Mila

 Oh Mila.  You are really giving us a run for our money these days.  I think I might finally have to read a parenting book which I've managed to avoid all these years....  It's a good thing you still have the cheeks of a chubby 9-month-old and a smile that melts all of the frustration away...

On Tuesday...

My Wild One

Mila,

Mila Mila Mila. You're four and a half this month and you are a ball of FIRE.  You are silly and wild and confident.  You are full of passion and have so much love inside you don't even know what to do with it. When you're cheerful, you love to snuggle and give kisses and sing "I love you"s through the house.  You love to make your brother laugh, and play pretend with your sister, and find ways to serve me and prove to me that you're getting older every day.

But you are intense and dramatic and haven't yet figured out how to manage your anger or frustration.  And you do get frustrated....  a lot.  These days, our home sees a lot of fits.... and it's not easy.  I won't lie, I am beside myself at some point of every day right now, desperate for answers on how to best deal with you when you can't have what you want.  Because that's the problem...

You WANT what you want.

.... but Mila, when you do.... mature a bit and figure out how to reign yourself in and think a bit before you react...

When you take all of that persistence and those high expectations and use them to get yourself more than chocolate chips for breakfast....

YOU will be unstoppable.  You will not let people take advantage of you or be unkind to you.  You know who you are and don't care what people think of you and while I wish you cared what WE think.... for now... I will let that go,  for the glimmer of hope that you might hang on to this trait through high school--- when everyone's following each other off the cliff and you're shaking your head in annoyance and yanking friends back because you KNOW what you want.

You are strong and smart and so beautiful.  I hope I can keep up with you darling girl.

xo Mom

Always a sweet treat

Just a few minutes before, I'd called down from where I was getting ready, "Mila, you doing ok?" 

"Yeah! I'm just playing!" she says, convincingly.

And then literally, within five minutes, I come down to find her all tucked in on the couch with Rapunzel-- out cold.  During Finn's nap.  A quiet house.... ahhh.... few things are better.

PINK

So I taped a big piece of seamless paper to the wall in my garage and wanted to see how the light would turn out out there.  Then I grabbed the kids off the trampoline and asked them to come help me for like five minutes.  They were already playing a game on the tramp involving these hats?? Judging from the picture above, I'm thinking something with aliens?  Also judging from the picture above, I think Mila will be an uber famous actress someday.

Have I mentioned that Sawyer lives right behind us (or to the corner of us) and climbs over the wall to play every day?  They don't have any fun together.  Clearly.

Blogging

I hear a lot of talk lately about how blogs are a thing of the past.  It breaks my heart a little since I've always really loved having this record going of our lives.  But I think I'm ok with it.  It was always supposed to be about saving the memories for myself and my family anyway right?  Certainly no reason to stop that-- and no reason that it has to be IN for it to be worth my time.  It sort of takes the pressure off and makes me feel like I can go back to my blogging "roots".  When I just wrote and wrote and never even spell checked because I didn't understand blogger yet.   Although it WAS fun back when we all had time to comment back and forth wasn't it?

Blogging has been constantly evolving for me.  It started as a way to keep in touch with a few close friends from college and keep tabs on each other's lives.  I loved that it gave my family a place to see pictures of my ONE little baby girl, Sophia. (I started when she was 1!)  Then I got into taking pictures and it became more of a hobby too--- to make my blog a little prettier, and have somewhere to share my pictures I thought were so lovely.  YIKES. (still good halloween memories, just really scary editing... and no that's not finn in a yellow tutu--- it's Mila.)

Unfortunately once I started taking pictures for other people, I got a little worse at taking pictures of my own family... and my blog became a little less of a thorough record of us.  I didn't love that turn.  Which is why I've loved instagram.  It's given me an easy way to be constantly documenting the little things... so the memories are SAFE and sound and if I blog them, in the (dreaded but unavoidable) blurb book.  Some day.

But every once in a while, when I pull out the real camera for one of their little faces, I remember why I used to want to post photos of them every single day.  Some things just never go out.

