Friday, March 20, 2009

Can we say "Ahhhh- dolt?"

Last week we took our kids to Disneyland. Better yet, we have season passes.

Yesterday and today I made homemade wheat bread.

Tomorrow I have my next "session" for my new "business" hah! That still sounds so crazy but I'm going with it.

This weekend, we've got our pretty regular sitter coming. "Do 'the usual', Madi", I say with a nonchalant flick of my hair as we head out... ;)

Last week, Ross' brand new car got hit but life just keeps going on.

We never get to bed before midnight these days and Sophia climbs in our bed anytime between 2 and 5 to sleep the remainder of the night. I never notice 'till it's too late to move her since she might wake up and she tucks herself RIGHT behind me so once I'm on my side, I can't roll back. It means I wake up every few minutes wanting to reposition but can't. great sleep.

Somehow every night this week was filled between work, our church callings, and 'whatever', and we never got our couch time before 9:30. I miss my husband.

My husband-- who is 31.

And works as a broker for Morgan Stanley in a time where new shows like "The Mentalist" show brokers being killed with the obvious suspects being clients. Yikes.

I have a daughter who can tell me "don't TALK to me mom" or "I don't LIKE you" but who can also tell me "mom, you're the best" "I'm a princess and you're a queen" "mommy... I sure love you"... and who I kiss goodbye three mornings a week for preschool and who skips off and turns around and blows me kisses and grins with the deepest dimples you've ever seen.

My BABY can say "mermaid" and "Wuv you" and "pee you" (for stinky poop, how do you spell that?)

I drive a Pacifica. Some people like to call it a van. I think vans are cool, but it's not a van. It's not really an SUV either, but it's a mom car. That's all I know. which leads me to my big point:

WE ARE SO TOTALLY GROWN-UPS WHETHER WE WERE READY OR NOT.

Holy moly, when did it happen, and who let us in the club? Shouldn't there be a test we have to take or an interview or some letters of recommendation required or at least some kind of barrier to entry? Shouldn't we at least KNOW we were getting the job. Or applying for it? Is this how our parents felt? It puts such a different perspective on those childhood years you can remember where you thought your parents knew everything.

I still long for lazy mornings and mindless reality shows. I still nod my head when people talk about American history that I should totally know, but don't. My husband still wears a backwards hat and skate shoes on the weekends and wouldn't mind playing a video game now and then. I still throw fits (essentially) and argue backwards and forwards in a fight with Ross until I win. (Well that's sort of changing... he's learned my tricks and can do a mean 'I'm bigger than that so I'll say sorry' which doesn't really make you feel like a winner. But when you're immature, you can pretend it does.) I still get intimidated by girls with super cute clothes. And intimidated by moms of lots of kids who make it look easy. I still get giddy over treats and nervous to speak in public. I still don't know my scriptures like I should.... Or my politics... or so many other things.....

And I'm SCARED to death that my kids are going to have all the holes that I do because how am I going to teach them things that I DON'T KNOW? And if I haven't found time to learn them yet, what makes me think I'm going to find time as my family grows and life just gets busier?!

This isn't meant to be a negative post-- but it's time to pick up Sophia and I'm not really sure were I'm going with it. Let's just hope 'the blind leading the blind' is not my life's title--- hopefully Heavenly Father accounted for this when giving me my two little girls and somehow knows I can still figure out how to teach them everything they need to know to be happy, smart, capable adults with firm testimonies of the gospel and relationships with the Lord. Afterall, that's all that really matters right? I mean let's face it, I've gotten by alright with my interest in politics lasting about as long as Romney's campaign. (I'm not that bad, but close... please no hate comments, I know there's a lot of strong feelings these days. :) ) Wish me luck.

13 comments:

Christin said...

Can't wait to see the Disneyland pics. By the way we'd LOVE to see you when we head to SD in July. Let us know how we can arrange that. I totally want you to take Luke's pictures. By then hopefully his hair will be grown out.

Christin

Ashley said...

I feel the same way. (Only I don't have a way with words like you do!) Since when am I am grown up??? I don't feel like one. Oh, if you figure out a better way of resizing pics other than photoshop let us all know! I waste so much time doing that too.

