We Have Four Kids

The other night something made me look up this old blog.  I haven't been here in a while and once I stopped in, I couldn't pull away.  Instagram has taken over that spot in my life for documenting and sharing pictures.  If I'm "wasting" time online, I'm perusing pinterest or instagram.  But never reading blogs.  Gone are the days of getting on each morning and checking in to see what ventures my friends and their new babies were on... and gone are the days where I'd sit down and start typing all of the current thoughts of this mommy of one baby.... two babies.... a boy! I never even touched the surface of our fourth.  I hardly use to miss the opportunity to post a good meal I made, and now I've missed an entire pregnancy and the first 8 months of Knox's life.

This kid is so cute.  What if I finally print this blog someday and he's not in it?  I think I'm back.  Knox needs stories about his first words, his favorite foods, the crickets he eats...

Not to mention these other three just keep changing! I die when I look at old posts and see Sophia as a little girl. I don't know when it happened but she is practically a young woman.  She turned ten a couple of weeks ago and it blows my mind.

I think I said this in my last post a year ago.  But I don't have time to look back at it.  But I'm making a new resolution to write again.  Instagram has made it super easy to document and save some photos.  But I can't help but be dissuaded by that unwritten rule that everyone is annoyed if you post too many pictures and one a day or less is just not always enough. And sometimes there is so much more to say than is appropriate to put in someone's instagram feed.

So again, I think I'm back. I'm writing to myself now and later. I can't imagine anyone else will check this which might make it a little harder to be motivated because those blog days were fun when we were all back and forth with comments.  I'm not above that and for sure all of that validation gave me all the more fire to write.  But along with nobody checking in comes incredible freedom.  Like right now, I'm not even re-reading this. I don't think I will.  Who has time?  It might be pure gibberish and I'm quite confident it is, but I think it's worth it.  I don't have time to words and I don't have time to edit photos... I don't even have time to edit thoughts.  I probably don't have time to write at all since every night once my kids are in bed I think of a million things I wish I'd done better while they were awake.  My life has a chronic MOUNTAIN of things I could be improving on. But maybe that's exactly why I want to write.  So that all of those thoughts and goals and wishes and regrets can be documented somewhere.  To either help me remember and better myself.... or at least give my kids proof, later, of my good intentions. :/

For now, I'm tired and not sure I actually said anything in this unedited mash of words but I'm hoping this will crack the door to that part of my brain so all of the stories and conversations and moments that are happening in this amazing family and life of mine will start pouring out and be recorded.

This is it.  I used to be a new mom and it feels like yesterday.  But now I'm a 34-year-old woman with four kids ranging from 8 months to 10 years.  I still do diapers and baby food and lullabies but now I do homework and soccer and volleyball and piano and friend problems and FableHaven and chores and sometimes I just don't know when my brain is going to catch up with these crow's feet between my brows.  I'm not sure it ever will-- but I know this is it.  I'm IN my life.  It's not like leading up to it anymore.  I'm in it. Making the forever memories for my kids.  More than halfway done raising Sophia under my roof. I'm in it.

It's so overwhelming but so wonderful.  And I'm just so grateful for these four personalities I scored.. and for such a solid partner in Ross to cross our fingers together and hope we do it right.

And for prayer.

Life is still super good over here.

It's February

It's been forever since I've updated over here.  Every once in a while I drop in just to see if it still exists. Tonight when I dropped in, I felt like the least I could do was throw up a shot of my family from the Christmas card that happened two months ago... it's all just going by so fast already...

-Finn turned two in December and is the most amazing, snuggly, funny, handsome little boy I've ever met.  He's also terrible.  Because he's two.  And has to do everything himself and demands gum and junk food all day which is a new challenge because the girls weren't introduced to it at such a young and insane age.  He's obsessed with the Lion King and watches it every day.  Maybe even a couple of times every day.  And I kind of love it because it's sweet and classic and not an obnoxious tv show--- somehow I never get sick of it.  Or the way he knows and repeats lines from it.  And I'm thinking my lack of tv-guilt has something to do with him being the third too.  Eh. He loves to be sung to right now and asks me for a song at bed time... it's become my favorite part of the day to snuggle and rock him for a song or two while he burrows into my chest.

-I had Mila's first parent teacher conference for Kinder and it kind of blew me away.  She can test us a lot at home... still throws quite a few fits and has a hard time when she doesn't get her way.  But at school she's an angel, and it gave me a glimpse of what she's capable of.  She's smart and clever and social....she's obedient and can be so sweet and thoughtful.  She's so full of love and affection and gives really good squishy kisses and has real opinions and emotions about things.  Ross thinks she's me.  I'm excited to see what her personality grows into as she learns to manage her frustrations... love this wild fire.

