it had the best resolution I found.

Wanna see some more of our favorite supernatural teenie-bopper lovers set to a LOVELY song?

Got directed to this video on youtube that was put together to Lindsay Aline's song, Eye Contact. Turns out Ross grew up with Lindsay in Walnut Creek (or I guess more, her brother since she's like 10 years younger)-- but I was really impressed with her beautiful voice and wanted to support her new career! :)

I usually find myself pulled in by a song the second time around without realizing it... but this was one of those that put me in the clouds the first time-- telling the story of fresh love-- that fluttery, precious, nervousness you feel in the beginning-- really sweet.

She reminds me of Evanescence a little... that kind of voice-- really pretty and feminine but strong... check it out.

Ahhh...

Ok, maybe blissful's an overstatement. But in my defense, I put the text on my photo BEFORE Mila started screaming bloody murder after Ross accidentally "super-manned" her face into my foot.

And perhaps the bliss is mostly mine,--- but I'm gradually forcing my love of the rain on my girls. Pretty sure they'll see it my way after who-knows-how-many-years in this very UN-RAINY land we call home.

I love the rain. How it smells and sounds and makes things dark and then makes them seem SO much brighter after it's gone. How it leaves the whole world more clean and sparkly then it found us. (Except for our cars of course.) It's like a long lost friend, a special occasion dress (no--- that's not it at all-- I HATE special occasion dresses), the chocolate, chocolate-chip bundt cake my mom ONLY made for Birthdays that we got to eat on the fun transparent, glass, rectangle plates with the separate sections---- something rare and precious.

You catch my drift.

Oh, were every weekend a long one...

Ross had Monday off, and -- wow-- to have one more Saturday AFTER Sunday would really make the world a better place wouldn't it? One Saturday for chores, and one for fun. That's what we need.

Saturday we went for a bike-ride and checked out a new school near-by. The weather was dreamy-- and being outside like that made me almost feel like I was "home" in San Diego. So I know we're only a week or two in--- but so far, the bikes--- GOOOOOD investment. Check back in May when the triple digit heat sneaks up on us...

Guess we needed to see the whole family in aviators-- Look close at this one of Mila--- it doubles as a family portrait. We're ALL in there.

This one just makes me laugh. Ross was on his phone back there in the distance and I can almost hear Mila here "come in, come in agent daddy-- the eagle has landed and she is refusing to share her sippie..." is it just me?

Change of topic: Meet the sock rollers that MIGHT revolutionize Sundays for us, if I can figure out how to get them in early enough to actually make a lasting curl.

She won't let me get within ten feet of her with something hot- but was thrilled when she saw her lovely curl(s) from these very soft, very NON-hot socks. I put the "s" in parenthesis as I'm not sure more than one curl lasted all the way to church. So like I said, MIGHT revolutionize Sundays-- we'll see what a little hair-spray can do next week. Oh the joys of fine hair.

Ahh--- Tuesday, back to the grind. Got my teeth cleaned today at the dentist and while I SWEAR I floss religiously each day, my wincing and bleeding led the hygienist to believe otherwise. So now I'm wondering what floss I'm supposed to use to give me gums of steel that won't bleed when scraped and stabbed repeatedly with a metal hook. Seriously.

The luckiest.

Today, this boy, my best friend of all time--- turns 32. So here you have it.

32 reasons I got LUCKY:

1. He still saves me the last bite.

2. He likes chick flicks

3. But he's MANLY. For reals.

4. He tells me I'm beautiful (with really good influction and tone.)

5. He knows... or has learned-- how much influction and tone matter to me.

6. He supports me in this photography thing so much--- If you were all scratching your heads as

to why I hadn't figured out that I stink yet, it'd be because of him. His fault-- my personal cheerleader.

7.He has hair on his chest.

8. He cries when he bares his testimony.

9. Or gives a talk in church.

10. Or witnesses a milestone with the girls.

11. Or when they catch the bad-guy in "The Mentalist."

12. He's rather tender.

13. He lives with JOY. My mother-in-law put it this way the last time we were at her house and

it hasn't left me. This is why he makes my life so happy. He makes himself happy--- he OOZES happiness.

14. He pretends he doesn't notice when I've added some holiday (holiday being used freely... as it can happen at any point in the year) pounds.

15. He believes in working hard, to play hard. And maybe the second part wins out JUST often enough.

16. He's a straight arrow. A rule follower--

17. and yet doesn't/couldn't/wouldn't judge a soul.

18..Which means more times than I'd like to admit, he's reminding me softly (as I'm caught gossiping) that I don't know the whole story and it's none of my biz-nass.

19. He'll stay on the couch by my side until I'm ready to close the lap-top and go to bed, even if he's been asleep for hours.

20. He always checks the windows, doors, and alarm at night. Even AFTER those hours asleep on the couch and even in his zombee state.

21. In our first house, we had a middle-of-the-night earthquake, and he had me swooped up and into the doorway before I had fully awaken. True story.

