Can you tell it's from Walmart?

Got my 89 dollar zebra ottoman. I think I love it.

Finally got the white pintuck bedding from west elm I've wanted forever, but they stopped carrying in white until after I bought other white bedding. At least it was ikea.

We've lived in this house for 2 years now... MAYBE someday my whole room will be done. But I think the zebra will keep me happy for a while....

Hump Day

I'm feeling it this week. Could it really ONLY be Wednesday? I got this soar-throat/cold thing that's going around, and amongst other things... not feeling too hot. But it's Easter this weekend! And that means Ross has Friday off which MEANS (and I'm just realizing this as I'm typing this) that really, I'm past hump day. Phew. All is well.

We rode our bikes over to this little desert "field" the other day. I like to believe we have fields near our house. I know it's just dirt with a few weeds.... but the girls still managed to kill the evening until Ross got home, picking flowers. They're such girls--- really-- picking flowers, looking for lady bugs, wearing princess shoes---- the other day we had Tanner over for the first time in a while and I could tell they weren't exactly seeing eye to eye on activities like they used to. Sophia wanted to paint and play "MC at a party".... ("welcome boys and girls! And now we have.... Tanner!!!!"- she says while holding the Rock Band Mic) and Tanner wanted to play fight in the backyard. I caught one glimpse of them play-fighting and Tanner had a big grin while Sophia's eyes were scrunched shut and her arms flailed while she backed away. "I don't want to fight anymore." They're so different, boys and girls. It's crazy.

Can't think of much else going on. Lots of pictures coming up on my photo blog. Editing on my new MAC is fun but frustrating. Still learning it, and I can't figure out how to do things as quickly as I used to. The keystrokes are all different and there don't seem to be as many available to assign to things. ??

My dad is hanging in there. Marybeth says he's resting peacefully and opens his eyes a little. Still intubated and needing a few machines. I just can't wait to get out there again at the end of April and I'm just PRAYING he's awake that weekend so I can talk to him, and sing him songs. Just kidding. Can you imagine? I don't sing. I can already imagine the furrow in his brow getting so much worse. I won't do that to you dad.

Still haven't sold our couch. I think we might donate it for the tax right-off instead. Let me know if anyone wants it for $200.

Oh and Brooke had her baby! She's SOO cute and looks a ton like Sawyer. Oh I love babies.

Another thing we did this weekend...

I've been wanting to try this Flourless Peanut Butter Cookie recipe since I saw it on Sheena's blog a while back--- guess it took the 5k to inspire me to skip my usual choc-chip-cookie recipe that calls for a pound of butter and 6 cups of white flour (I'm not kidding) and try something a little healthier.

And YUM--- they were a hit. Even Ross loved them, and he's usually weirded out a little when a treat tries to be healthy-ish. Wanna make 'em? Here's the recipe I copied from Sheena's blog.

Flourless Peanut Butter Cookies

1 cup peanut butter

1 cup brown sugar

2 eggs

1/2 cup old fashioned oats

1 tsp. baking soda

1/2 cup chocolate chips

Mix pb and brown sugar in mixer on medium speed until nice and blended (around 3 minutes)

Add eggs. Mix well.

Mix oats and soda.

Stir in chocolate chips.

Dough will be sticky and ooey gooey (professional baking terms there)

Spoon onto parchment lined baking sheet, and bake at 350° for 10-12 minutes.

I tried them frozen, as I do every cookie--- and this one... I like a lot better soft. Even a day or two old--- still soft and yummy.

Enjoy.

Our First official 5K!

Does it count if it was put on by our ward at church and took place in our neighborhood? And if the winner of the whole thing was 9-year-old boy? But Ross was 2nd amongst the adults!! :)--- with the girls in the stroller, and after the missionaries forfeited their metals. Maybe "official"'s not quite the right word. But it was a 5k nonetheless. Do I look worn out? I was. I could have sworn 3+ miles was no big thang. Did it all the time in HS right? Apparently I've been fooling myself--- running is hard. Really hard. And my body has changed. Missy, you will always be some kind of superhero to me.

Just in case you couldn't see JUST how red my face gets. Scary huh?

But it was still SO fun-- it reminded me of playing sports in highschool-- how being physically exhausted and pushed to your limit can bond people--- and clear your mind. Good start to the weekend.

Oh and it's a good thing Ross left me behind and got to take home the silver. Once we told Sophia we were running in a race on Saturday, she was VERY concerned with winning, and WHAT we were going to win. We kept explaining how it was just for fun--- but she wasn't buying that. A race? Where winning doesn't matter.