The Littles

While Sophia was at school... and we were airing out Finn's awful diaper rash-- I thought-- naked babies sure are cute-- and so, actually pulled out the big camera to document it. The out-of-control cuteness.

From the mouths of babes

Yesterday she said to me "mom, your bottom is beautiful, like the temple."

I whip around from the dryer where I'd been bent over... hence warranting a comment about my bottom.

"what?"

"Your bottom is a temple, so it's beautiful."

I stare in awe for a handful of seconds as I realize where she must have gotten this.

"Did you learn that from church?"

"yeah... " and she proceeds to sing a song (I think) she's learned in primary that teaches her "my BODY is a temple."

We had a nice teaching moment, and a very nice laugh. The both of us.

She's at that age where I wish I was video-taping her most of the time. Well most of the non-tantrum-throwing time I should say... gotta keep it real. This one's gonna turn my hair gray way too soon... I can feel it.

Mila

Sweet Mila,

I was looking back at the post below, and I see these pictures and I remember the moments of the day where you smiled just like that. Usually your teeth show too, but your nose scrunches up and your eyes squint and I shake my head in awe at how darling you are.

Usually it's when you're asking for a show or some bubble gum, but sometimes it's just because.

Sometimes it's when you've snuggled into me and pulled my head close to give me a good lippy kiss. Sometimes it's when you're thanking me for your snack or when I come in to get you at the gym and we reunite. I look at these pictures and I remember your soft morning voice and fluffy bed head, and all the times you told me you love me, and the way you use your tender mama voice when you're talking to Finn. I remember the good things...

I'll continue to post pictures of this smile.... so that perhaps I can repress the... other face you make all day. The one that usually accompanies shrieking. I know that your sweet side is as sweet as they come... but girl...

You are ON one right now.

And maybe pictures like this will get me through this phase we're in... the incessant fits and whining. The irrational screaming and discontent. You are lucky this smile is so cute baby girl. And that your sweet--- is dang sweet. And even with all of your attitude, and need to be SOOO three, I am so lucky to have you. Our home would have a hole the size of Texas, without you in it.

Mila's back at Teacher Robyn's preschool again this year. She's a good friend from church who has a handful of Mila's best friends attend in her home. It's the most darling group of kids and is so ideal to me. She loves it and wishes she "could go EVERY day!" I'm wishing 1st grade felt so good...

I think I was meant to be a mom of kids under 5. I'm googling homework sticker charts as I blog. I need some help motivating. I need help with a lot of things. HELP!

"She's a wild one, with an angel's face..."

As usual, Mila was having a melt-down today, screaming because Sophia wanted to draw, and so wouldn't play Pirate Princess with her.

"I'll play pirate princess with you." I offer--- thinking for sure this will cheer her up instantly. I'm a popular play-mate around here lately... unfortunately. (I LOVE my kids... I don't really love to play pretend.)

"I don't want to play with YOU.... you do we-ewd boices (weird voices) when you play!!"

And all this time I thought I was scoring points for that. All the wasted efforts. They just really know how to put me in my place these days.

Old Baby, New Baby

Put in situations that let her shine--- she shines. When she's being the big sister-- she loves, entertains, protects, and pulls out her highest-pitched, most dramatic baby voice for his benefit. I've heard some of the greatest made-up songs through the monitor when she goes up to sooth him when I'm busy and buying time.

However, without a nap in her life anymore, she consistently hits a wall each day and throws multiple tear-your-hair-out-because-you-don't-know-WHAT-to-do-as-a-mom, ferocious fits. She ends up hitting Sophia out of frustration if she can't have the toy she wants and after a very emotional (an understatement) time-out where she usually manages to hurt herself and then all of the focus turns to how I made her step on a rock or bonk her funny bone, she knows it's time to say sorry before she can move on. This is usually preceded by at least 10 or 15 minutes of laying on the floor crying "I can't say sorry! It's toooooo tricky to say sorry for me. I'm too tired to say sorry--- it's JUST toooo triiiiiicky!!!!"

Ross would say she got that from me. He's right. Sorry's are hard sometimes. I feel you, girl.

