While Nana was here...

Nana informed us it was TIME to teach Sophia to ride a real bike without the training wheels. Whoops. Somehow it just hadn't occurred to us yet. Put it on the list.

She stayed a whole week. Got here on Friday when we got home from the hospital----stocked the fridge, made the dinners, got the girls ready every morning, sent them off to school, cleaned my house, kept up my laundry, took the girls on daily bike rides to the park, decorated sugar cookies, made Gingerbread houses because... we still had the kit and why not? and snuggled my darling baby boy in her spare moments. And made me feel like everything was warm and cozy and lovely and perfect, because --- well, she's my mom--- and everything's just right when she's around.

Guess what came today?

My bumper--- custom made by Brooke's darling mom and amazing seamstress. I didn't photograph it yet... but I'm still so excited, you should be too. I had to mention it.

He's not sleeping in his room yet, but I LOVE his room! And I rarely feel like that after a project. Sometimes I go in there just to sit when the house is a mess because the space is so peaceful and clean... pictures soon... for those of you that are in to that sort of thing. I feel like I say that a lot. Maybe because I know there are visitors like my grandpa who don't really care to see decorating ideas. :) So I feel like I need a disclaimer. Anyway---

I wimped out and hit the urgent care today, certain that this had to be a sinus infection or something since it seems like such an awful and LONG cold. But nope--- it's just an awful long cold. The Dr. told me it runs 3 weeks... and ends in the chest. It's moved to my chest and I'm past the two-week mark, so I'm just hoping I'm in the home stretch. Nostrils pretty clear. for those of you that are into that sort of thing. ?????

I'm just GRATEFUL that all of this awful coughing came now, after my c-section pain has pretty much healed... because that first day of coughing was terrifying... sure I was going to bust a stitch. yikes.

Finn's still got a gnarly DRAMATIC cough, but is still eating and sleeping just fine without difficulty breathing. But I feel more paranoid than ever! It just feels like the world is made up of germs-- and he's so precious and unvaccinated and little!--- even though he's big. It's scary having a baby in the winter.... with older kids that go collect diseases all day from all of the other older kids. I feel like I just want him to hurry up and get bigger so I don't have to worry.... and yet I want to freeze time and keep him this little forever.

I honestly don't think there is a better feeling in the world than holding my newborn baby right after a feeding and nuzzling my face into his warm neck and cheek. The way he doesn't pull away and smells like heaven still. As much as my stomach ties in a million knots at the thought of being pregnant again, the thought that one day I'll be holding my LAST baby (probably the next one)--- is worse. I'm already panicking... the way I do as Christmas approaches and I know that the sooner it comes, the sooner it's over and we have to wait a whole year. And I don't think all of the pictures or videos in the world will do this phase justice.

Yes--- still on the babymoon. SOOO sick of the cold-- don't love changing diapers after feeding at 4am, or changing both of our jammies and sleeping on towels after he's thrown up all over me-- but the moment after I get that business done and just get to snuggle him again-- it's so worth it.... a million times over- it's worth it.

Christmas 2010

christmas at nana's 2010 from Lillie Biesinger on Vimeo. Shot with my Canon 5d mark 2 and my 50mm 1.4.

Lazy Sunday

I knew that Sophia would be amazing with Finn, but I wasn't TOTALLY sure how Mila would react. I had high hopes but tried to prepare for the worst since she can be a bit.... unpredictable right now. She's blown me away. She wants to hold him more often and longer than Sophia even. Sometimes when he's ready to eat or MID-meal... but it's still cute. She adores him, talks to him all the time and tells him how she's going to teach him how to walk and how to read. I think being a big sister will bring out her very best.

Today was Stake Conference, which means no normal church meetings or phone calls or lessons to prepare, or responsibilities for Ross. (I wrote myself off either way. :)) It was amazing. We slept in, Ross made waffles, I got a shower AND washed my hair... we ate fudgesicles on the broken trampoline and read a bunch of stories. And Brooke is bringing me dinner (even though I had all day to cook technically) because I just had a baby and that's what we do in the church. I LOVE it.

Happy Sunday.

So sick of being sick, but still taking pictures of my new love

Dear Nasty, Lingering, Ever-evolving, horrible COLD,

You have long-past overstayed your welcome. You were never welcome, but you're really pushing it. I can't handle another day with no air flow through my sinuses. I feel like my head's been dunked in wet cement. And while I'm so grateful that he's still sleeping fine without too much difficulty, when Finn coughs, I hate you even more. Could this have passed to him? Even with all of those antibodies from nursing etc??

And did you know that my sister, Melisa came today and brought me Sprinkles Cupcakes... and I could not taste a THING? Not a thing. And I couldn't bare to eat one since I had to breath through my mouth with every nibble which made me feel like 400 pounds.