Pshaw.

Needless to say, she was VERY proud to get to wear a "gold metal" afterwards... and talked about it all day. "I'm so glad we won the race."

I might have some competitive spirt damage-control to do. It's a tricky balance right? I want her to be driven to do her best--- but maybe not be banned from playing scrabble with her husband in the future because of her obsessive need to win and sore-losership.

ok so I'm secretly proud.

For Sale!

(That wonky pillow in the first shot is driving me crazy--- but it's easier to use a photo I already have-- I'll deal...)

I just posted this on Craigslist... figured that it never hurts to post it on here for any local friends too. We're selling this lovely couch. Come check it out if you're interested. We're asking $300. Also, we still have the green velvet, Pottery Barn curtains. We're selling those now for $25 a panel. They go for like $125 per panel at PB. They're 96 inches long. Oh here's another shot.

And this funky old church pew I bough at a consignment store and painted green. $50.

The funniest show on TV

... in my opinion.

We watched last night's episode tonight. Favorite lines of the night, where I couldn't control even for vanity's sake, the fact that my mouth was frozen open in laughter while full of ice cream w/corn chex, and tears ran down my face:

"I feel like I ate the sun!"

and

"my mouth feels numb like at the dentist."

I still get the rise in my throat of laughter as I type. Oh I hope you're watching this show. If neither of these quotes does it for you--- hulu it. You're behind.

p.s. New photos over on my photo blog....

Bob Loblaw

Going to get my hair done!

Feeling super frumpy dumpy.

Especially after my photo with my MOVIE STAW.

I think I'm growing it out which is a nightmare because it means like 2 years of a length I don't like---- no wonder I never had the guts to go short before. It is a serious commitment. Ugh.

New couch arrived this morning. !!!! Pictures later--- once I sell the old and make the room look pretty.

Disneyland!

(My favorite kind of self-portrait. Especially compared to the one below.)

This is the second year we've had season passes, and it's so nice to be able to go for just a few hours and feel like it was still worth it. Yesterday Ross worked a half day, we took off at like 2, got to the park by 3:30, and stayed 'till like 10. Yikes. We don't usually stay that late. But Sophia is WAY more into rides now and we just kept "needing" to go on one more. We park at downtown disney where the first 3 hours are free and the next two are free with validation. Twice now we've been able to get the extra 2 hours validated with our reciept from La Brea express. I don't think it's supposed to work, but it has for us. So for a whole afternoon, we ended up paying just $10 in parking, without all the hastle of the tram etc... I love it.

You know what else I love? Chase from House.

CHASE FROM HOUSE!!! I always wondered what I would do if I saw a celebrity I liked--- I don't think I ever really have before. I saw Cole's police partner from Charmed once, years ago in a parking garage, but I was in my car and Ross was driving, so he had the control (Can you believe I just threw that out there as if there's no shame. And as if anyone knows the characters from Charmed but me.) It's in the past.

One bummer about taking a photo with a celebrity is you can't really check out the photo and say--- "mm... nope --- that's not going to work, I have boy eyes-- or I look like I just went for a run"-- and keep snapping 'till you get one where you look pretty. I think that may have crossed a line, since bothering him at Disneyland while he was there with his family didn't. So you get stuck with a photo like this one--- but you can't not post it, because it's Chase. And you love Chase, even if you don't know his real name.

So what DID I do? I don't think I was that bad. But Ross does. We were sitting there eating our popsicles when he walked slowly right in front of us, pushing a stroller all by himself. I gasped, and hit Ross's arm repeatedly.... I was so excited. And he may or may not have heard me. He didn't let on.

He walked like 20 yards down and sat on the same wall as us, waiting for his family it seemed. It was just before he sat that I took the paparazzi picture on the left--- I had to have SOME memory of seeing him in person. Ross just shook his head. I thought that was all I'd have. And then suddenly he was right in front of us again, and just hanging out there, waiting for his wife to come off of Small World... "well now it's like your taunting us, just begging for me to snap some pictures of you--- " he looked confused. Ross looked embarrassed.

"We watch your show--- sorry"-- Ross says.

"Oh--- did you want a picture?"

And then we proceeded to the awkward, half way picture-hug that I'm still not sure who instigated, where I smiled so big my neck muscles stuck out all freaky, right as his family came out from the ride. My head was on a swivel for the next hour or so, certain I was going to see more of my prime-time friends.

I'm a little disappointed in myself--- just for getting SO excited-- and venturing dangerously close to becoming that crying girl in the American Idol audience. I hope they didn't chuckle and roll their eyes as they walked away hoping to avoid us for the rest of the day--- but they probably did. And I think it was worth it.