22. Last night we had another earthquake and he bolted up and put his arm over me. Apparently he's aware of the extra holiday pounds afterall.

23. He would rather be a father whose daughters KNOW him (and because of that, know themselves) than the most rich and powerful man in the world.

24. He's loyal--- to me and anyone he's ever known.

25. He's still got a jaw that makes me look a little longer than I should at this point. I think he's ho--ot. (that's "hot" not "hoot.")

26. Although, he is a hoot-- he just gets funnier with age.

27. His eyes are like the ocean, and for this reason, I'm glad he's got inSANELY strong genes. Because my daughters' are the same. And that just might be the reason I love photography so much.

28. He's got the perfect amount of nerd in him.

29. He's a dreamer, and yet easily pleased. So he'll always be thinking ahead and moving us forward... but will enjoy every phase along the way.

30. His chest is strong and broad, and seeing our newborn girls snuggled up on him might be a favorite image of all time.

31. He loves our Savior.

32. He chose me-- and makes me feel like nothing could have deterred him from that. He chose me even after I was an awful little 21-year old and he shouldn't have. He's all of these wonderful things and he makes me feel like he was always meant to choose me.

Like, I said. I got lucky.

My Grandma, Betty.

My sweet Grandma, my mom's mom, Betty Skinner, passed away on Wednesday, January 13th, at the age of 82 in her home. She'd been sick for so long, suffering colon cancer and all of the complications that came along with that. So everyone who loves her, knows it's better that she's moved on and can find peace and rest. But still, naturally, a lot of hearts are aching. My prayers are mostly for my Grandpa right now who stays behind. They had been married for over 63 years and have remained so kind and tender toward each other. They've always been an example to me of two faithful, committed people bound in an eternal marriage that they treasured and nurtured and kept strong, together. They did it right, and set an amazing example to their 8 children and 30-something grand kids.

Just moments before I took this one, my Grandma's sister, Valda, next to her, had shown me some old photos of the two of them on the beach in Hawaii in their bikinis. I gawked while my grandma giggled at the past. I wish I could have scanned them in for the blog. They were both gorgeous of course. My grandma was once crowned a Rose Parade princess. (Queen?? ) Beautiful girl... it's no wonder where her six daughters get it. After she married my grandpa, she raised eight children, six girls, and two boys in the islands. They lived in Hawaii, Samoa, and Tonga, as she supported him in his work for the LDS church colleges out there.

It seems like she lived several life-times to me. I guess she deserves a break. :) What an incredible woman.

Big- Girls- Don't- Cry.

Remember (for any of you who read words and don't just look at pictures (I'm guilty of it too (is there a grammatically correct way to put parenthesis inside parenthesis inside parenthesis?))) how I have that crying problem? (Now you have to go back and read the sentence without the parenthesis to make sense of that sentence huh? Too bad.) Well, this morning I cried during my Body Combat class. Just a little. No one would ever notice. Especially since my face had already reached at least a level 10 of redness and sweatiness.

Why did I cry? Not really sure.

Guess it could have been the music (I can see your Halo Halo Halo...." it's very catchy and surprisingly, emotionally manipulative-- or do I just think that because I associate it with that killer dance on SYTYCD before they put two seasons back to back and I got sick of it?)

Or it could have been the simulative butt-kicking that makes me think of situations where I would actually have to kick some one's butt... and those usually involve defending/ avenging my kids (crying again just typing that... so maybe the case is closed. You see I have a problem.)

Or it could have been the obvious. I was being MURDERED. I've been trying to mix up my work-out routine by doing more classes. I didn't used to be a class- girl. But I've realized that they have got some rad classes now, that work me SO much more than I can work myself. So maybe I was just crying because every muscle in my body burned like it was racing with vampire venom.

Or it could have been the realization that the image of the silly girl in the mirror whose tank was too tight for the lighting (my ego prefers my dark yoga class), and whose upper-cuts just looked like a crazy elbow-wiggle by the end, was indeed, me. I swear I feel like a kickboxing guru... a regular Billy Banks... a Million Dollar Baby. I feel like I'm moving JUST like the compact, high energy, DARLING little Asian girl who teaches the class, and then I catch a glimpse of my VERY non-Billy, non- Hillary, non-compact, non-little-Asian body in that blasted mirror. But I'm not that vain. I wouldn't cry over that--- would I?

It was probably that.

Gonna figure out this 5D once and for all...

Anyone interested in learning the ins and outs of their camera with me? Don't worry... not BY me... WITH me. Bluelily is doing a 2 hour workshop about your Nikon or Canon SLR in the Scottsdale area at the end of this month, Jan 30th. I've decided it's time I take an actual class to bang out some stuff I haven't taken the time to read in my manual. I think she only has like one spot left... but might do a Friday night class if there's more who want to go. I've signed up, but just thought I'd put it out there in case anyone wants to join me! Check it out on her blog.