- Sophia is 7 and is as kind and gentle as ever.  She thinks of everyone around her before herself and has the burning desire to always do what's right.  She is anxiously awaiting turning 8 in September and getting baptized.  She has such a pure understanding and testimony of her Savior and of the gospel and she sees the whole world as it relates to what we learn at church and through the scriptures.  Her perspective seems beyond her years.  She can forgive and apologize faster and more sincerely than I can, even when she has a right to feel upset or wronged. She just hates to see anyone suffering.  She can be overly sensitive and emotional sometimes.... which we're glad about... it makes it so she fits in with the rest of us flawed Biesingers. She's a gem.

Life is really really good.

Life

Just a few from the phone.  Finn turned a corner a month or two ago and is such a happier, sillier kid.  In hindsight... it feels like his first 18 months were ruled by sleep and food.  Now he's funny and goofy and so boy-y.... talking and growling and giggling the day away.  Tonight he was awful.  So there are exceptions.  But this boy is fun.

Soccer started last week and while it's still MISERABLY hot and hanging at the field for TWO games is ... twice as long and miserable as one... it's pretty awesome.  Watching Mila wear her uniform with such pride now that she's finally old enough to play, even if she does mostly just look at her feet and then over at us while the ball rolls by--- is amazing. And so entertaining.  And watching Sophia go full-on athlete on the field-- flying past the other team and getting herself in the mix at every moment makes me so excited for the future (when she can also control the ball enough to have a say in where it ends up), especially because of how it started a few years ago.  Oh my gosh that was fun.

Date nights are my favorite part of the week.  I look forward to those few hours with Ross (and none of our darling, wonderful, captivating kids) like nothing else. Those hours with Ross-- and food I don't have to eat in between cleaning smoothie off the floor and replenishing waters.

Is October really right around the bend?  Praying for double digit temps....

Summer!

I have a love/hate relationship with pinterest.  I think I have a love hate with most things.  There's just always two sides.  I think it's the most incredible way to get ideas and save and organize them.  There is so much visual inspiration and it's far more efficient and cost-effective than buying magazines or even searching blogs.

But sometimes I think my head is going to explode with all of the ideas and sometimes I think my sense of worth is going to disappear as I add up ALL of the ideas I will never ever have the time to realize.  I pinned a picture of a garage door (the little one that goes into your house) painted black and thought... "should do that-- my white door gets so filthy. Better pin this to do it some day." But then I thought.... "seriously, of all of the rooms and walls and projects in my home that I see every day that aren't done, like I'm going to spend time on what was always meant to be an ugly, functional door. Who cares.  WHO cares. (please don't tell me if you care.)

Going into this summer I felt so much pressure (self-inflicted) to make it so organized-- so we'd be sure to get in plenty of reading time, swimming time, craft time, cooking time, quiet time, family time.... etc.  We got a white board so we could calendar our weeks for the girls to see and I bought weird things like borax to make slime.... and special colored pencils you can paint with water to make look like water colors.  We have tons of art supplies, but somehow buying something new I saw on pinterest made me feel like I was better prepared for the summer.  I'm such a sucker.

As it turns out: 

-They like their normal crayons and water color paints better.   Like they'd rather just choose one or the other and not some fancy hybrid.  

- They found slime at the dollar store for.... a dollar, and my 12 dollar box of borax sits in my laundry room.  Maybe the creation would be super fun... maybe some day.

- Reading time is harder to make happen than I hoped.  We have incorporated the library in our routine this summer.  Maybe after I spend lots of dollars on pinterest inspired "great books for girls from 4-7" we'll read all the time.  No-- I know it's me.  I try reading aloud in the afternoon while Finn naps and I almost always doze off a few pages in.  This forces Sophia to take over so I can "rest my eyes".  So maybe it's a good thing in the end... thank goodness I can count on Ross to read at bed time...

- Between friends' pools and hotel pools, we swim several times a week... and it doesn't always leave tons of time for other stuff... but when it's 112 degrees outside, we've decided it's the priority. Who wants to be cooped up inside, even if you do have a cupboard full of pinterest-inspired super-mom crafts?

- They still default to drawing and painting and glueing and taping every afternoon when we're home.  I think I've decided it's ok if I'm not there monitoring a new and awesome craft.  They're creating and they'll do it on their own.  Am I really going to mess with that?

- "Cooking time" consists of them playing with a miniature ball of dough when I make bread, cracking an egg any time there's an egg to be cracked, stirring the waffle or pancake batter while I add to it, and eating cookie dough when it's done.  They don't care much beyond that and frankly I cook much faster without them.  Am I awful?

-  Quiet time happens when they watch a movie after a morning in the sun and water, while Finn naps.  I think quiet time is supposed to be a time for reading and reflection.  We've got room for improvement there.  At least it's quiet and we can all recover from the fast paced morning.