Besides that.... we did the matterhorn (no idea how that's spelled) for the first time with the girls, Sophia loved it, Mila got a little nervous for a second but said she liked it at the end. Ross beat me at the Buzz Lightyear game this time... so the rally continues... all in all---- a hit. I don't think we had one fit, (if we did it was from Sophia who is having a VERY hard time with patience right now and with not getting what she wants when she wants it). Mila was a total doll---flirting with the whole park in her new Liberty of London romper. Anyone want to meet us there next month? Gotta get our fill before the crazy summer hits.

I love Disney.

Look what I found on my doorstep today:

I've been eyeing these babies since they first entered this small blogging world months ago. But I finally decided to pull the trigger. I figured they're totally justified since not only are they beautiful works of art for my house, but they're the classics, that I don't already have, for a totally normal (maybe even better) hardback price. I will confess, some I love, and some just had a cover I couldn't resist, but I want to buy a hundred and wallpaper my bedroom with them now. Aren't they lovely?

Last night was scary. Of course we've been feeling a little more out of the woods every day, with my dad. I was online looking up plane tickets for some time in April when Ian called me at 9:30. Apparently they'd done a CT scan and found a pocket of air behind his diaphragm, which could only mean one thing, a hole in his intestine. This meant that bacteria and "what not" would have been seeping into his body which is obviously horribly toxic, and they had to take him into emergency surgery.

This brought my heart right back into my throat, where it was last week. All I could think of was the doctor telling us, while we were out there, that he wouldn't DARE try to perform surgery on him in the state he was in, and that if he did, the mortality rate was upwards of 80%.

I waited, terrified, and anxious for the phone call. Ross stayed up with me 'till 1, but the call never came. Hopefully no news is good news.... I thought as I drifted off.

I got the text this morning that he'd made it through the surgery.

He's still critical and being monitored in ICU, but the fact that he didn't have a stroke and that his heart didn't stop during surgery were signs of his strength. The doctors, once again, were impressed. They had taken out a huge chunk of his large and small intestines, and decided to leave the parts of the pancreas they had planned to remove. They were able to wash off all of his other organs. He's sedated and we're not sure when they'll let him come out of it again. I can't wait to hear his voice and see his eyes open next time I go out there.

Besides this scary road ahead with my dad, life is good. The weather is amazing right now and every night we're on our bikes, at the park, or playing out front. It feels like we're part of a REAL neighborhood in a REAL town. Tonight we had our thai-chicken salads on the driveway while the girls rode their bikes around with the Baileys two doors down. (Well Mila scoots and flinstone's her way around in the little car). It's dreamy. If only this phase-- where we've got an endless supply of daylight without the triple digits... could last JUST a little longer.

Dad update

Last night, after seeing an already emotional movie (Remember Me... did everyone start sobbing within the first five minutes or was it my emotionally fragile state?) I got this text from Mary Beth:

"Great progress today... your dad is off the ventilator... after 2 hours of an oxygen mask, he is breathing on his own... and having ice chips... positioned sitting up, legs down, morphine every four hours.... pop the bubbly! I love him so much..."

It took my breath away. It was so hard to imagine him awake at all after seeing him the way he was for the couple of days I was out there. The fact that he could be breathing on his own, eating ice chips! Huge.

Every day is a little better and I'm SO anxious to get back and kiss his cheek and hold his hand now that he's waking up. He's still really groggy--- but when Mary Beth said "Randy, Lacy had her baby" he responded with a deep, scratchy voice, "I KNOW..." as in, "I know, you've told me that like a million times...arghhh".... Mary Beth was cracking up while she told me.

Now I just keep picturing the dad I know, who can talk circles around pretty much anyone, and will :)... I still remember leaning my forehead on the car window on drives with him as a kid as he went on and on about politics I refused to find interesting-- bored out of my mind. Now he can sense when we're checking out--- and he'll laugh and move on-- but he's NEVER short of conversation. Or PASSION about what he's talking about. And he's usually got a stronger voice and opinion than the rest of us. And there he was, stuck in that bed, in a sleeping body, possibly listening to us whisper in his ears unable to say ANYTHING in return! Oh how he must have hated that. If only I was a democrat, there would have been some silver lining to the whole situation. ;)

When I remember that he spent 5 months in the hospital all those years ago for a much milder case of Pancreatitis, I know there's still a very long road ahead. But I'm just so excited he's coming back, little by little.

I know prayer works--- thank you so much for all of yours.

Did I mention that Sarah and Paul were coming? Well they came.

