Balboa Park to the zoo...

Another day... another San Diego Park. Off to the zoo with my sister, Mel, her son Heath (who Sophia is OBSESSED with), and her new bundle of luscious rolls we call baby Ivy.


I love this one. The way the light shines on her...Oh boy do I love my babies chubby. Probably because my babies ARE chubby. I felt like Ivy belonged to me, not my dainty little 5' 7" runt of the family, sister. :) An annual pass for two adults, and one child 3-17 for the zoo AND the wild animal park was only $125 at Costco. Do you live there? Do it.

Maybe my sweetest sunday yet.

Some days I think I'm going to ruin these kids. There's like a million things I can do wrong... I can't possibly get it right. And with all the screwed up people in the world, and all the possible ways to screw up, it's just a miracle any of us ever have our heads on straight. And all I want to do is carry my girls through this whole life and make sure they make the right decisions every step of the way. Hah.

All I can do is teach them. And at 3 1/2 and 18 months... they look at me like I know it all... but what I really know is ALL the areas BEGGING for improvement in my life. And when I let myself thing too hard about it, it makes my heart race so hard I can hear it.

But then I have days like yesterday where we find out the primary's singing "I'm so glad when Daddy Comes Home" in Sacrament Meeting, and I'm unsure if Sophia will want to go or not. But as fast as I can ask her if she does, she's out of our pew and racing up the stairs, plowing her way through the kids to get RIGHT up to the microphone so she can pull it to her mouth like she's singing a solo. Luckily one of my little achievement-day girls gently moved her down from the mic, but she still managed to get herself a front-row spot so she could blow those kisses to Ross far more often than the song prompted. I could hear Ross' I'm-crying-like-a-baby-so-I'll-laugh-it-out-casually laugh under his breath throughout the whole song. He was dying. Or rather, maybe came to life just a little more right then.

And this preceded her first-ever talk in primary, where she walked up there like she owned the place and repeated the words I whispered in her ear with a big smile like an old pro. Ok, she missed a few, and pronounced some with thick Sophi-bonics. But all in all, relayed the most precious three-year old message about how prayer strengthens our family.

This time Ross and I were both blinking back the tears, and when I stole a glance at him through my blurry eyes after Sophia plopped back down proudly in her seat, I thought maybe....

JUST maybe....

They'll pull through in spite of me.

San Diego: Part 1

I don't know if it's because there's no enclosure, or because the weather's so much nicer, or because there are more beautiful plants and birds around to look at, or just because everything at Nana and Papa's is more fun than at home... but they have SO much fun on this trampoline when we go back home.

Don't know if you can actually tell in any of the photos I'm posting, but I can officially give Mila two little pig tails in back now. I'm in love.And this big crazy sun-flare on Sophia... I'm a little in love with that too. Again with the love... my two nephews, Cannon and Dane... enough to make me want to use the Shettles Method to go for a boy next time. ;)

Sophia loves her cousins, she talks about them all the time.

And yup... they've got one MORE boy on the way. Just 14 or 15 months after Dane. (Right Tere?) And she's one of those that makes it all look like cake. I don't get it. I used to think I was sooo "laid back". Hah. Maybe that's back when I thought I was a camper too. It's not so easy peasy for me.

Boy do they love their papa. He's just like Ross where he'll offer to watch the girls and not just watch them, but take them on walks, and to play with the neighbor's dogs, and to the pet-store to get a turtle (until he finds out said turtle cost like 50 bucks instead of cents), and to McDonalds for icecream.... above and beyond. So what if he feeds them ketchup and licorice all day long? My mom and I got pedicures, went to dinner, went for a run withOUT the jogger (wow what a difference)... it was so worth it.

This is Sophia's favorite thing to do with Nana. Watch cartoons in her bed in the morning. (One of my favorites too since it buys me more sleepy-time.) When Nana came home from work at like 7pm, it was still Sophia's first request.

Oh this mama of mine. I dream of the day she can retire and just play with us all day when we come out there. So does she. It's amazing to me how my girls seem to just KNOW that she is my mama and therefore practically theirs. When we left them for Newport, it was the first time I'd seen Mila totally unaware of whether I was staying or going. She had nana. Nana is all the sweet smell, soft skin, and gentle voice you could ever need. Believe me, I know. She probably didn't even know I was gone.