-  Family time is all the time.  Maybe this needs to be scheduled in when they're teenagers.  But they can't do much without us now.... so by default, we rock at family time.  

So mostly-- we're just going with it.  We fill our weeks with friends and swimming and chaos and fill in the holes with whatever we feel like.  It works for us.  I guess this is my public declaration that I'm letting myself off the hook for any list of 101 things to do this summer.  I am a horrible planner and I'm afraid of commitment-- but I love to be busy and happy.  So I'm soaring with my strengths.

(p.s. If you are organized and fabulous enough to have done some incredible summer plan with a check-off list, I am obviously just super jealous. )

Hungry for Hunger Games

It's Monday.  And I just don't feel ready for it.  In fact it's almost 4 pm on Monday, and I still don't feel ready for it.  We couldn't get a sitter this weekend, which is a regularly scheduled and essential part of our weekend (apparently, since I'm going batty).  And now I feel like I'm suffering from lack of rejuvenation and total and utter depression that I'm like the only person on the planet who hasn't seen The Hunger Games.

I usually don't worry about seeing a movie when it's new. I read and loved the Twilight books but lost interest in those movies the second I saw Kristen Stewart and her overly shifty, downcast eyes and irritated expression in a preview.  We still haven't seen the last one... or two... I don't know.

But The Hunger Games.. I think it's the only book I've finished in just a couple of days. I'm not that kind of reader.  There are too many other things that steal my "free" time, sadly, and I don't make reading as much of a priority as I wish I did.  I'm so sad when I finish a really great book, but it takes me a long time to get into another one and sometimes a long time to get through the first half of whatever I finally choose before it really pulls me in.

The Hunger Games was a serious exception though, like it is for most.  And was such a fascinating, fast story.  From what I can tell so far, I LOVE who they've cast in most of the roles... and I especially love the face of Katniss... I'm a little nervous that Peeta might look too little-teenage-heart throb- and less .... like he does in my bread-scented dreams..... just kidding.  But I haven't heard anyone complain, so maybe I won't feel like that once I've seen it.  I'm dying.  I think we'll have to do a week-night date.

The photo? Just because.

Blogging

I hear a lot of talk lately about how blogs are a thing of the past.  It breaks my heart a little since I've always really loved having this record going of our lives.  But I think I'm ok with it.  It was always supposed to be about saving the memories for myself and my family anyway right?  Certainly no reason to stop that-- and no reason that it has to be IN for it to be worth my time.  It sort of takes the pressure off and makes me feel like I can go back to my blogging "roots".  When I just wrote and wrote and never even spell checked because I didn't understand blogger yet.   Although it WAS fun back when we all had time to comment back and forth wasn't it?

Blogging has been constantly evolving for me.  It started as a way to keep in touch with a few close friends from college and keep tabs on each other's lives.  I loved that it gave my family a place to see pictures of my ONE little baby girl, Sophia. (I started when she was 1!)  Then I got into taking pictures and it became more of a hobby too--- to make my blog a little prettier, and have somewhere to share my pictures I thought were so lovely.  YIKES. (still good halloween memories, just really scary editing... and no that's not finn in a yellow tutu--- it's Mila.)

Unfortunately once I started taking pictures for other people, I got a little worse at taking pictures of my own family... and my blog became a little less of a thorough record of us.  I didn't love that turn.  Which is why I've loved instagram.  It's given me an easy way to be constantly documenting the little things... so the memories are SAFE and sound and if I blog them, in the (dreaded but unavoidable) blurb book.  Some day.

But every once in a while, when I pull out the real camera for one of their little faces, I remember why I used to want to post photos of them every single day.  Some things just never go out.

It's all about the presentation

I've always struggled with regular family dinners where we all eat at the same time. My kids are starving and begging for dinner at like 5, and Ross is home and ready for dinner by 6-- at best. I can't figure out how to make it happen! It works out sometimes, but it's hit and miss, and I'm not creating that regular conversation-around-the-dinner-table setting that I've always planned. Everyone's remedy is to give them a snack before... but in my mind, that meant I was busy and letting them fill up on crackers (bleh) before dinner. Not the goal.

So I was having this conversation with a friend the other day and she said the rule in her house is just fruits and veggies after 4... 'till dinner. I like it.

But will they? That's the question.

No. That's the answer. ( I think to myself.)

I'll have a revolt.

Can I handle a revolt in the middle of the 4:30 -6:30 night-time rush?

Mmm... I'm thinking not. I'm weak.

But then she recommended the cupcake tin. A fun way to make your own veggie (fruit.. and whatever else is healthy enough to feel ok about before dinner) tray. Put it outside for a picnic and you're pretty much mother of the year.

Beat them to their out-of their-minds hunger craze and they don't even know that what they really wanted was a baggie-o-empty-calories.