...and they brought this lovely little ball of baby-hunger-producer (???), Julia. She was so darling. My time with Sarah was so short --- but fulfilling and much needed. She's so dear to me. It's such an old-person word-- but the only that makes sense right now. Dear. My dear friend Sarah.... who could not have married a more stand-up guy--- (and that's no pun for your height Paul--- (he makes Ross look short)).

I've got a few more to post but no time, just needed to get something happy on my blog... we miss you're whole family already!

Things are looking up---

A little at least. Every day beyond that first night seems so much closer to a safe-zone. My dad is coming a little more out of sedation... he's stirred a little bit today--- tried to open his eyes a sliver. He's still intubated-- so he hasn't started trying to speak or anything... but it's a good sign that he's waking up. If he wakes up without becoming agitated or showing signs of being in pain, they'll work on breathing exercises with him and see if they can take the tube out.

They hooked him up to a new dialysis machine that rid his body of four quarts of fluid... so I'm sure he's looking much better without all of the swelling. His pancreas levels (whatever levels they're measuring for that) are looking better.

Feel free to skip all medical updates--- I figure it should be recorded somewhere--- and this way it's accessible to family etc...

Thank you SO MUCH for all of your comments and emails and phone calls. I have really good friends. I think I could have stayed there for a week if I wanted-- or a month-- with all of the people that have offered to watch my kids. How about if I just want to take a vacation with Ross? Just kidding.

On a very EXCITING note. My sister, Lacy had her baby!!!! She went into labor this morning, and had him this afternoon. She had an epidural for the first time--- and we're thinking it's a good thing since he was 10 pounds and 14 ounces!!! Holy cow....

I feel like for good and bad--- life is full of such REAL and important things--- it makes some of my daily stresses seem so trivial. A little perspective is always good.

My Dad

(Here's my dad and Ian at his 60th birthday, one of his favorite photos.)

I don't really know where to start. I'm exhausted and emotionally drained and everything the doctors said is blurring together and I can't remember what organ is failing at what function etc.... but I'm just going to start writing.

Some people might think this is more of a private family matter, not something to share on a public blog. But my dad is like me, a wide open book. He talks to strangers like they're his best friend and before they know it, they think they are. I'm going to blame my inability to edit myself on him. :) If he had a microphone and a stage, he'd share most of his stories with the world. And they'd sound so much bigger and better coming from his deep, commanding, roar of a voice.

But my big, strong, ox of a dad is sick. Really really really sick. He had Pancreatitis 6 years ago, was in the hospital for 5 months, and recovered. I wasn't as close to my dad back then, and don't think I ever realized the severity of it that time around, he lost like 70 pounds and was told he'd probably never regain his size and strength. Within a year or so he was right back to normal, benching more than most 25-year olds, running health-clubs, and selling gym equipment on the side. We've never really looked back. It seemed a crazy fluke of the past, and he's seemed invincible again, ever since.

So, nobody was prepared when his fiance, Marybeth called us all on Saturday asking us all to pray for our dad since he was back in the hospital with Pancreatitis. She told us it wasn't life threatening, but he might be there for a while.

But a little later, after he got the news, my oldest brother, Ryon, called the hospital to get the update from the doctor... and this is when it got really scary. Apparently, they got him sedated, and intubated, and had tried to do a procedure where they go in with a camera to find what they thought could be a blockage in his bile duct. But during this procedure, his vitals started dropping and they had to back out and try to stabilize him. That wasn't easy. And when Ryon called, they told him that he might not make it through the night.

Dr. Rodriguez asked him, "if his heart stops-- do you want me to revive him?"

Still one of the worst lines I've heard.

Ross and I were walking into the mall to go to a movie when I got the phone call from my mom where she said "Lillie... have you heard about your dad.... the doctors said there's less of a chance of him surviving the night than dying."

I have never felt like I did right then. I have never felt that tight of a connection between my body and my emotions. Like someone had just sucked the air out of my lungs and dropped an anvil on my back. It just didn't make any sense... I just talked to him like a week ago and he was watching nascar and telling me about his success at the new gym he was working for in Galveston.

I sat outside the mall sobbing in confusion and disbelief with siblings on the phone while Ross brought the car around. Within a couple of hours, Melisa had bought our plane tickets and we were meeting Ryon at the Ontario airport at midnight for a red-eye to Houston.

Byron and Ian were on a trip to Mexico when they got the news--- and they caught the first flight out of San Diego. And Marybeth, who'd been in No. Cal visiting her daughter-- took off first thing Sunday morning. Lacy was at home awaiting her baby that was due the next day. My dad was all alone.