Oops-- I just checked her blog and that one spot is filled, but if she got 5 more or so, she'd do a Friday night workshop.... again, to all of my local friends with new cameras... a good way to figure out the camera once and for all and get to pick the brain a little of a killer photographer. Oh yeah and it's pretty affordable at $165.

For us, Santa came on Biesinger-standard-time... just a couple of weeks late...

My battery died after these three photos--- so I haven't gotten a shot of Ross' bike, or the trailer for the girls.... or the other 100 photos of MY bike that I still want to take because... it's BEAUTIFUL! You must see more. Creamy blue... orange detail... (a basket to come)... I haven't been this excited about a toy since I was a kid. We ride the neighborhood and I'm sure I look like the happiest, cheesiest mom in the world while I eat bugs since I canNOT wipe the grin off of my face. Thanks for the Electra recommendation Missy--- it made the whole decision easier when we went into the bike store and saw them--- I'm in love...

Have you given any thought to...

A chance to get a GO-jus photo of yourself. Because let's face it, you're never gonna get it spending all your time on that side of the camera. It's your turn to SHINE mama! ;)

No but really. It's a good excuse to get a great photo of yourself in your husbands hands. For his office or just for your records (you're not always going to be this beautiful:)) ... or whatever. If it's something you've always kind of wished you had, act fast. It just occurred to me to offer this (well occurred to me through Bluelily's inspiration I should say) and I didn't leave us tons of time. :)

If interested, contact me at lillie_biesinger@yahoo.com. We'll talk clothes, locations, and other fun stuff. ;)

DIY Play kitchen that makes my heart go pitter patter.

Holy Cow... did anyone see this on Design Sponge? I was wishing that Santa had decided to bring Mila a kitchen for Christmas since she's obsessed with the one in Sophia's class room. But whether he (we) was (were) lazy or cheap, we're not sure, but no kitchen. Now I see this DIY kitchen from an old night stand... and I know I could NEVER figure out how to do it... but oh if I could--

So much room for creativity! Isn't it darling? Maybe some day when I find myself with so much extra time, I need a new hobby. Hah.

Bullets

- I wanted to post something pretty to look at but had nothin' new. So here are some pictures that I've saved off of random design blogs etc... that make me happy. And inspired. I've wanted to do hooks for Sophia's tutus forever, but haven't gotten around to it. And check out the top right. TOTALLY want those stockings/socks on my mantel next year. So cute. Too bad every single killer home picture has hardwood floors. It's hopeless for us out here in tile-ville.

- I'm starting working on my second blurb book. Yikes. Not a fun project... it could be easy if you don't care that all of your photos are made into thumbnails and their not lined up with your text and you don't care for fonts and you're not filling the maximum 460 pages or so. But none of that applies to me. So it's a pain. Has anyone tried the new and more expensive, thicker paper? Is it worth the money?

- Finally cleaned up Christmas--- I'm not sure what feels better, when you first put it up, or when you take it done. I can breeeeeeeeathe.

- Been eating really clean since Monday, and working out extra hard (was seriously feeling the effects (affects or effects? always struggle with that one) of Christmas eating). Then I got on the scale today to find I've gained 3 pounds. I think I may have shoved a few goldfish in my mouth in the car after that to get back.... at.... oh I don't know I was mad.

- SARAH HAD HER BABY! My dearest friend from College-- a little girl named Julia-- I just hate that she's across country and that I don't know when I'll meet her in person.

- I desperately want to learn how to use the video on my camera... oooh.... which reminds me that I need to blog my goals. Only because that's the only way I might make myself "write" my goals in any form. Dangit--- that's what I should be killing my computer time on right now. Not this nonsense.

- I'm missing hearing Sophia say "this is the best Christmas EVER," which she said a couple of times a day for the last 2 weeks. Luckily she still says, with the same dramatic Disney intonation, "you're the best mom EVER". She's such a doll right now.

- That's all I got. Sheesh-- I just yawned, myself. Activity Day Girls are coming over in 40 minutes, perhaps I should shower for the day.

what is wrong with me?

It came!

The space is still a work in progress, I've moved over part of a collage... not sure if it will stick... anyone who visits my house knows I play constant musical chairs with everything on my walls...

but my SETTEE! It was on my doorstep when we got home from Utah! I've regretted painting so much blue in my house since I moved in... and yet here I am, after deliberating over the green, orange and white patterned, and black and white patterned....
unable to pass up the velvet tufts in blue. I guess I should just embrace it. I LA LA love blue!

ps. speaking of la la love.... got the poster from etsy, and yellow pillow from Urban. Should I mellow out the collage to whites and browns? Only white? Anything but black? All black? Or just leave it whatever shmever?