My poor diseased babe

We'd had at least a few days after we rid our home of strep-throat. For the second time in a row. So it's not like I'm complaining. And before that, the vomiting had only been off and on for that week stretch over Christmas. It could be so much worse. And that part I say with no sarcasm. It really could be. I keep reminding myself of that.

Finn got that icky hand-foot-mouth virus- ahem--- hand-foot-mouth-disease. Why they have to put "disease" in the name, I have no idea. Just to make it seem SO much freakier than it already is. And to scare all of your friends extra far away so your kids will not only be sick but sick and bored out of their mind. That's why.

But apparently it's "very common"-- though I've only known one other kid to get it (nephew, Joseph as a baby). He had finally seemed over the throat and ear stuff... had a couple of great days and then awoke from a luscious (and abnormal) 4.5 hour nap with two little pimples (?) by his mouth. He must have had a mild fever I hadn't really noticed. Since it starts with that. But over the next two days his face got a few more pimply things that turned into sores... and his hands became spotted with these blisters. Surprisingly, his hands didn't really seem to bother him that much (though they looked AWFUL). So once we were past the first day when the sores must have started in his mouth and throat (so he wouldn't eat) it wasn't actually that bad. But it looked awful.

Did I mention it looked awful?

And so I took a picture. (doesn't do it justice)

And so I'm blogging about it.

Now Mila has it. Booh. And the worst part might be that her sweet little face has the same sores by her mouth. And I'll catch her picking which worries me they could scar!? And do you know one of my worst aversions is to people picking at scabs and cuticles and things that would hurt--- (not pimples-- love picking pimples-- totally different)--- so even as I typed the word "picking" I lose some feeling in my legs and feel a little light headed.

Also, she said her feet hurt too bad to walk most of yesterday. That was a bummer too.

So sick of being in isolation. I think I've missed church three of the last five sundays or so... due to some rotten sickness or another.

I'm beginning to think I'm doing something wrong. Am I not supposed to be serving their dinners off the bottom of their shoes?

Here's hoping we're on the mend. Crossing fingers...

Life is Good.

A few from one of the shoots I just finished up...

Life's been busy. I feel like I say that every time I take a minute to write anything on here, so I'm sure it's getting old. I know it's busy for everyone. But I find balancing everything to be getting trickier and trickier for me.

Maybe it's just hitting me hard right now since I'm still trying to get through the last few pre-Christmas shoots. And I'm finding it hard to fit anything extra into a day besides the essential. And I haven't quite put photography into the essentials category.

What me-time things should be sacrificed because that's what you do as a mom? And which ones are worth prioritizing for your sanity and health? I'm sure it's different for everyone? But I think sometimes it's too easy to say "you need that! It's important that you take care of yourself!" ... to others.... or yourself--- the whole world tells you that. And I think it's totally true. But I also thing too much of that thinking can be dangerous. And unfair to your children. I'm trying to find the balance.

This is sounding familiar.... I just remembered I blogged a quote that touches on this...

ok ... so I just found it from this old post.

"Selfishness in any form or degree weakens the bonds that hold families together. The rise of selfishness in our society is the fundamental underlying trend that undermines families and makes successful marriages so difficult."

So I know I need some excercise, and some grown-up time, some hobby time, and some study time, some time for cooking, and cleaning, and organizing, some time for maintaining relationships, time to serve in my church calling, and serve in general, time to be CREATIVE, and be inspired (this is how I make pinterest sound less petty).... time for Ross, time for friends, time to be ALL ALONE..... and yet before there's time for most of this....

Time for my kids. Time to play with them, read to them, make food for them (which could consume almost my whole day if I let it... they are my children and love to eat), time to help THEM be creative, time to photograph them, time to kindly discipline them and teach them, time to bathe them and snuggle them and make memories with them and and take them to the park-- time for fits (this can really put a wrench in any time-table I think I've got)...time for homework and chores, and friends and sight words, and teeth-brushing, and scripture reading--- time for comforting and bandaging and rocking and tickling and apologizing --- time for forgiving... ...... BREATH......

Is it even possible that there could ever be enough time in a day? And then you see (or read) women who truly seem to do it all. And maybe that's where I'm an idiot. I know better than to compare myself to super-women. Some women are just insanely super. Maybe they need less sleep, or work way more efficiently, or don't waste time on the computer, or got hit by a giant meteor, or have just been blessed. And I'm happy for them and grateful to them--- they help us to strive a little harder.

I'm like 90% happy for them--- 10% hoping they're actually secret hoarders.

Ok maybe like 80/20.

SO--- my main and all-encompassing resolution for 2012 is to find a happy balance in my life with all of the extras... so that I can focus more energy on being a fabulous mom.

Another quote I believe firmly:

"No other success can compensate for failure in the home." J. E. McCullough, Home: The Savior of Civilization [1924]

Here we go.