Ryon, Mel and I got to the hospital by 7:30 in the morning. That first hour was the hardest for me. To see him like that. He was totally sedated, he had a horrible fever, and a really increased heart rate so his chest was moving unnaturally fast, like he'd just run a marathon. They had him covered with wet towels, and ice at times, with a big fan blowing on him. He was my big strong daddy, and a little helpless boy. He looked uncomfortable to me, with a furrow in his brow. When we first came in, his head moved side to side a couple of times. I thought maybe he heard us.

The doctors started coming by to give us their updates. And I was just so grateful to be the youngest daughter, that I had so many siblings to make sense of it all if I couldn't. I wanted to follow every word they said, but then I just wanted to rub his hands and will his eyes to open so I could tell him how much I love him. I felt overwhelmed and confused.

They told us he'd come in Friday night by ambulance. He had serious abdominal pain and they could quickly tell how serious it was--- he fought the intubation and sedation, he's a tough dude--- sorry nurse-lady who told us "he's a cusser"--- you try hosting a wild-fire in your belly.

They were happy that he'd made it through the night. But certainly not about to give us a bunch of false hope. They explained that because the Pancreas wasn't doing it's job (I could very well be inaccurate on this part--- but I'm going to do my best) toxins had built up in the body and had essentially poisoned his other organs. His kidneys are not working, so they got him hooked up to dialysis, his lungs were struggling (I think?) so they had a breathing machine helping him, his heart was pumping too fast, but not hard enough, so his heart rate was high, but his blood pressure was dangerously low-- so they had him on medicine for that. And of course his pancreas was inflamed. He had an infection in his blood and bacteria in his pancreas, which they were trying to kill with antibiotics...

It's just baffling how one domino can get knocked over in a strong, healthy body--- and start such a horrific effect.

We left the hospital when visiting hours were over--- all day, we thought we'd squeeze in naps, but it just never worked, and now it was time for dinner, so we pushed through. I don't remember the last time I actually skipped a night's sleep. That was weird. My eyes felt like they'd been soaked in chlorine. I think I was drunk with sleepiness, because my brothers and Mel have never seemed so funny, and we were able to enjoy this strange, emotional dinner with just us grown-ups--- kind of bonding. I missed Lacy. I LONGED for my dad--- since a dinner like that is his dream come true. I love my family. LOVE my family.

When we came back on Monday, he looked a little better. His fever was down and his heart and blood pressure were near normal. They had turned off his sedative and reduced his pain meds. Apparently they don't want him to be too heavily sedated for too long, so they want him to come out a little, and then put him back under. I had to leave town by 2 for my flight. I have never wanted so badly, to see him stir, see an eye flutter, hear him swear-- whatever. I just so wanted to see him and KNOW he heard me tell him how much I love him. Unrealistic though... me and Mel flew out yesterday and the boys stayed. They still haven't seen him stir at all.

I have a lot more hope than I did the first day. I asked Byron what he thought would happen--- big brothers seem omniscient to me, so I'm glad I asked him-- " I think he'll live. Maybe if he lays in that bed for six months and is down to 145, but he's too strong. His body's not giving up."

So I've got a lot of hope. And I've got a lot of faith.

He could use a lot of prayers. Thanks.

Anyone know where I can find Roman Shades like these?

I LOVE them. This is why I need to learn to sew.

mmm-- I give up--- there is no clever title for this very random post.

When I first had Sophia, and I was a new stay-at-home-mom with hours of nursing to do, I was an AVID Kelly and Regis fan. I wonder when it stopped--- probably as soon as Sophia hit 2 and I felt like I wouldn't DESTROY her reading potential by letting her watch a show or two (or 10... I was pregnant). Funny how literacy in your second child takes a back seat. Mila's first words were "I Know You" from the sleeping beauty song. We started her good and young.

Anyway--- I miss my morning show. And my friend Kelly. (I have this problem where stars that I think I identify with feel like REAL friends to me. I worry if I ever run into them in the real world. I think I'd be super weird.) So it was fun to me when my friend, Katie, sent me this link to a clip from the show, and I got to catch a little bit of my old friends. Katie's dad's company was showcased for their new toy, check it out HERE if your kids like light sabers. Or fighting. (what?! never.) If you fast forward, their toy is the last one showcased. Pretty cool-- they went to the New York toy fair, and their toy was picked up as one of the best toys of the year. Here's their site.

Oh no. Sophia just hollered "MOM! Why did you throw my beautiful turtle away?!"

-"What? Well get him out, I didn't mean to!"