On "The Bachelor"

a. Bachelor- you- the show, WHY did you pick Jake? Did everyone else refuse? I'm in to nice guys-- I married one. But this is not just a nice guy. This is a nice, humorless guy with the silliest laugh and the WORST cheese who agrees to let the show video-tape him doing things like soaping up his tummy in the shower, and takes his shirt off every chance he gets (accept in the clip where he was actually in a pool and should have had it off.... what?) No really, he's very nice. But really?

b. Reid, Where are you?! Decide you were above the Bachelor? We agree. And we're happy for you but sad for us.

c. Hot blonde model that looks like Hillary Duff mixed with Scarlet Johansan--- wow. Who can blame you for relying on your looks. I hope you go home soon so my husband doesn't fall in love with your cheekbones and lips like I am. (Yes, I make Ross watch it with me.) But I don't think you will (go home). I think you'll be the one to have an affair with some hot camera-guy.

d. Jillian, what were you thinking taking Ed to that party with the hot blonde? Thinking you regretted that one.

e. You, with the yellow dress that tore when you tripped and the raspy, sick, voice--- I like you. Were I the bachelor, and therefore a single boy hunting for a wife on a ridiculous but addicting reality show, I'd pick you. Yellow dress, raspy girl, you had me at "I've lost boyfriends to video games"... what is wrong with our world? But really--- I think we'd be friends. But I used to think that about Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston ... and I'm not sure they'd feel the same.

f. You with the tears and the bikini and the dancing on the beach---- the dance theatre and the Ariel etc.... , you're very nice, but I would never pick you if I were the Bachelor. But I think you are perfect for our Jake and I think you'll win. I picked you for him before you gave him a kiss and before he gave you that first rose, and I'm making you my official bet. Disney Princess, I think you'll marry your prince. But since that could be a little boring, I think The Bachelor will distract us with tons of outrageous drama all along the way. And while my eyes will be alternately rolling back in my head in disgust and then down in shame, I will be there every step of the way.

For my records... the actual Christmas card revealed:

Front: (oops... you could barely read our names, note for next time.)


Back:

Oh and I just posted some photos I took of my sister-in-law up in Utah over on the other blog. She's lovely. Check her out.

Look at these cheeks and then envy me for getting to smother my face in them every day... and then look at some more pics of our TWO WEEK Utah trip...

A walk across the street to talk to see the horses...

The girls wanted their cousins to meet them later... but it was too cold... too painful, and the horses were smarter than us and hiding some place (warmer, we assumed)... so we bundled them all for a "walk" that went across the street and lasted all of five minutes.

As lovely as that snow is... man that's tough with little ones. It's just so hard to not be able to get out during the day when somebody's grumpy. Our summers are painful, but water is never too far away. It's never a bad thing to grow a little appreciation for home right? But for a two week vacation... what a fun change of scenery. Utah has never looked quite so beautiful to me... I wish I'd booked some shoots to make me explore some of it!

Oh and speaking of shoots... check out a couple of new ones on the photoblog.

Christmas

Christmas Eve brought us a visit from Santa Clause and his friend Laura. Thanks Laura. :) We snuck a present out to him before he rang the doorbell, so he came in, got settled, then pulled out a present for each kid from his big Santa sack. It was the first time I really saw that look in Sophia's eyes... it was all so real. Why wouldn't it be? Oh I love this mommy thing. I feel like I have the front-row seat all day, every day to the most amazing moments of the most amazing show.

Mila, however, still won't touch the large, bearded man with a ten-footer. So Ross acted as a barrier so we could get a photo. Ahhh... Christmas morning. It was crazy and chaotic and still filled with it's share of fighting (of course my girls wanted the squeeze-the-legs-to-make-the-things-twirl-buzz-lightyear like Kai and Beau. Should have consulted.) But it was still so perfect and I'm pretty sure this is the beginning of many a magical Christmas for my kids. "Vicarious" has a whole new meaning in my life...

Me, I got my watch! I think Ross got 2 pictures of me Christmas morning and I wanted to cry when I saw them. So just trust me when I say I was there. Full of breakfast casserole and banana bread, and there. A little too there.

And on that note... New Year's Resolutions coming up! I might have to blog them this year to add SOME level of commitment. I think last year they were in my blackberry somewhere. Stay tuned. For real--- you'll feel good about yourself when you see how many I have and how I've probably had them (as in I haven't fully accomplished them) for the last 7 years. I mean really, what's the point anymore. But it's January and you got to go with the motivation while you've got it.

Happy New Year.

While in Provo we've:

- Eaten Cafe Rio thrice (ok only me, but THANKS to that many trips I ventured out and got pork tacos rather than the salad the last time- no disappointment.)

- Seen Avatar (liked it-- made me want a stronger more daring body), Sherlock Holmes (loved it, but wanted a little more romance with Rachel McAdams), Blind Side (cried like a baby through most of it and hugged my girls extra tight when I got home....we're so blessed), and 500 Days of Summer in the DOLLAR theatre (LOVED it, LOVE Zoey whats-her-face, and loved that cute boy with all the great smile-lines, and don't be surprised when my site has some songs from the soundtrack-- great music.) Yup-- 4 movies. In the theatre. And I liked them all. I LOVE CHRISTMAS TIME!