Just felt like it should be recorded, since it's been a serious phase in our house

I think this hit is old news now. So I'll use the timing of our obsession with it, as proof that we weren't exactly ENCOURAGING our children to have a premature love for pop stars. But they have friends, (Kate) and their friends have siblings (Madi) who also have friends (Mary) who thwart our attempts at keeping them singing only primary and princess songs. Thanks a lot girls.

And so we've conceded, and maybe even let them watch the video on youtube here and there. (What a cute kid? I had no idea.) And after hearing them singing it so many times, I thought I should record it before they've moved on. I just love hearing the words they come up with sometimes. They think I'm full of it when I try and correct them, "it's, 'are we just FRIENDS', not 'DENDS.' " They'll have no part. Psshht. "No MOM! Sophia said it's "dends."

Here, I caught Mila in the car (yes I'm driving but I could see the reflection of my camera in the review mirror so once I got it in the right spot ... I was all eyes on the road. Swear.

THE GOOD ONES

I used to feel some criticism for being too positive on my blog. Like I must be trying to make my life seem perfect. It bothered me. I don't get that as much anymore, so maybe it's nice and clear now that it is far from perfect.

But since perfect isn't really my goal there, I really am so so so happy. And while I love writing down my stress and frustration too... I'm certainly not going to downplay my happy moments. I NEED those moments tucked away and saved forever.

So, when Mila was past her first horrendous fit of the day after she couldn't steal the ONE strawberry shortcake picture Sophia was coloring and instead had to chose from the remaining seventeen-- and her sweet side surfaced-- I thought I'd capture it... and perhaps by documenting it, I'd will it to stick.

Or something like that. (Excuse me that I look like a hundred years old in this picture. There's no reality check like putting your morning face next to a bright-eyed three-year-old. Did I mention I turn 30 next month? Holy moly.)

Honestly... to look like that after rolling out of bed and crying for 20 minutes.

Ok so we may have done a booger-cleaning and a pony. Oh if that's all it took for me.

If I'm gray by thirty, I blame her. And the number, three.

I have to remind myself that I went through it with Sophia too... and she turned out rather pleasant. (I know she's five and I can't really say she "turned out" yet. But still.) So I know it's a phase. Or I'm hoping it's a phase.

I'm praying it's a phase.

Please don't tell me otherwise... I couldn't handle it in my fragile end-of-the-day-with-a-raging-temperamental-three-year-old state. She wears me down like no body's business.

In the last two days I think I've marched her to the laundry room for time-out like 39 times. It does absolutely no good. On the contrary, it makes her angrier, like swatting at a bumble bee. Or hissing at a rattle snake. (I've never done that... but I imagine it's a bad idea.) She screams from the other side of the door, "I don't LIKE YOU! I'M GONNA BITE YOU!!!"

But of course I still do it, because I don't know what else to do! I have to do SOMETHING when she snatches Sophia's toy right out of her hands and then pulls her hair when she wants it back. Or when she turns over furniture because I won't let her have spicy chips for breakfast. Or when she purposely screams at the top of her lungs right by Finn's door as he naps because she wants to wear a "new" skirt today. Which means it can't be something we already have. And school's in 15 minutes. Where am I supposed to get the new skirt? Oh that is the LEAST of her concern.

She can be the cutest little miniature person with her miniature walk and silly jokes and sweet voice. She can turn me to pudding. But for the other 10 waking hours of the day, she is on a mission to drive me completely insane.

Mila's self-portrait

(I feel like I'm always saving and saving and then eventually... just dumping. I keep promising myself I'll save more of their artwork digitally like this.)

Somehow I hadn't noticed how Mila's art skills were evolving. Then I went to a mommy-and-me day at preschool and saw her draw her self-portrait. I died... because then I paid a little more attention to what she was drawing in our art niche all day long and it was systematic... every time... the same. She starts with the eyes, nose, and mouth... sometimes does the ARMS (those are the lines that look like cheekbones above, then the two lines down for legs, and hair that usually extends longer than the "body"...