Busy

Here's a few favorites from a recent shoot. Taking the time to blog a whole shoot on my photo blog seems wasteful right now... there's too much I'm behind on as it is. Maybe I'll just throw in a few here and there.

We finally decorated the tree last night. I did some video and (in my dreams) I hope to actually put together a little Christmasy video from it... we'll see how that goes. Hopefully better than the ragnar video I've meant to do since September. Obviously I'm inspired by the videos over on The Little Red House.

Figured out address labels and hopefully I'll get my cards out on time this year! I'm thrilled about it.

It's cold enough that my hands feel a little numb as I type. I'm in heaven.

Just because I never got around to an "I'm thankful for" blog, doesn't mean I'm not thankful. My head is exploding with all of the things that I'm thankful for this time of year.

Sophia and Mila are the coolest girls I've ever met. My time with them feels more and more scarce already (1st grade is SOOOOO long) and it makes me that much more aware of how much I love their company.

But Mila still throws fits that make me wonder if my neighbors will call the cops on me. Although our Elf on the Shelf has seriously helped my cause. When she's not TOO tired or TOO hungry where she can't think straight, she stops herself before a fit because of Ellie (the elf.) I think it was worth every penny. Though I sure wish I came up with it... 30 bucks for a book and like a dollar store doll? Nice.

I'm eating way too many cookies and not enough vegetables. Why do veggies stop sounding good when it's colder?

Finn is 11 months and cruising all over the house. I'm excited for/dreading him walking. Wish me luck.

Trying to SLOOOOOWWWW down the days so the anticipation for Christmas can last just a little longer...... I think bread smells better cooking than it tastes.... maybe this is the same?

Like the best laugher ever

This is Emma. We took her family pictures a couple of years ago and then a couple of weeks ago. She was a dream for me. She had so much attitude and couldn't help herself from laughing every time we begged her not too. I was in heaven.

Things have been busy around here. Lots of picture-taking, lots of editing, lots of chores, lots of time-outs, lots of homework...

luckily also... lots of cool weather, and hot chocolate, lots of Christmas music, and yummy foods, and lots of family.

I've discovered instagram which I must admit, is the quickest easiest way to feel like I've frozen and saved a sweet moment-- which makes it that much harder to justify finding the non-existent time to get over here and blog. I miss my blog. It's theraputic for me to keep it up. And I love the dream of someday having books containing every morsel.

I'm thinking in like 20 years when all of the kids are off at college. Then I might "have" time.

There's no place like home

- These are my new red flats. They were on sale at J. Crew. Pay no attention to what looks like an abnormal gap between the little toes on my left foot. That's weird. It's sad that it's sort of a big deal for me since I am almost always in running shoes, or flip flops.

- Mila has strep, poor thing--- so we have been stuck at home for the last couple of days. She turns 4 on Saturday and I just keep counting down the days till she's 4 1/2, which is when I swear Sophia's behavior switched over to AMAZING. Mila's tough right now. Have I mentioned it? Knocking on wood that she (in all her glorious differences) might follow suit on that little calendar item.

- Ross's parents are moving to the desert!!!!!! His dad got a job here a while ago, that was recently made more permanent, and I am constantly lost in daydreams about what it'll be like to live so close to family. SOOOO excited!

- I loved the Twilight books so much... I wish I was more excited for the new movie. I wish I could have picked the cast. I mean, that's all I ask. Just can't get used to Kristin Stewart and how she always looks ticked off... and maybe high.

- Been busy taking pictures lately. Had a mishap with my 50mm and am having it repaired, so I rented the 35mm 1.4..... THAT's been fun. What a lovely lens.

- Baking way too much bread, and cookies, and nightly pizookies. Fall is here and baked goods just feel soooo gooooood.....

- Speaking of baked goods.... I need to make a yummy dessert for our big family Thanksgiving... anyone have a recipe that's to die for?

Misunderstood?

I remember a long time ago, I saw someone write in their sidebar something to the effect of "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it on my blog." I wondered why anyone would be saying mean things on that particular blog in the first place. Now I know there are plenty of people that just like to say mean things under a faceless name.

For whatever reason, I seem to get an occasional mean comment. I don't allow anonymous comments, but it doesn't matter, they just put in some name. Sometimes it really hurts my feelings. Sometimes I think they're loony tunes.

I recently got one on the post about lice-- don't worry, I deleted it-- I don't mean to make a big deal out of it. But it did make me a little concerned that maybe I was sending a message that I hadn't meant to send? I thought she was just loony tunes. But I can't bare the thought of other people sharing her sentiments. So I just wanted to clarify.

In the post about Sophia's head lice... yes I did want to (partially for comic relief) try and assure myself and everyone else that we are not dirty people. That doesn't mean that I think others who have gotten lice are dirty people. I guess I hoped that was obvious since I'd just been through it. I know from the things I read that that is, however, an old-school sentiment... and wanted to help set the record straight. For selfish reasons of course. But I'm not sure that makes me shallow. Maybe it does?