-Made everyone watch "Business Time" on you-tube by FOTC and figured it was way over Sophia's head and so didn't worry... and now she's singing, "It's business, it's business time..."

- Watched it snow outside more than I ever remembering ever watching it snow. It's beautiful and powdery and white everywhere you look.

- Enjoyed the visit from Santa... and mostly enjoyed watching our kids eat up Christmas more than they ever have of course. This felt like the first year I was DYING for Christmas morning to come because they really got it. Well, you know, if tearing one open, tossing it aside, and moving on to the next, in a total present-opening, greedy frenzy means getting it. Even still... magic. :)

- Shopped-- I forgot what a real mall was like.

- Gone to bed after 1 every morning and enjoyed the benefits of Mila learning to climb out of her playpen. (The italics in this case indicate EXTREME sarcasm).

- Overspent and overeaten ourselves (ok mostly me) into oblivion. We were supposed to leave Monday but keep extending ourselves because of the snow and .... stuff... and I'm not sure I have enough elastic wasted pants to get me through 'till Friday at this point. Can't WAIT to lock up the wild when I get home and set some boundaries. Love Christmas. But definitely entering that adult-world where I welcome the boring normalcy of January. Phew.

- Relished a house full of family and fun and 30 Rock till midnight, and Christmas and brownies and Taboo, and chaos . I'll be happy to let myself feel hungry before a meal once again, but so sad to leave all of this.

A White Christmas

The first gas station after a while on the journey to Utah. My bladder was filled to the rim, so this place made me very happy--- happy enough to shoot some pictures. And I liked the color scheme.
The beggining of our trip. Had to start somewhere. Merry Christmas!

Out-Takes

This was probably the second runner up. You can see us all better than the one we chose, we're closer--- more of a traditional family photo--- it was a tough call.

How quickly we think of our "coulda, wouldas". Would have put both of the girls in tennies or both in pretties. Would have done Sophia's hair different. Would have calmed the back of mine so I didn't look like a freshly bathed and shaken dog.

Would have stuck my butt out just a little less..............and then.... maybe just a little more? Wouldn't have offered fruit snacks as my bribe and then snapped the shutter mid-chew. Or maybe I would, because this expression gave us some good laughs. Would have realized we were in Brooke's shadow. So typical, Brooke....always in your shadow.

Just kidding.

Would have started earlier so I didn't have to make these hazy to compensate for the low-light.

Would have remembered to change Mila's diaper before we left the house so it didn't get so full that it hung mid calf in her tights before I took it off leaving her au-natural.... resulting in this.

But all and all-- what a productive feeling it is to get some family photos. And how much more respect do I have for the people in front of my camera. It's hard work trying to keep all your people looking beautiful--- sheesh! glad it's over. Thankyou Brooke!!!

Merry Christmas.

But I guess my stomach DOES always feel flatter first thing in the morning... unless I had midnight icecream. Which does happen.

A blustery, COLD day at the park. I couldn't decide if I wanted to post a b/w or a color. And it's gotten too late to make decisions so we're doing both.

This morning, Sophia came in our bed like usual. And wanted to snuggle with me like usual. She's a snuggly one. VERY lovey and tactile right now. She rubs my arms and rubs my back and wraps herself up in my arms. She tells me "you're the best mom ever" like a dozen times a day. It's her new phrase--- I'll take it.

This morning she was rubbing my chest, the bony part just under the collar bone, (my CHEST let me remind you) and must have been a little sleepier than I thought... "mom, your tummy's not chubby anymore!"

Oh that my tummy could feel like (the bony-part-of) my chest (under-the-collar-bone.)

It just seems a little weird without the explanation right?

COUNTDOWN!

(oops.... didn't mean to do the light blue borders on my collages but i'm too lazy to fix it now.)

Ten days 'till Christmas! We're off to Utah this year, and I always feel like since we still go home to our parents' houses for Christmas, we have such a short amount of time in our own house for Christmasy stuff... it just goes so fast. I finally feel like I finished decorating even though we ALWAYS try to get it up right after Thanksgiving. This year it was just hard to find the full day-- or evening-- or whatever it takes to get it done right. Instead, I did a little here and there and never felt fully satisfied. I finally went to Homegoods the other day planning on giving in and buying some cute, new stuff (since most of my Christmas decor is stuff my mom didn't mind parting with 7 years ago when I got married)- and there was nothing cute left! So now I may as well wait for the post-Christmas sales and hope I find some treasures in Utah.

What on earth was that paragraph about?

Anyway--- I'm finally really feeling the groove. We did the gingerbread house over the weekend (so what if Costco helps us out a little by selling them already assembled and ready to go--- SO much easier that way), we walked around the neighborhood to look at lights last night with the Lamms for family night, and Ross added "Bring a Torch Jeanette Isabella" (no idea what it's really called) to our playlist because I told him I missed hearing it when I was a kid dancing in the curtains with Lacy like Celtic women (remember Lace?)