I love it. I think it gives a little insight into what they see.. she sees no need for borders... chin or cheeks or ears... just the face and the HAIR. She loves hair. She's always yanking out my pony, "take your pony out so you look beautiful mom!".

Mila

Mila,

You are three and I feel like I can see you at 100. You are confident and self-assured and honest. If you're honest to a fault, dad will say you're JUST like me. I'll be proud.

You are loving and snuggly and social--- but independent and so secure. You could play for hours by yourself-- a whole Mila show where you play the mommy, the baby, and the kitty cat... a little too often, the bad guy. You do voices and characters and imagine stories and conversations and make up songs that go and go.... I watch you in awe.

You still throw fits like no body's business and possibly bring out my loudest, meanest side. But we forgive each other quickly and tenderly. You can go from 0-60 before I know what's happening, but at the mention of a piece of bubble gum your entire countenance can be transformed and calmed.... you like to test me. You teach me patience and understanding... and you've made us masters of the art of distraction. I think you're just trying to make me a better mom. Your intentions are good I'm sure. :)

You are explosive and fiery, and yet so lovely and magnificent-- a sight to see. Like that space where the waterfall meets the water below. You can be so loud and strong--- but you can be so sweet and small. With your small morning voice and tiny hands on my back trying to touch me without bothering me whispering "is it still night-time? is it morning time yet?... I think it's getting morning time..."

You make me wish CONSTANTLY that I was better at videoing life... you are smart and darling and overwhelming and funny and clever and CRAZY and passionate and sweet--- so sweet.

I love you baby girl.

Mom

Em-eye-ell-ay

So I've been so caught up in all of the MANY things I need to help Sophia learn this year in kinder (that's a post for another day because, can I confess that I am already totally overwhelmed with the words she should be able to read etc..ahh!) anyway... been so caught up in her, that sometimes I forget that I should be working with Mila on her letters and sounds too. I forget what she's capable of. So her preschool teacher had told me one day that she wrote her name at preschool. Which made me realize... uhhh--- maybe I should be working on that eh? Her own name? Never seen her do that... What kind of mom am I?

So I've made a little more effort here and there, but all I'd seen her do was her "two mountains" or her M. Then all of a sudden, the other day, while we were working on it together, she banged out her whole name, and now she hasn't stopped!

I know it seems really small--- but I had NO idea she could write the other three letters, so to see her write it so perfectly over and over and OVER again---- well needless to say, we've got new artwork covering our fridge.

Thank you Teacher Robyn!

Lazy Sunday

I knew that Sophia would be amazing with Finn, but I wasn't TOTALLY sure how Mila would react. I had high hopes but tried to prepare for the worst since she can be a bit.... unpredictable right now. She's blown me away. She wants to hold him more often and longer than Sophia even. Sometimes when he's ready to eat or MID-meal... but it's still cute. She adores him, talks to him all the time and tells him how she's going to teach him how to walk and how to read. I think being a big sister will bring out her very best.

Today was Stake Conference, which means no normal church meetings or phone calls or lessons to prepare, or responsibilities for Ross. (I wrote myself off either way. :)) It was amazing. We slept in, Ross made waffles, I got a shower AND washed my hair... we ate fudgesicles on the broken trampoline and read a bunch of stories. And Brooke is bringing me dinner (even though I had all day to cook technically) because I just had a baby and that's what we do in the church. I LOVE it.

Happy Sunday.

Fairies and Pirates

We painted "fairy" houses.

And faces... thanks to some darling little helpers (some of my young women and activity day girls fromchurch)... thanks Brittany, Bailey, and Danielle!

Ross came just in time to tell his story about Blackbeard the pirate and his buried treasure... he lead them on a treasure hunt where they unburied the treasure box... I LOVED this part... the kids got so into it. It may have caused some tears since not everyone could see at the same time... but still... enthusiasm. :)

I love the fairy craze that's come with the tinkerbell movies. I just might be trying to encourage it in my house. But I just think they're so much cuter than the princesses... all sparkly and winged and sassy. How cute are these girls?

Happy Birthday sweet Mila.