Also, I said "In the future, if I ever get one of those notes home from school or think my kids were around some poor kid who got lice..."

And for heaven's SAKE, I didn't mean POOR... like a kid without money! Really??? It seems insane to me that it would be read that way. But maybe that's only because I'm the one who wrote it? Just please know, (in case my unfriendly commenter wasn't alone in her concerns over my humanity) I mean "some poor kid" like "poor baby". Like some poor, unfortunate kid (just like Sophia) who was unlucky enough to catch it from some other poor, unfortunate kid. And by unfortunate, I don't mean like "without fortune" as in without money. Oh boy.... this could go on and on...

So Rochelle, clearly you've made your mind up about me. Please feel free to move on. There's a wide world of people to criticize online, if you're into that sort of thing.

The "Dun dun dun"

Let me lead with a few quotes that I dug up on the ever-reliable world wide web.

"A common misconception is that lice infestation is a result of poor hygienic practices. In fact, it is actually believed that head lice prefer clean hair to dirty hair."

"Getting head lice isn't a sign of bad personal hygiene or an unclean living environment."

"Having head lice does NOT mean the person has poor hygiene or low social status." (ouch)

Now that we've made that nice and clear.... Sophia, my sweet CLEAN :) Sophia, had LICE!!!

Lice. LICE! I've heard of people getting it. My mom says some of us had it as kids. I don't remember ever having it, though I remember having a tick burned out of my head that was burrowing it's way into my skull once.

I knew it was one of those things you might face with school-aged kids. But I didn't think I'd face it like two days into first grade.

As it turns out, once I starting scouring the internet for information about it, she got it before school started... it takes longer than a few days to get to a point where you would notice anything. I had heard about it going around a bit before our trip to Hawaii, and freaked out, imagining it hitting us right before we left town and ruining the trip. But I checked the girls a few times and saw nothing out of the ordinary.... then took off to Hawaii and didn't think about it again.

I discovered it last Thursday morning, when I went to do her hair for school and she said it itched.... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... I get the eebi jeebies again just remembering that moment. I started inspecting her scalp right where she was itching and saw a couple of moving bugs!!!!!

"Roooooooooosssssss!!!!" Thank goodness he was still home. So after calling my pediatrician, he went out to get me everything we might possibly need to fight this INSANE war.

My ped told me to use 1 tbs olive oil, 1 tsp tea tree oil, and 1 tsp eucalyptas oil mixed with an equal part of Johnson and Johnson's baby shampoo.... to wash with it and leave it on for 30 minutes. We did it... and I started the dreaded "nit-picking" (never realized where that term came from, assuming it's from this?) One fell on the towel we were sitting on, and was still crawling....

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! THEY WEREN'T ALL DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So we went for treatment two, the stuff most people use, RID. But first I had to blow dry her hair since you have to apply it to dry hair. Now I'm picturing them flying all over my bathroom. Is your skin crawling? Mine hasn't stopped since last Thursday.

Now as much as I don't want to treat my kids with pesticides, that is NOT why I chose to try the other route first. I wanted to do whatever it took to kill these nasty bugs. But my doctor didn't even tell me to use the shampoos, they said that lice have built up a resistance to the pesticides used in the lice shampoos over the years, and that they are not as effective as they used to be. But that these oils did a far better job. And as a perk, they won't kill your kids. So I tried 'em. I wasn't so sure... so then I tried the other stuff too. In hindsight, I think a few just died a little bit slower of a death.

Which might not be such a bad thing.... they deserve it.

So back to the nit picking... where my hands dive into my sweet daughter's head of hair that I just saw crawling with live bugs.

I can honestly say that (at the time) it was one of the hardest things I've done as a mom. I was trying not to seem too disgusted... worrying it would hurt her feelings. And I still can't get over that while she has been SOOOOO sensitive and easily offended lately, she was barely phased by the idea that she had LIVE bugs in her hair. She was afraid to lay down in the bath water to rinse her head, for fear that a bug would come OUT of her hair and get in the bath and "get her".

...

But it didn't bother her that they had already infested her head. ?? Don't know.

The other crazy thing is that for school on Wednesday (the day before I found it), I had braided her hair in two braids. That means I'd parted it and really gotten my fingers in there, and I didn't notice a THING. These suckers are really small.... but what I really think happened, and it's really disgusting, is that some eggs had just hatched overnight. Which is why she was suddenly scratching.

Are you still reading? Or is this way too much information and way too gross. Eggs--- filled with blood-sucking bugs--- hatching in your hair.

