Monday, June 22, 2009

Maybe my sweetest sunday yet.

Some days I think I'm going to ruin these kids. There's like a million things I can do wrong... I can't possibly get it right. And with all the screwed up people in the world, and all the possible ways to screw up, it's just a miracle any of us ever have our heads on straight. And all I want to do is carry my girls through this whole life and make sure they make the right decisions every step of the way. Hah.

All I can do is teach them. And at 3 1/2 and 18 months... they look at me like I know it all... but what I really know is ALL the areas BEGGING for improvement in my life. And when I let myself thing too hard about it, it makes my heart race so hard I can hear it.

But then I have days like yesterday where we find out the primary's singing "I'm so glad when Daddy Comes Home" in Sacrament Meeting, and I'm unsure if Sophia will want to go or not. But as fast as I can ask her if she does, she's out of our pew and racing up the stairs, plowing her way through the kids to get RIGHT up to the microphone so she can pull it to her mouth like she's singing a solo. Luckily one of my little achievement-day girls gently moved her down from the mic, but she still managed to get herself a front-row spot so she could blow those kisses to Ross far more often than the song prompted. I could hear Ross' I'm-crying-like-a-baby-so-I'll-laugh-it-out-casually laugh under his breath throughout the whole song. He was dying. Or rather, maybe came to life just a little more right then.

And this preceded her first-ever talk in primary, where she walked up there like she owned the place and repeated the words I whispered in her ear with a big smile like an old pro. Ok, she missed a few, and pronounced some with thick Sophi-bonics. But all in all, relayed the most precious three-year old message about how prayer strengthens our family.

This time Ross and I were both blinking back the tears, and when I stole a glance at him through my blurry eyes after Sophia plopped back down proudly in her seat, I thought maybe....

JUST maybe....

They'll pull through in spite of me.

7 comments:

missy said...

You are SO not alone in this. And I know those tears that well up in the corners of your eyes...I know them well too.

You wrote it perfectly Lillie.

The rlmmmmcaress family said...

The first time and the last time are the tear-jerkers for me. I wish I could have seen that. I would much rather be in the same ward rather than just read about it. However, I am glad for the read. It brightens my day.

moliver said...

Those moments are totally priceless, I agree whole-heartedly.

Christin said...

Amen to that sista. You need to write for Parents magazine. I'm sure I'm doing serious damage on a daily basis. All you can do is love them unconditionally and hope they make it in this crazy world.

McK N Luke said...

What a gift for Ross for Father's Day. Your girls are perfect and have the best parents for them.

Lauren said...

I love love love this post. Our ward sang that, too. It was even emotional for me since I'm the Primary President. I get to hear their sweet voices every Sunday. I love it.

Katherine said...

Katherine Nobmann here- Sean's (Ross' old roommate) wife. You expressed that in a way most of us can only feel. Thank-you! Your blog is beautiful!