I'm sure I'll find a way to get one down. But I hate you all the same.

Lillie

I looked in the mirror and found his eyes OPEN! So I had to photograph it.

(Thank you Rachelle for this darling pod! I still have to get the sleepy shot)

When I've photographed other newborns, I'm DESPERATE for them to be sleepy and peaceful, and somehow I come around with my camera and ruin their patters and they are everything but. But with my own, I find myself so excited when I see his little eyes open and alert and almost saying something to me. Like you know he's smiling inside but his face hasn't figured it out yet.

I know we say babies just sleep and eat and poop. And my girls were the same, but I never get over it. He sleeps ALL day. I try as gently as possible to keep him awake for a little bit after his feedings. I'm a casual baby-wise follower. But at this stage, it's nearly impossible for most of his feedings. There's maybe one or two where he has some alert time for up to an hour or so afterwards. He only cries when he's hungry... which almost never happens since I usually have to wake him up at the four-hour mark to feed him. He wakes up once a night after his 10:30 feeding... at around 4:30 right now, eats and goes right back down 'till I wake him at 8:30 or 9. After suffering through the last few months of pregnancy-sleep, it feels like nothin'.

I remember that babies evolve and go through so MANY phases. But right now--- he is a perfect baby. He is a dreamy, sleepy, luscious, perfect baby.

Now if only I could kick this GNARLY cold and stop stressing about the little bit of congestion in Finn, I'd be really great. I'd be even better if my mom didn't leave this morning. :( Let's hope my tune doesn't change too dramatically without her help! Luckily, my sister Mel comes out tomorrow to see him, and Ross' parents come on Monday... so we'll be on our babymoon for a little while longer.

I think I just downloaded about 400 pictures of Finn. Uh oh. We'll start with one.

I'm determined to document Christmas before it gets lost and pushed aside by the chunkiest-cheeked, cutest baby boy you've ever seen

Lots of fun with cousins and family, rainy, wintery (southern California) weather, trips to Balboa Park, Point Loma Seafood, The Gap for 40 percent off resulting in two warm jackets just in time, The Hotel Del, and it's beach.... ikea.... all of the essentials.

It was a strange feeling awaiting Christmas this year... usually I get total post-Christmas blues. So sad that it's over for another whole year. But this time I had my little beefer, Finn, reminding me all day long how badly I wanted December 29th to come. So I had a constant internal struggle with whether I wanted Christmas to linger just a little longer up ahead, or hurry and get it done to move on and meet this baby boy. It's a good thing I had no control. I have a hard time making decisions when I'm pregnant. And always.

Besides my little distraction, Christmas was magical. It was the first year where our efforts to teach about giving and service rung home a bit with... Sophia at least. It didn't phase Mila, since she threw a fit over anything we picked out for someone else once she really realized that meant it WENT to someone else. But it still felt good to try.

I don't ever really remember believing in Santa growing up-- and maybe that's just the result of having four older siblings. But it's a little tricky to me trying to find the right balance between Santa excitement, and still really focusing on the birth of Christ and the holiday's true meaning. Luckily, Ross is a Santa expert, he knows how to bait the reindeer with carrots and everything. He also makes sure the kids squeeze in a viewing of Joy to The World on Christmas Eve, even when their mom just wants them in bed so she can wrap. Thank goodness for my spirited husband. He made it all magical.

There was still a bit of the unwrap, toss, grab for next present problem from last year--- but all in all (or is it "all AND all??"), they were so in to it this year, so excited about each of their gifts, and (Sophia was) so excited to give.

Every year I realize more and more how much Christmas evolves as our children grow and we get to relive every sweet stage. I love Christmas. I'm already dreaming of next year, with Finn at a year and myself not having to dodge the camera. Sheesh. Thank goodness he was a big boy- that's all I've got to say--- I need all of the excuses I can get. Did I mention I gained like 12 more pounds with him than my girls? And I think 5 of those were in my feet. Sick.

Apparently 3 pounds of baby= 12 pounds of mommy. Don't tell me otherwise please.

I hope everyone had a magical Christmas. Can you believe it's 2011? Doesn't that sound like the future in so many old movies? Where's my silver space suit?

Some more of the day in pictures..

Oh yeah and on the way in... when he was still all wrapped up inside.

It never gets old... that just two hours later he was in my arms--- so big and whole and healthy and PERFECT. Thanks for all of the congratulations. I'm feeling the baby bliss right now. Besides the aches and pains, now that I'm home from the hospital, I love this phase ... he's cuter and softer and sweeter than I even remembered a baby to be.