It's like that scary story from those old "scary stories" books, where the girl has a big zit on her cheek and then it hatches in the bath and baby spiders crawl out. Oh no... it wasn't a zit at all. I think that haunted me in my preteen years. Maybe it still does.

Back to Thursday... BLACK THURSDAY, I think I'll call it. Because I will never forget that day. After the second shampoo, it was 11 am, and from that point, until a little after 7pm that night, I was hunched over Sophia, in all sorts of weird positions as she tried to get comfortable, picking through... almost literally, every SINGLE hair of her head. I put it all in a pony and took a small section at a time and went through a teenie line of hair... over and over and over and over.... most tedious thing I've ever done....

I fed Finn as quickly as I could when he needed it... Put out bowls of snacks on a blanket on the ground for the girls, and switched out movies, precisely FIVE times.... but other than that, it was eight hours of STRAIGHT nit-picking. Ross came home once in the middle of the day to help clean the house and wrapped his day up early. He took the two little ones for the last hour or so while Sophia fell asleep on the toy room floor with two strawberry girls in her hands, and I picked through the last small section of her hair with a big flashlight on her. Poor thing... she was so tired of it all.... but such a good sport.

(no idea why my font changed there... can't figure out how to fix it- sorry)

After they went to bed, we scoured the house, washed everything I hadn't already washed that morning, and bagged everything else (soft stuff... barbies, stuffed animals, clothes etc...) to leave it in the garage for a couple of days. (They say that lice can't live over 48 hours off the body, so to bag anything they could be hanging out on.)

I've picked through her hair every day since, and I don't think I'll ever be the same. I'm pretty sure I'll be doing a quick check every morning at breakfast for the rest of their childhood. Those nits are TINY... SO tiny, and practically invisible. They're not white like I've read some places online. They are... invisible. seriously. Or at least on Sophia's hair. They are pretty much sandy blonde. And it makes me sick that they all had to GET there somehow. And that I didn't see a darn thing until I started SEARCHING. Seriously. I don't ever want to go through that again. And I wouldn't wish it on ANYBODY.

Which is why I thought maybe just MAYBE it'd be helpful to write this all out for somebody.

In the future, if I ever get one of those notes home from school or think my kids were around some poor kid who got lice. (Um... by poor- for the record-- I mean some unfortunate kid who was unlucky enough to get lice.... not like some kid with no money. Got a mean comment... better just make that nice and clear.) I would wash their hair THAT DAY with the oil mixture... or the shampoo. Nothing kills the eggs... but if you got a bug in your hair from someone else, which is how it all starts... a shampoo could kill that bug before it lays any eggs and RUINS YOUR LIFE.

Ok it's not THAT bad. But almost. In hindsight... maybe it's not as bad to me as I thought it was?? But I think I've felt like that through every difficult mommy thing. It's always kind of empowering to realize you've survived something. Dramatic? Let me know if you think that after you've done lice. I could have died of non-stop heebie jeebies. And I was seriously considering shaving her head about three hours and three inches in to her hair. And I love her long hair!

Warning: if you google images of nits, bring a bowl, because you will want to throw up. And for the record, that is NOT what Sophia's head looked like. Her's were here and there, and SOOO hard to find... not some nest of white eggs like someone dumped tapioca on her head. But disgusting nonetheless.

We watched Jane Eyre a couple days after, and I couldn't stop thinking about what they must have done in the old days when they got lice. They must have had it forever. Or just dipped their head in kerosene like my grandma did. While that day, I kept thinking.. "it's 2011, I can't BELIEVE there's not a better way to do this"... I guess it could have been worse...

Am I gonna regret sharing all of this? Please don't shun us. If you do, we'll sneak into your house and give you all of our old hair ties.

My hard drive crashed

UGHHHH--- what a bummer. I was without a computer for a few days there... maybe it was good for me? But I got dizzy from all the walking toward my seat and turning around when I realized it wasn't there.

So our data was technically all backed up, but now we're trying to figure out how to retrieve it all. It's supposed to be an easy process, buuuuuuut..... It's been "restoring files" for like 36 hours now and I believe the number of files remaining has stopped going down. And I'm not in the mood for another roadblock. It's been sort of a rocky week or so.

More on that to come. Dun dun dun.....

So hopefully I'll have my pictures back soon--- I've got way too much to catch up on.

- The rest of Maui

- 1st grade

-the "dun dun dun".. are you in suspense? You should be.

- Sophia turned 6! and does anyone want to comfort me and let me know 6 is supposed to be a little hard... because my ANGEL has been SO moody and sulky lately.

And more. Mostly whatever pictures I feel like looking at when I look at my blog... and whatever comes to my mind when I'm posting them.

Thank goodness for this long weekend we just had... why do I feel like I already need another? Is it just me? Life is getting far too busy for my tastes.

THE FIRST DAY

I'm not gonna lie. It wasn't good for me.