Ahhhh..... Christmas time. When the weirdest things can burrow themselves permanently into your heart and memory and become forever and magically nostalgic just because.... it's Christmas time.

Old Town Christmas Tree Lighting

I love it when I can just snag a collage off of someone else's blog to document something I forgot to take pictures of. Thanks Brooke.

Friday night, Christmas Tree lighting, Santa Claus passing out candy, Stuft Pizza to go out on the grass, hot chocolate after a mere 25 minute line (I'm guessing, but it took forever), and REALLY genuinely COLD weather.... mmm-- I love Christmas.

Bikes? Help.

Does anyone know much about bikes? We've said for years that we should get them for Christmas. And I think this just might be the year.... only problem: we're the blind leading the blind on what-to-look-for-when-in-search-of-family-bikes. Of course what I really want is the Madsen bike above since it's... ummm --- beautiful.

Look at it. The perfect blue. The orange fender. Mmmmm. The huge trash can to tote my girls around in. I la la la love it. Except that it's $1300

SO--- if I were trying to make a more educated decision on what bikes we should get and we're looking primarily for:

- Beach cruisers (what? It's only 2 hours away, you never know when we'll cruise over... )

- OK so maybe we just want to pretend we live somewhere cool enough for a beach cruiser, but whatever... we've got 5 or 6 months of ride-outside-without-dying-of-heat-stroke weather ahead of us and and endless desert-scape to explore.

- uh... that's about it. We're looking for beach cruisers. Did I mention that?

So can we get the under-$200 ones we see online or at Costco (Schwin?). Or will they fall apart like our Walmart Trampoline? (Ross was jumping the other day and a spring shot off and hit the neighbor's house WHILE the neighbor was outside. oops.)

"Mom, take a picture of my silly face"...

and so I did.

... The Old Man is Snoring....

It's true. Rain. All day long... so much I'm almost ready for a reprieve. But then I remember that this one day has to last me through the rest of the year (more or less) and then I'm counting each blessing again... one raindrop at a time.

Sophia didn't want to be in the photo with her hot chocolate... can you tell? she's not doing her normal neck-scrunch and smile or on-cue laugh I've taught her so well. She was sad--- she doesn't like the rain. She likes it hot. We have debates about it all the time. It's strange to me that she'll be raised (at least for some memorable years) in the desert. And she just might be one of those people that loves the heat and hates the rain. I'll have to come to terms with it. I LOVE chilly air, puffy clouds, and mostly... VARIETY. So today... even though I washed my hair yesterday and it got ruined on my preschool pick-up... and even though Mila only took an hour nap and will spend the rest of the afternoon begging to go outside--- I LOVE me some rain.

Speaking of love. It's Christmas time.... can you believe it? I wish there were 2 months between Thanksgiving and Christmas so we could anticipate it just a little longer... (and prepare for it... for those of us who procrastinate for a living.) I haven't bought a single present. But the tree is finally up (even if it is DWARFED and a bit toy-ish in the vaulted living room of this house), and the stockings are hung, and we're writing to Santa tonight for family night (that's a whole other blog post... I never believed, did you? A bit nervous about years of lying to my children)... and trying SOOO hard to relish each moment before I blink ----------and it's over.

I love this season!!

Thanksgiving in photos...

Everyone came. All six of us kids and all 18 grandkids--- we filled my house, two friends' houses that were out of town, (I know... I have SUPERB friends) and an RV in the driveway. We cooked all day and ate all night and scrabbled... and ate... and watched movies... and ate.

and ate

and ate...

Papa Kirk came equipped for a nerf-gun ward in the backyard. It did not disappoint. It was serious stuff--- I wish I had a video to do it justice.



Then Friday we got to celebrate again with my Dad who came in from Texas. (We missed you Mary Beth!) TWO days of party. Way more eating... and lounging... did I mention I got on the scale at the gym today for the first time since? I won't. It's bad news. You didn't help dad. Fettuccine Alfredo and mashed potatoes in the same meal? Only my dad.

Pretty sure my kids would need me ONLY for food and drink if we lived with 16 cousins ALL the time. I could not have imagined how relaxed I'd feel having a big party at my house--- along with 16 cousins comes 16 entertainers.... I feel like I should have been paying a fee.... AWEsome.

Oh and have you seen Ivy lately? I wanted to nibble on her arm rolls.
Hope you had as much fun and ate as much food as I did.

ps. Check out my BABY brother and his family on the photo blog.

In recovery and mourning....

There's always some relief when the big festivities are over and you can go back to normal life where you keep your house clean, get some projects done, and stop seeing how many feasts you can fit into one 24-hour period. There is, however, NO relief when my cross-country sister leaves for another 8 months. Only mourning.

And the photo? I was going for sexy. I know right?? Poor Ross. I had no idea. Guess I'd never had it photographed before.

Hoping you had a happy Turkey Day

Boooo (does it have an "h" on the end?)