Tell me I'm not the only one who throws the preschool crafts out the same day. Busted.

Oh and one more thing. SARAH comes to my house--- TOday. For the first time. Well the first time to this house, married and with a baby and all. She's my best-friend from college and was and always will be a woman I ASPIRE to be. I can't wait to soak her up. And let our two little families just HANG... and eat. What does it say about me that I enjoy my friends based on how much they enjoy eating. She taught me to eat my ice cream with milk and cereal on it-- a staple of my life since college. You'd better not let me down with a post-baby diet Sarah.

Usually I look at some blogs, do some dishes, and eat some peanut-butter malt balls...

But today, during Mila's nap, I did this:

BEFORE:

sort of AFTER:

Well-- I couldn't get that corner behind the armoire until tonight when Ross got home and moved it for me, but besides that--- it seriously took like 2 hours. Why does it seem SOOOO daunting? It felt so much more productive than my.... usual routine.

Now---- unfortunately with the blue, there's like 5 more projects that popped out that NEED to be done. But I like it. The whole room was just WAY too tan... my couch is greenish, the blinds that came with the house are brown, the armoire's brown---- too much warmth. I was burning up in there. And blue is the only way I know how to fix that--- :) So there you have it. One more blue room in my house-- and I already feel so much happier in there. I'll try to remember to snap an "after" once it's really put together. I think I'll spray the two frames on the left white, move the armoire upstairs and work on getting some low, white-lacquered something-or-other from ikea for the tv... oh and build some simple white hearth to cover that ugly tile. :) Easy peasy. Hah.

Can you paint tile? That I can do. Would it just look like ugly WHITE tile?

And it's not even hump day yet...

(The photo has pretty much nothing to do with the post, but it's a happy visual, and one of the few images I have on my new computer, courtesy of The Image is Found. What a fun idea right?)

My sweet sister, Lacy is about ready to have her third baby, and is feeling it. She blogged about it here--- and all I could think of was how much I wish I could relieve her burden a little bit. My kids are at a good phase, I'm NOT pregnant, and life is pretty smooth.

But then this afternoon we had to LEAVE a friend's house which is always like the end of the universe, and my kids got grumpy, and I got grumpy--- and sometimes when I'm grumpy I start making lists of things I don't like in my head. Just to feed the fire, of course. I know I should be counting my blessings since I'm not bursting with child and nursing two ear-infections like my sister is--- but instead, I took the misery-loves-company approach. And decided to bullet some things I don't like. Why not?

Here are some things I'm NOT enjoying, today.

-Living so far from Lacy -- and not having a live-in nanny like Angelina so I can just fly out and stay with her to help after she has her little boy.

- Potty training

- The owie on Mila's cheek that she keeps picking in bed so bad that I'm worried she'll make a permanent scar. On that gorgeous baby-girl skin.

- That I've had two different friends come to me post-baby to borrow my clothes until they can fit back into theirs. Good for the ego. I get it Rachelle.... it only makes sense.... but still--- I'm like the Lane Bryant of the neighborhood. Cool.

- That after my camera workshop, I wish I bought the OTHER outrageous lens instead of the outrageous lens I did buy.

- In general- buyers remorse. I really hate buyers remorse. And I get it almost inevitably if I buy something over $100.

- That I can waste so much money on things under $100 and then wonder where it all went. Target!!!!! You home-wrecker!!!!! (Not yet, but I could imagine that marriages could be ruined... it seems most husbands prefer to keep their wives far far away from it's wonderfully stocked shelves. I love you Target... forever and ever.)

- My tan walls--- why does it feel like as soon as I moved in and painted my walls-- I also became addicted to design blogs where walls are white, floors are wood, and life is clearly just SOOOOOOOO much better. just kidding. But really--- can you do white walls when you have tile, tract home carpet, and tiny baseboards? I'm thinking it has to be part of a whole package. Where are all these hard-wood floor homes with cool moldings and slanted ceilings coming from anyway?? Not desert-suburbs, USA... I'll tell you that...

- That I can't keep a clean car. I'm disgusting. It's a part of my life I'm so ashamed of. And the worst part is that I'm so used to it that sometimes I forget and let someone peek their head in. It's not until I see them try to suppress the shudder that I remember that old milk-sippies, squished grapes and a half-eaten hot-dog on the floor are not normal. And don't smell good. Ross, why did you marry me? I'm disgusting. Seriously, I once ate a little 100-calorie-cookie out of Mila's car seat because I was hungry--- and it was there. It was in my mouth for point 5 seconds before I tasted the desitin. Meaning, a: I was.... eating desitin, and b: I was eating a cookie that had been TOUCHING the desitin. uhhhh... don't know about you but I only put desitin one place. I'm DISgusting.