This trip started because Ross was working in Rancho Santa Fe Tue and Wed... and ended in Orange County where I had a shoot. (I still feel like I should put that in quotes and add a wink... but what else am I going to call it right?) In between was the usual play at my mom's, a morning with my sis-in-law, Teresita and her boys, Balboa Park, and a trip to the zoo with my sister, Mel. I haven't gotten to those pictures yet... hence.... the title.

Proof that we did it.

Would I do it again? Yes. Tomorrow? No. Or next week?... or any time in the terribly near future?..... maybe not. Do I regret it though? no.

Have I ever liked it when people ask questions just to answer them in lu (sp) of just making statements? no. it's actually sort of a pet-peeve of mine, but here I go, asking and answering away. Having my own little conversation with myself. Showing you that even when you think you don't like something... you might... surprise yourself.

Unfortunately I was actually really expecting to LIKE camping, so no pleasant surprises. Just a little aching for real sleep. But I'm certainly not giving up on it yet. Everything before bed-time was just as I'd hoped and remembered (barring the fist-sized beetles that were bouncing off of our cheeks and forearms ("hikl;aioehioahgohika!"--- that's the sound I think may have come out of my throat during the spiritual thought when one wedged itself nicely on the blanket 2 inches from my face.) The morning was great too, waking up to the smell of the outdoors mixed with campfire. Letting the girls run around with their friends, all of us dirty and bundled and sleepy -eyed. I love that part. I don't even really mind being dirty for a while. And I love seeing friends sleepy-eyed. I'd have slumber parties all the time if it were appropriate as adults. :)

The part where it got sketchy was of course--- the night. The part where you're supposed to be unconscious. As it turns out, when you're NOT unconscious, that part isn't any fun. I really shouldn't complain. It could have been so much worse. I could have been like 8 months pregnant and sleeping with no air-mattress like Shea (I didn't know, people. Otherwise we would have offered one of ours!). Or I could have been like 6 months pregnant and gotten sprayed with filthy left-over toilet-water upon flushing like Robyn. I'm counting my blessings. :)

We had this killer tent we borrowed from Kodi and Ryan, Mila's playpen, an air-mattress for us and a little princess one for Sophia... it all seemed incredibly promising. But it was freezing cold and Mila just didn't sleep great and for fear of waking her and starting a screaming fit (like we had before) Ross and I were afraid to move a muscle. I'm the type that drinks water and pees all night and I DON'T sleep in layers so that was all just a challenge of it's own for me. I guess I can't sleep 'just anywhere' like I used to, I feel like I was half in-and-out from midnight 'till 5 when Mila woke up and we were all just happy to see that the sun was up and warmth was on it's way.

Having said all that--- we will do it again. Just maybe when Mila's a teensie bit older and not such a put-her-in-her-crib-and-shut-the-door kind of sleeper. But we'll do it again. Who knows... maybe some day, more than one night.

(oh and I've got new photos of baby Noah on my photo-blog.... what?.... how else am I going to get anyone to check that blog if I don't direct you there each time? :)

San Diego Photo-Shoots Available

Ross and his "team" at work have started working in a San Diego branch of Morgan Stanley occasionally-- so we're going to my mom's tonight for a few days while he works in Rancho Santa Fe. Ahhhhh.... I can almost smell the coastal air...... it makes it feel like a move there (eventually) is practically within reeeeeaaaaachh...

almost.


So anyway, if anyone is interested in a San Diego photo-shoot this week (family, child, etc)... I have availabilities Tue, Wed, Thur, and Friday nights. That's June 16,17,18, and 19th. The sun is setting so late these days, an outdoor shoot would start around 6:45 or 7:00.


Details and rates can be found in the "about" section of my website. (There would NOT be any travel fee involved this week of course.)


Leave a comment here or email me at lillie_biesinger@yahoo.com if you're interested!

Making me happy:

Good vine-ripened tomatoes. Half off at Fresh and Easy... they were just sittin' there looking all picturesque... I couldn't resist.