Karley said...

Remember you and me talking about the "feet" picture? Well, go to this link and scroll down a little. This isn't the girl who took the one I like and it isn't exactly how I liked it (the one I liked was closer up), but I think you get the drift. Let me know!
http://www.expressivephotography.blogspot.com/

Lindsay Griffeth said...

You have a way to write down in a fun and clever way everything that goes through my head ALOT! I'm totally with ya. You're girls are LUCKY to have you as a mama.

moliver said...

Oh I hear Ya! I still don't think I'm an adult but every once in a while I can't ignore the little wrinkles that are creaping into my skin or the occasional gray hair that pops up. Oh, and for me, I think the proof that I joined the adult club came with a marriage certificate and my babies birth cirtificates. That's when I knew I had officially joined the club. Some people may measure adulthood differently, but that's the defining moments that turned me into an adult.

Danielle said...

This is Danielle..Lizzie's sister, you know- I drop a comment now and then:) Anyway, after reading this post, and many others of yours...I'm just sure you should write a book. You are a GREAT writer- and you thinking that was a negative post? Somehow I was confused because I found it uplifting- I guess it seemed to me you were describing how grateful you were for your life, instead of complaining? Does that make sense? Anyway- not to get too philosophical...I just think you are a great writer and thought you should know:)

Brandon or Michelle said...

loved this post. I've been feeling this a LOT lately, as we live on campus and I find myself surrounded by thin, tan, single people, and I'm chasing my children and chub through all of them. lots of gawks, let me tell you. yep, I'm definitely at a different place in life than them.

as for adult knowledge, brandon is my secret ticket to that. he is much more in the know, and imparts his knowledge to me in the form of casual conversation throughout the day. ross, this means it's all up to you! :)

lillie, EVERY time I go out somewhere, I wonder if I'm going to get to get a treat. can we be friends? :)

Jennifer said...

I get all excited when I see your long wordy posts!!! I love your writing. I totally get you on this post... although that's scary because I'm a wee bit older than you are and I still don't know if I feel like a grown -up. I think you have things together WAY more than most. There's always more to learn and sometimes it's fun to look back and see how far you've come.

Attic Gal Rachelle said...

You are so right about this. I still have moments when I am hanging out in my bedroom with my laptop, and I hear a commotion in the other room, and I try to ignore it and suddenly I remember I'm the mom, and I have to actually get up and take care of the problem. Hey, wait a minute. Who put ME in charge?
If you think it's bad now, just wait 'til those darling girls are suddenly teenagers (and it will happen suddenly) and you don't feel any more prepared to handle teenagers than you feel right now. It is the same feeling you had when they handed you your first baby at the hospital and told you to go home. "Seriously, you really trust me to take this baby home and take care of it?" Maybe they trust you, maybe not, but its your kid, do you best. That is so life, and the feeling doesn't change as they get older.
Just wait 'til the next life when you get your own world. "Seriously, Lord, you really trust me to take care of that?"

Good luck!

The rlmmmmcaress family said...

For me, baby #1 was ... cool we have a baby. But with baby #2 it was like ... dude, we are a family. It was a completely different feeling and set of responsibilities. All of the sudden things like FHE were no longer skipped because we were a "family." Everything changed. A good change, but I actually felt different about my identity. Before I was a mom, after two I became a mother. I don't know if that makes sense, but I think you did a great job expressing it in your post. As always.

missy said...

""Do 'the usual', Madi", I say with a nonchalant flick of my hair as we head out... ;)"

You are so great Lillie. I guess I don't quite feel so adult since I don't have a regular babysitter. Maybe I will then.

But, really I think it was on my last birthday that I thought "I feel the same as I did when I was 17" and that's when I realized "Don't only old people say that?"

Jeanette said...

Lillie, I looked and remembered I saw it on Jane's website, Nei Nei's sister. Here is her site address...http://blog.cjanerun.com/
BUT when I went there the saying has changed...I think...it is by an author this time...kind of the same jist. You could ask her if she has ever used yours? Sorry I don't know for sure.

Jeanette said...

It's definitely a different picture, and I'm pretty sure the saying isn't the same, it's been almost 7 months ago.