- The fact that I can't post any random old photos because I'm using my new imac and don't have any on here yet and CAN'T figure out how to get it to open up my external hardrive. Any pointers??? I googled it and it looks like I might need to reformat the external, and erase everything in the process?? What a pain.

- Negative Nancies. Sorry--- I'm done. I know it was all pretty serious. Life is rough.

Just in case any of you local bloggers are interested...

We're dejunking our garage.... and selling this stuff on Craigslist. I just figured I'd mention it here too. Lawn Mower- $100 --- Bought it 3 years ago, only used it for about a year before we gave up (sick of killing our yard) and hired a gardener. Ross freshened it up the other day and made sure it was running well.

Dreamer Design Jogger: $75-- used it when Sophia was a baby--- been storing it ever since. I think that means I don't need it anymore. Nothing's wrong with it. Originally $260 or so.

Anyone want that chandelier that came with the house? It's free.

Anastasia Da Vinci Crib- espresso- $100

We sold this crib to a friend a while ago and she changed her mind because there was a little bit of damage to a small piece of the hardware.... I wish I could explain it better, but I'm honestly not really sure. I'm too lazy to figure it out, so we're selling it for $100. We don't have the directions to set it up, but I'm sure you could google it, and fix whatever the problem is, if you're up for it. It always worked great for us, but a little wood piece must have broken in our garage or something. We only used it for Sophia.

These green Pottery Barn Curtains. Set of four panels- $150-- Laurel green velvet, 96 inch length, 50 inch width, great condition. New ones go for about that much per panel. Here's the link to some similar.

Just thought I'd put it out there!

Wow

So we're back in town. We went to Vegas this weekend for my all day SHOOTSHOP by these guys, Nate and Jaclyn of The Image is Found. They're the ones on the left. Wow...... I mean wow. I'm not sure what I felt more of.... intimidation or inspiration. They are unique. AMAZING--- and unique. Can you tell? This is the photo they have in their "about us" section... they call it jowling? It gives me a headache just imagining shaking my head like that.

So they offer these "shootshops" for photographers. It's an all day experience,--- like 9 am to 10 pm after dinner. And the day flew by. I went back and forth between rapidly taking notes and just listening and trying to absorb everything. There were 25 of us in a hotel suite at the Mandalay Bay gathered around listening to the couple talk about photography, business ideas... tons of resources, post processing... and lots more. We went out to some rain ditch on the side of the freeway and watched the magic while they shot some lucky couple-- and turned two kids against a concrete wall into art. Seriously. I thought there'd be more magic in the post-processing... but we watched as he uploaded them to the big screen tv and they were already BEAUTIFUL--- straight out of the camera and beautiful. Dangit.

So I'm SOOO glad I went. And I've never felt so inspired. So inspired and challenged to push myself and be creative and unique. I absolutely love what these two do. They shoot mostly weddings and engaged couples, so it's already different than most of what I've done--- but they just make every shot INTERESTING--- every wedding looks like the best party ever and every couple looks so ALIVE. Clearly it's something they're doing. I got to witness them first hand and pick their brains... which was JUST as amazing as I'd hoped.

But I've never felt quite so overwhelmed by photography either. These two are young-- like my age, but they started right out of high school and went through their cheesy phase in the beginning, for like a second, and are now doing anything BUT following the latest trend out there. They take pride in finding new ideas everywhere they go and really stretching their creativity. They were super photo-snobs--- in a good way. Like I knew they would be. Irritated by all of the "momtographers out there imitating each other through blogs etc.... pretty much me. Luckily I'd gotten that vibe from experienced photographers before (like Nicole Gerulat via a friend's blog ... remember that Denae? I was so heart-broken at first!) and felt ready for it so it didn't hurt my feelings this time... well not as bad... :) But I was grateful for the motivation to challenge myself creatively, but I still couldn't help but feel a little bit like throwing my camera bag in the ditch and running far far away. "I stink! Forget it! I'll never be able to wear dark-rimmed glasses and tiny skinny jeans and have everything I do scream RAD."

But I didn't. I decided I'd give myself a couple of days to let it all soak in and wallow in my self-pity for being such a tiny, insignificant fish in that big pond at Mandalay Bay---- and then.... and THEN I'd start putting it to work. Wish me luck.

So I know you already saw them...