And the fact that we're going CAMPING tonight with a bunch of families from our church. It'll be the first time our family has gone camping together- EVER. I used to claim that I was truly an outdoors-girl, loved sleeping under the stars (or with a thin layer of rayon- or whatever tents are made of--- in between)---until Ross called me out once on the fact that in six years of marriage and a couple of years knowing me before that, he's never seen or heard of me going camping. And that quite frankly, he's not into it himself. So maybe I should just get over it in general. Eh? I decided he was right. I couldn't even sleep on a couch anymore.

Who was I kidding? Just because I don't mind skipping the shower for a couple of days, doesn't make me a camper. Double pillow-top and some good neck support please.

But I think this just might change us. I'm really excited about it. I think the girls are at good ages where it just might be really, really fun! And it's only one night and really, it's a park. So I know we shouldn't really need it, but wish us luck!

I can't wait to get around to the rest of these--- but in the mean time...

She really wanted one right away for his birthday invitation... so I did a handful right away that would work-- so these are all kind of similar, him and his great big eyes.... I guess I couldn't get enough.

Sometimes I'm blonder than my roots let on...

I was just listening to my voicemail on my cell phone while drinking a glass of ice water. I took it away from my ear to hit erase, then put it back to my ear... only oops... wrong hand. Sort of a rub-your-tummy, pat-your-head moment.


Uh huh. I just tried to listen to my ice water resulting in a cold, cold, wet, cold surprise. I couldn't believe there was nobody here to laugh at me, so I felt it was my duty to blog it.

Family Night At The Park (and a little blurp about the new camera)

Just Soaking in every ounce of this weather before we wake up to triple digits again. Notice I had to put a cardigan on Mila because it was THAT breezy. Ok--- it was sort of like a crazy wind-tunnel, but if that means cool temps, we'll take it.

And then we ran into some friends with one of the cutest little two-year-olds I've ever seen... so obviously I couldn't help myself. I mean look at that face. This was a bit after sunset, it was nearly dark out. I think I had the ISO on my new camera cranked to like 6000. Do you see any grain? I don't. Oh did I mention I got the new Canon 5D Mark 2? You photo-friends will appreciate that. But I've been afraid to mention it since I DO NOT feel comfortable with it yet and DO NOT feel like all my pictures are turning out magical or anything. I'd gotten used to shooting in aperture mode on my Nikon D40, and that just doesn't seem to be working on this one. The prime lens I got for it is the 85mm f/1.8, so maybe it's because I'm used to having those extra stops (plural? not sure) on my 30mm. But this one I feel like I have to shoot in manual. And I feel like I'm CONSTANTLY adjusting my settings for a little more light, little less light, little more, little less... and then should I use my shutter speed, my aperture, or my ISO to get it???? Nothing a little practice can't fix right? I'm still absolutely thrilled about this camera. It can do amazing things... but I've got some catching up to do to deserve it.

Can you imagine how nuts Mila went when she couldn't hold this dog quite like her friend? I think we just might have to get one some day.

Nana and Grandpa B.

Nana and Grandpa rolled in for the day yesterday. Just long enough to eat burgers and chocolate chip cookies, watch a Laker game, have a camp out with Sophia, roasting marshmallows (carrots, for lack of the real thing)...
Play in our backyard, enjoying the BEAUTIFUL weather we've been having. 70's in June??! It's unreal. Breezy, a few clouds, warm sun, cool air... if only this would last.

I wish I'd gotten pictures of the girls with my parents the last time I was home, and with my Dad and Marybeth the last time we got together out here... we've had lots of fun family times. My girls really know and love their grandparents... I always think they might sort of forget in between but they certainly don't. There's just something about family, you know? Like they can feel that they're connected and REALLY loved by 'em.

I was telling my mother-in-law while she was here, I just feel more in need of family than ever. With little ones, it just gets more and more fulfilling to me to spend time together... I was never one of those wives that took off back home with the kids for a week here and there. I don't think I'm overly dependant on Ross, but I sure like his company a lot and wasn't dying to head out. But now I get it. New personalities around to entertain the kids, ones who love and appreciate their time with them, and make them feel just as amazing and fabulous as us mommies know they are. And it helps that they make us feel a little bit like kids again while they take over some of the responsibilities. oooh... this is all sounding so good right now while I look around at my filthy Monday house. I'm thinking I might be making LOTS of trip to San Diego this summer.

Highchair- $75 OBO

oh and one more thing--- a Peg Perego tan leather highchair? $75 or best offer. I got this photo online. It's not the exact same one. Mine is like five years old and used by two kids but really similar.