Hmmm. I actually really liked the FIRST one. Super-duper-teenie-bopper, low-budget and all. Actor-Edward grew on me, the music got me, and it made me happy to see that fun book in film. Everyone said the second one was even better.

Blackhhhccccgggg. Turns out I was so disappointed. I knew the first time around I was SO bummed at the choice for Bella. But I guess I could handle it for one movie. This time I was overwhelmed by my lack-of-love for Kristen Stewart. I think it should have been the cute girl from Gilmore girls, or just a no-name that was cuter, more endearing, not so pointy-like and droopy-eyed. Between her and Robert I was sure they would fall asleep at any moment. Just look up! I wanted to scream. Almost there... his eyes... getting warmer...

It almost ruined it for me, her down-cast-eyes staring at his overly pink vampire lips. And that you-know-what 'tension' that gets a little old even in the book and is WAY worse watching these two little teenage actors.... and then there was Jacob's feminine voice. Geeze louise.

Thank goodness for Jessica and her under-breath rants... she was my favorite by far.

Hhhhhhhh ....... I miss the Edward and Bella I knew and loved in print...maybe there's hope with the next two.... but I'm feeling doubtful. Sad and doubtful.

On my Christmas List

The watch. Not the gorgeous, perfectly blond long hair, or big lips and model-smile, or tiny post-two-baby frame of this beautiful girl at the Baby Naming from last weekend. No I keep a reasonable list. The watch.

And get this--- it's by Swatch Watch. Like the brand we knew when we were 9. Which means it's like 120 bucks. I LOVE it.

Now we'll just wait and see if :

a: Santa brings it

b: It looks nearly as cute on a wrist that's twice as big.

Nov 19th--- HER day.

And then I'll go to Disneyland---

Today I'm two and lucky.

Just one that's catching my eye so far...

Off to Disney tomorrow... Let the festivities begin!--- just wanted to post one from a recent shoot I'm still working on before I took off. This is Emma--- leopard print, curly haired, darling Emma. More lata-- I keep nodding off and then my head jolts, waking me back up like it did when I was up too late in college--- I think it's because the remote is tucked too tightly in Ross' armpit while he sleeps on the couch and I'm too lazy to get up and wriggle it out... so I'm stuck with sports center instead of something more.... cool, and less...... manish.

Lovely right?

There are two walls in my house that are ever-changing.... haven't managed to get anything I love there--- so nothing sticks. I'm thinking one of these might do the trick. I had in my head that something like this would cost me an-anthropologie-fortune.... more specifically like $2800. But that's just bananas. And no amount of picture-money-that-Ross-doesn't-ask-questions-about ;) could have justified that to me in the end. As much as I sort of hoped it could.

So I looked elsewhere and was shocked to find these options from Target and Urban Outfitters for between $4-600! Which is your fave? I'm not sure if I could pull off the orange one on the wall I'm referring to since it's so close to my grey/blue living room.... but I LOVE it, and maybe if it doesn't work there I could just put it at the foot of my bed--- but then I love that blue one in the photo with the wood floors---(if only I had those and the white walls instead of tan tile and tan walls.... one thing at a time), love the green too, and who couldn't use a great b/w print somewhere? Oh I don't know. help?

I've always wanted to order one for myself and haven't gotten around to it...

... so it was so fun to open up an email from Mollie, a recent client, with this this picture attached ... to get to see one of my photos stretched on canvas. Now I'm just waiting to get that perfect shot of my girls that's worthy of it...

Thanks for giving me the peek, Mollie!

Just another manic monday.... ohhhoohooh...

(Just wanted to throw a photo up, and this is one of my favorites from the last shoot I blogged.)

Did the Baby Naming party in San Diego on Saturday and it was UN-believable. The decor, food, ceremony, PEOPLE (are all Jewish people SO beautiful?!) I remembered the tight-knit group I went to high school with were classy and lovely, a few of which were there... but had never seen so many in one room. I only wish I'd had an outfit that was both comfortable enough for shooting, and cute enough to not stick out like a big, tall, blond, sore thumb in long gauchos. Ugh.

So now I just need to get through a few more family shoots before I can take the time to peruse the photos and HOPE I did that party justice! And until then, you'll just have to be in suspense. But I'll give you one hint: animal print seat covers. Done RIGHT.

Also? I convinced Lizzie and Rachelle to come with me and do a big Ikea run together after the Baby-Naming, so I've got some before and after projects.... ahead. Who knows how far. Maybe somewhere after the hooks for hanging tutus I bought on my last ikea run, or the rehanging of Mila's too-long curtains, or the that chair reupholstering I started a few months back. :) I just keep forgetting to pick up a staple gun, and maybe it looks too close to fine to me, draped and stapled haphazardly in my living room as IF it were done. Just maybe.

Did I mention we're going to Disneyland this week?! We're seeing Lacy and Joe in THREE days. Countdown on.

Oh and just so you know what I get to work on today--- here is one of the kids in this little family with four. The hair? You can imagine my joy. And yeah--- they're ALL that cute. And stylish.