... but I wanted a cuter photo for my records. And I thought I'd write down the sugar cookie recipe. I don't love the traditional cakey sugar cookie with frosting on top. But a crispy yet chewy, rich, buttery sugar cookie? yum. I got it in my head that that's what I wanted to use for the favor, (since I had this cute light pink sugar to roll them in that TOTALLY didn't show up anyway), did some searches, went with this recipe and LOVED it. If I record it here, I'll never lose it. And there's got to be someone out there who needs more butter in their life.

Chewy, Cracked-Top Sugar cookies

• 2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 cup butter, softened
• 1 1/2 cups white sugar
• 1 egg
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract (I added a little more.... I've yet to have too much vanilla in a cookie.)

Bake at 375 for 8-10 minutes... unless you're doing huge ones like me, then maybe 13 or 14.

The end.

M is for Magnolia

So this is all I got--- there really were other people there besides me and Brooke... but I only took the time to snap a few of the food... ok mostly the food labels... and made sure someone got one of us.

The favor-- did you see it on Martha? I wish I'd taken a picture of them during the day with some pretty light...maybe tomorrow with the left overs. Make a big cookie, stick in a paper CD sleeve, and seal it with a homemade label. Martha has some templates here. But she didn't have one I liked for a baby shower so I made one with her dimensions in photoshop. 1.5 in x 5 in, then printed it on adhesive paper. Just in case you're into that sort of thing.

I don't have photoshop on this beautiful new imac yet, but couldn't bear to resort to the lap top... so blogging with photos is tough right now... I tried out iphoto... great for what it is. Not photoshop though... and these had some SERIOUS white balance issues--- tricky business.

Just because I needed one more thing pulling me in to my computer every day...

Threw Brooke's shower tonight. Girls are so fun. We missed you Lizzie... and a few others. Girls and food and SUPER cute little girl clothes (when you're as cute as Brooke, everyone works extra hard to get you something extra cute--- note to self, be super cute before next babe)--so fun.

I got a mac. YUP--- did you hear that... I forgot my exclamation marks because it's past midnight and Ross is asleep on the couch and I feel like I should be whispering, even with my fingers... but WE GOT A MAC!!!!!!!! We'd planned on it before the holidays through some great deal-- but that deal fell through, and we were too far sold. So we kept talking about it and as it turns out, Ross has been working on it for a while and TRIED to surprise me for Valentine's Day but it wasn't ready in time, and then when it was ready-- it got lost. Ross is figuring some UPS guy stole it since he knew a friend of a friend (who's obviously a loser because)-- he stole like 3 Wiis at Christmas time when they were put on the wrong UPS truck etc... anyway--- he was so bummed because by the time it got here, he'd sort of (with the help of a friend) accidentally let me on to the surprise... and it was a surprise no more. But last night when I got back from errands and opened up the computer armoire to this big, beautiful, BIG, and BEAUTIFUL screen!!! I almost passed out from all of the blood that rushed to my head.

I'm in love.

But I'm a little freaked out because all of my photos-- and everyone else's--- look TOTALLY different than before, brighter and prettier, but maybe too orangey? and now I'm wondering what's real--- what's up, what's down... I'm so confused.

Did it work?

My first attempt at tilt-shift. Apparently it's all the rage. Definitely going to need a shot cooler than my BEFORE of my living room... look at these rad shots on etsy.

Now that I've been staring at this photo for so long I can't tell if the effect worked. It's sort of supposed to look like a miniature model. Are you feeling it? Or does it just look like an over- saturated picture of my living room, blurred. Be honest.

After my talk yesterday, where I made the most obnoxious pokes at myself in a desperate PLEA for chuckles.... I think I see where she gets it.

This girl wants to be funny.

I'd heard some variation of this "joke" (I use the word loosely) for several days, maybe weeks... before I realized that maybe I wasn't doing her (or her poor teachers) any favors by laughing.

"Why did the hot dog cross the road?"

why?

"Because there were a lot of hot dogs playing and having fun at the park!"

hmmm... I don't get it Sophia... let's teach you one that makes sense.

And so I did. After lots of attempts at ones that she insisted were NOT funny and did NOT make any sense... we settled on one we both liked.

The first few times she told it, it went something like this.

"Why did the chicken cross the road?.....Because he got poked by a cactus"?

try again.

"Why did the chicken cross the road?.... Because there were a lot of cactuses playing and having fun at the park!"

But the other day... my eyes welled up and my heart filled with pride when she asked me if I wanted to hear a funny joke and she delivered it JUST right.

"Why did the cactus cross the road?... Because he was stuck to the chicken's back!"

It might lose it's humor at the rate she's telling it... but still, so proud.