Is this tacky that I'm doing this on my blog. I'm just trying every avenue I can... I need a professional organizer in this house!!!!

Couch (and Crib) 4 Sale TODAY- $200 OBO (for couch)

Excuse the faces in the photo-- and it's quality (it's scanned in). We had this couch in our old house and wrapped it safely in plastic wrap when we moved and got our sectional. I wish I'd taken a great picture of it before but this is a print I wrangled up somewhere, that at least sort of shows it.

Anyway-- we're attempting some de-junking today and we've been meaning to sell this couch forever. I'll put it on Craigslist a little later if nobody on here is interested but I thought I'd start here for any of you local friends who might check in.

It's in great condition. It's a slip-cover style, with lots of pillows that come with. What I loved loved loved about it, is that any little spill could be scrubbed out without leaving a single mark behind. I'm sure there's more I should tell you about it, but I'm not sure what--- and we've got things to do! and piles and piles of stuff in closets to sort through! So please let me know if you have any questions.

Also we're selling the Davinci Anastasia crib we had for Sophia. It's cherry. Here's a picture I found online. It's obviously used, and she got some teeth marks on the railing before we got the plastic covers on. I don't think we have any directions for setting it up or anything... That one we're selling for $150 OBO.

We've also got a little (I'll admit it, "cheap") armour we'd like to give away... it's sort of cherry. We used to keep a tv in it in our bedroom. No pic. handy... but if you come by and want it, take it... otherwise it's going to DI.

We're REALLY hoping to get rid of some stuff today (maybe that's crazy)... so let us know right away if you're interested: 636-0634 if you want to call us, or just comment here. THANKS!

A letter to Mila- 18 Months

Dear Mila,

Are you really 18 months already? Then why can I still feel the precise sensation of your warm, little, newborn lips on mine for the first time in that cold, sterile operating room? Perhaps it's because it was so cold... your new warm body left such a strong impression? Or because half of my body was without feeling... the feeling in the other half was heightened? It must have been something, because the calendar says you turned a year and a half last month... and I could swear that moment was yesterday. If it wasn't for your raging appetite, your mouth full of perfectly-placed and misplaced teeth, and rapidly growing vocabulary... I might not believe it.

I'm sure the fact that you came second plays a role in you're being SO GROWN UP! Every day I get waves of joy and panic as I realize that you've stepped out of but another phase and moved on to bigger and better things. You love all things GIRL. You love wearing Sophia's dresses that hang to the floor, you are OBSESSED with shoes and always want some on. I try to make sure you have some of your own on, or you will insist on wearing whatever you find which might be mine, or Daddy's, or Sophia's, or old newborn ones that are way too small. You are not deterred by the size discrepancy but rather, just come back to me relentlessly begging (and screaming) for me to fix the shoe faster than I possibly can. And while I put one on, you point at the other shoe screaming "I want shoe I want shoe!!!" ... shoes go on one at a time. But you probably know that by now if you're reading this.

You are already SO in to princesses. You learned the Sleeping Beauty song from your big sister and now, you sing it on cue if we ask you to "sing a song" (I realized that when in church I'd say "we're going to sing a song" and you'd start "IIIII KNOW YOUUUUUU"- with your lips puckered out so far in front of you on the "you").... and then of course you start up pretty much every time you see any of the Disney Princesses. (Now you only sing those first three words... but sometimes you come in just in time for the second round in falsetto... THAT is especially cute.) Sophia wasn't interested in any of this stuff 'till she neared 3. She kind of made me think everyone else was lying and just forcing their disney-love on their children. But now I know that some are naturally, more taken by the princess-magic. "I know you'" was one of your first phrases, "tincess" (princess) is one of your regular words now... you joined your sister early, as a true fan.

Another thing I thought was fabricated by movie-babies... was stuffed-animal addiction. Because your older sister didn't care for them when she was little. But Mila. Oh Mila. Do you love your dog. Daddy and I just picked up a second on our last Ikea trip to serve as back-up when "doggy" got lost, or thrown up on, or pooped on... (the latter two surprisingly more of a problem than the first). Both were floating around the house for a day or so without you realizing there were two. You'd play with each as if it were the one you new and loved. You should have seen your face when you discovered he'd doubled. Amazement. Wonder. Pure joy.