What came to my mind NOW.

- We have cloud cover today and it makes me feel all warm and tingly.

- I'm so happy to have NOTHING official on my schedule today besides preschool pick-up. It's been a busy week.

- Something happened to me after kids where I cry-- a little bit-- all the time. If ever it seems I should say something out loud, but instead, I'm quiet, pretend to be clearing my throat or something, I'm really choking down a cry. It happens at the most ridiculous times... and I'm not talking like Zales or EPT commercials... those are givens. No. no,no. More like children's books, ALL hymns at church, and lessons from zee on noggin. I'm talking like me on the elliptical at the gym with ANY book that has any KIND of a powerful moment (happy, sad, exciting, ANYTHING but boring... me - on elliptical- sobbing quietly--- it gets even harder to control it when my body's exhausted at the same time- if ever you catch me running outside with my kids- a rare occasion-- there's a good chance my mind has wandered to something to make me cry. Don't be alarmed.) Or me in my car with Mylie Cyrus' new "party in the usa" song on the radio. I know right? Are you scratching your head? Because it's not sad-- and I can't even stand her. But apparently she just speaks to me with all of the nodding and the hip-moving ... it must be hard to be a prematurely-rich, arrogant, country-girl in LA with butterflies. Or at least my hormones think so.

- NO I'm not pregnant. The crying has been a problem since I had Sophia. I think my hormones are permanently altered. Altered to make me look weak and vulnerable-- I'm still trying to figure out why that would be part of the plan.

- Is it "legal" to listen to Christmas music yet? Because we are. And again... with the warm and tingly. Oh I love this time of year.

- Thanksgiving is at my house this year with my fam-- too bad I haven't had any time to get my house ready. So many plans and dreams!

- Ooh but I did paint Sophia's lamp bases turquoise the other day and I'm LOVING them. One of the many before/afters I plan on blogging eventually.

- Lacy and Joe come in ONE WEEK--- and all the fun starts at Disney Land! It happens to be on Mila's b-day, so I can't decide if that's the celebration, or if I still want cupcakes and presents.... hmmm....

- This Saturday I'm photographing a big Jewish Baby-Naming in San Diego. I'm nervous. Sometimes I hate that I have to pretend I'm not nervous or SUPER self-critical on this blog for fear that clients will see it. And then I'm embarrassed to even use the word "clients" on this blog for fear my friends will see it and think I'm taking myself too seriously. And then I keep thinking about how my mom told me she stopped caring what people thought by the time she was 30... and I figure I've got a longer ways to go than I'd like in this next year and a half.

- Should I grow my hair long or keep it short? Any opinions -- (refer to bullet above-- still cut my hair for the approval of others)?

- Was any of this worth writing... not sure... but no time to reconsider...

PUBLISH.

Just a link to my newest set of blonde beauties...

Check 'em out here.

I need to record more of this stuff:

Yesterday I sat on the bench outside during Mila's nap reading Catching Fire while Sophia jumped on the trampoline. She came to the edge and sat with her legs dangling through the springs staring at me.

"Mom, Heavenly Father gave me to you--- you SUuuuuuuuuuuuuRE are lucky."

She's one smart cookie.

Halloween

So Ross' sister Brooke and her family came out to spend Halloween with us, which was SO fun. It made the whole weekend feel like a party. We started with carving pumpkins... (or at least A pumpkin - thanks to tradition-keeper-Ross) and then did chili and cornbread before launching the mayhem that was huge-group-trick-or-treating-in-a-neighborhood-with-no-streetlights-or sidewalks. We were joined by the Smiths, Lamms, Terry's, and both Homecs, we hit our stride, made a loop, got tons of loot, and ended with dessert at our house. Somehow the stars aligned and all of the kids were so occupied by their candy and the trampoline in the dark, that we actually got MINUTES on end of grown up time. It's the little things, you know?

Funny how I think I'd written off Halloween at like 14. But then I had kids and it was reborn. There's just something pretty special about seeing the joy on their faces with every drop in their candy bucket. They have this way you know? They make everything a little harder, but a lot sweeter. Overall, I'm thinking it's a good deal.

Oh and because I think I want to be done with Halloween blogging... (well unless I get the pictures back from kodi's camera and there are any good ones of my girls in costume since I couldn't manage to snap a photo before the sun went down and I have no pop-up flash)... here are the ones from preschool on the day of the carnival.

Mila dressed up as Belle just to wear something easy, but if you haven't been able to figure it out, both of my girls were peacocks, also know as colorful birds. It was the only thing Sophia would tell me she wanted to be every time I asked (a colorful bird that is)... so I went with it. We tried to mimic the PB one-- but secretly, I thought mine would be way cuter. I forgot that I'm not really crafty and that the felt feathers I made would have to be secured to the tutu. When the fabric glue didn't work, I resorted to staples... which... resulted in random feathers decorating the streets. Oh well. At least I got a really great photo first so all my hard work wasn't for nothing. Oh wait....

lame.