She was a trooper, even though none of her new shoes fit and we had to make do and use some old sunday shoes while we quickly put in a new order at Zappos. Thank goodness for free-return shipping--- I've gone crazy there lately. We are NOT stocked up on closed-toe-shoes around these parts.

I'm glad to see her smiling in this picture, because I kind of want to cry every time I think about her being there right now. I know she can "handle" it. But I want it to be a lot better than that. I didn't get the teacher that I'd hoped for... and while I'm sure this teacher has all sorts of strengths, I worry they're not the right ones for Sophia. From my impression, and from what I've heard, she comes off much more business-like, less warm and fuzzy. I respect that personality in a lot of areas--- but with my sweet and sensitive little not-even-six-year-old---- I want as warm and fuzzy as I can get. I know her. And I KNOW that a tender, kind voice and warm expression go a LONG way with her. She's so obedient and so kind. She lives her life to avoid being scolded... so when she deals with someone that uses too firm a voice or attitude... it breaks her heart. And don't get me wrong--- sadly--- I use a firm voice (sounds much better than "I yell like a madwoman") often in our home... but rarely at her... she just doesn't require it that often. And she doesn't respond to it.

It's strange, because I don't think it's fair to judge someone off of a first impression and some hearsay--- but I guess when it comes to your child, you're not so concerned with what's fair. I just want to know that I've done everything I can to put her in the best possible situation for the year. I worry she's not in it right now.

I seriously feel like I haven't been able to sleep the last two nights... I'm so hopeful and anxious to try and make a switch... but trying to figure out the best way to go about it. And of course trying to feel out Sophia and figure out what will really be best for her.

I just feel like every step forward in parenting is TERRIFYING to me. A first-grader? Are you kidding me? I never feel prepared enough, or aware enough, or old enough. And I'm thinking I never will. I feel like that principal is going to look at me like I'm a silly teen-mom who wants her daughter to get the cool teacher. I know I'm flattering myself. I realize no-one else thinks I look like a teenager still. But inside I do... I'm sure of it.

Would it really be so bad if we just ran around playing strawberry shortcake and building forts all day? I think I miss summer already.

A girl can dream

We've been busy. Swimming, staying up late, sleeping in (which means I stay in bed and feed Finn, then put him back down for nap 1, while Ross leaves for cross-fit, then work, and my girls run wild around the house or watch a movie on the new ipad. Ok so I'm not winning any mommy-awards this summer... but we ARE enjoying ourselves.)

Anyway-- the pool above is NOT the one we've been swimming at, but it's so lovely I had to post it. But again, I don't know where I saved it from, so let me know if it's yours and I'll tell the world! I wonder if that patio furniture would look as good next to our dead bougainvillea and blow-up pool slash water slide....

Anyone watching Million Dollar Decorators? I love it-- even though it's absurd how much money people spend--- I like to dream that I'm going to win a beach house decorated by-- can't remember his name, cute gay guy with the blonde boyfriend--- not the British one that says "dahhh-ling" and "delicious" in a super breathy voice all the time. Don't know how much I could take of that.

Ahhh-- tomorrow's Friday. Always so excited for Ross to be home for a couple of days...

SUMMER!

(Thanks for the source Erica! This photo comes from this darling blog.)

I want one of these. Or maybe I'll just print this up life size and tape it to our wall and see how many of them we can check off this summer.

We are SOOOOO ready for summer in our house. Maybe mostly me. Who'd have known that one measly year of kindergarten would get me so revved up for some Biesinger-standard-time (meaning there is no designated time for anything) FUN!

Tomorrow starts the first full week. Will I eat my words? We'll see.

We're glad it's Friday

Here's what's up.

-Ross runs in the Tough Mudder tomorrow in... Big Bear I think? He was jogging around the house last night with a head cam attached to his head to see if he should try and tape it. I should have taped that.

- It's a holiday weekend! No school or work on Monday. HOO to the ray. We're going to the beach. It's about time.

- It was 96 today but felt great to me. I keep thinking maybe I've adjusted and this summer won't cook my insides.

- I need a serious tan. Does anyone swear by a certain self-tanner? I should have clarified. I need a serious fake-tan. I think the real sun is real-ly aging me.

- Goin' on a date tonight. whoo whoo. We skipped last week so I'm in the mooood.

- I just got these sheets for my girls' beds today--- I think I love them.

- I think I want to make this cake by the pioneer genius this weekend. YUMmy.

Happy long weekend!

I BELIEVE IN VISUALIZATION

via

We were all about it back in high school sports. I remember sitting in my car visualizing myself blocking in volleyball or hurdling with no stutter steps. I really believe that visualizing something helps you to eventually realize it.

I want to leap through a green field wearing a flowy dress and Giselle's body. I thought it might help me if I actually posted the visual somewhere I could see it again and again. Maybe up my chances.