You are a snuggler, you need your blankets (another regular word), and if we've forgotten one on a long drive and you're screaming when you should be sleeping, we've learned to not hesitate before we remove whatever softest piece of clothing we're wearing and drape you. (We've been a pretty interesting sight if someone were to see us. It's true.) You pull it to your face and go to sleep. Such a simple need for comfort.

You turned over to one nap last month and now I can't believe you ever took two! It seems like you could go all day. I mean you fight a ton with your sister, pull all sorts of hair, bite on occasion, and throw a fierce tantrum, but you definitely know how fun it is to stay up now. And certainly say "NO" when I ask if you're tired... you used to say yes. Have you already learned the purpose of a lie? That big sister of yours. You're too smart for your own good these days. No.... just too smart for my good.

Daddy bought apple juice at Costco the other day. Remind me not to let him go in there alone, he always comes out with all sorts of packaged goodies. To his credit, he looks at the ingredients and tells me right away "I looked babe, no poison." But now you know, that we have chocolate bunnies, and cheese crackers, and grahams, and juice-- and their all from Costco which means we have like a year-supply, and why on earth would you want to drink water when you can have juice? And I can't play dumb when you cry like I used to because you talk so much and you seem to make it a priority to learn the words to all the good stuff. A wah joo (I want juice), a wah cuh-cakes, a wah tooties, a wah cancakes, a wah teat (treat). A wah MORE! I swear Sophia didn't know what any of those things were at this age. I think you got pretty lucky to be sent second. :)

(Don't get me wrong... we're not above snacky foods... but I like to be more discreet... HUGE boxes in our pantry are not discreet.)

For the record (my record) here's a list of some more of the words or phrases you've impressed me with:

outside, kitty cat, I-love-you, I-hungry, cheese, toast, pasta (papa), spoon, water, milk, I want down, hold-it, doggy, daddy, mommy, (you say "Hi mommy!" with the sweetest tone every morning when daddy brings you in our bedroom), please, thanks, nose, hair, ears, eyes, STOP (she yells it at Sophia when she's doing something she doesn't like), I want a show (I know... it's awful), bed, blanket, amen, I poohed (and accurately), ....and so much more I'm sure. Your sister held out on me a bit longer, so this much communication at 18 months is AMAZING to me. I think it's what we needed to keep the frustration in our house bearable. Thanks.

Your favorite foods right now: pesto pasta, peas, turkey, avocado, cheese, eggs, chicken nuggets, corn dogs, blueberries, applesauce, yogurt, and all the junk food in the world. But isn't that the case for all of us. I just hope hope hope I can teach you to enjoy the wonderful foods that will keep your body healthy enough to survive that love-of-treats I'm clearly passing on. Please forgive me the tummy. We call it hereditary. I think it helps us with modesty in those challenging teenage years.

-You love me. You tell me so, and you show me all day long when you're nice and stroke my hair, or play with my necklace (ooh another word of yours), or nuzzle into my shoulder... or when you're awful and volatile and grouchy ... all those wonderful traits we only show to those we love most. Lucky for you, I know that rule.

-You love your sister. You go willingly in the gym childcare if she'll take your hand or save you a seat for the puppet show. She makes your laugh HARDY.

-You love your daddy. You run to him with open arms and fast little, chubby legs yelling "daddy! daddy!" every night when you hear the alarm beep letting us know he's opened the garage door. Sometimes I think you wait for that sound all day.

I love your deep voice, and your pucker, and your morning breath, and how your front two teeth don't line up. (I wonder if your grown-up teeth will mimic your baby teeth. Secretly, I sure hope so. That will give me a little longer to enjoy them before you get braces like the rest of the world because as an adult you'll want perfect teeth since it's the one perfect trait you CAN buy,.... but until then, I'll cherish that perfect asymmetry.

It's just amazing how you came into this world so tiny and new, and now that I know you, I can remember you being you from your first moments. I can't wait to see what you become and then look back and realize you'd always been those things. You are spectacular.

Bachelorette anyone?

Seriously Jillian? You can't tell by his eye twitch, clenched jaw, and raw fists that he's totally a future wife beater? I mean Juan's annoying, and probably not into girls, but that's about it right?

What a scary dude.