Pumpkin Patch starter...

Lots more pictures to come. But look at this boy. Look at that face, and those eyes, and that big round head. Nothing feels better than snuggling with that.

A new baby

I think the yawn is almost as important to capture as the first smiles. So perfectly baby. More of Van on the other blog.

I know I'm late to the obsession.... but ... umm... pinterest? I GET it now. Here's mine in case you want to be pinning buddies and share pretty pictures. It's like a visual feast... inspiration in whatever area you need! Too addicting.. and too likely to make me try lots of new cookie recipes. But maybe all of the inspirational images of insanely ripped and toned women will counteract the cookies and it will aaaaalllll work itself out...

If not, I'll just search for some silly quote on the dilemma that's sure to make me feel validated and all better.

No but really. And such a fun way to organize all the photos that were piling up in my hard-drive under home-decor inspiration that I could never trace back to the original source and then I was all-worried I'd have people mad if I posted them without the whole "via" thing.

Ahhh... and now it's all done for me with a simple little pin. Loving it.

About A Boy

You're getting big. You're getting busy.

You've learned to pull every book off of the shelf and brace yourself for the blow if it knocks you on the way down. You don't even cry. And these are my hardback. The ones just for show that we don't read. (We're like that.)

You try and climb the stairs and once so far, you've fallen back and bonked your head on the tile. I was scared. You forgot about it once you had your binky. Still, we're being more careful.(Yes, that was for anyone who's worried I'm negligent.)

I've found you playing with the plunger (eeeewwww) , and sifting through garbage, and trying to dip your hands in the toilet. I've found you eating hair-balls (I know I should clean my floors more often), toilet paper (clean), polly-pockets (and all other toys under the sun), rubber bands, and that nice gray fur that builds up on the bottom of the broom. (or is that just my gross broom because of my gross floors?)

Oh and dead crickets. I've found TWO dead crickets INSIDE your mouth on a routine mouth-sweep. Your mouth. (I know, I know.... floors... but these things are everwhere!)

I swear I'm a good mom. But this time around I've got two miniature people running around leaving bathroom doors open, and toilet lids up, and small toys on the floor. They tempt you with their sounds of joy and laughter so that you're dying to follow their lead and get upstairs, outside... wherever they are. And they.... keep me too busy to clean my floors. ?? (it was worth a try.)

Or maybe it's just what they say. You are ALL boy. Let's chalk it up to that.

Any guesses?

I plan on repainting most of my house. I'm ready for a fresh new palette and I think I've finally got Ross on board (and by on-board I mean he's decided to keep quiet when I talk about it and resist giving me a speech on my fickle ways.)

I want this wall color. I mean what would you call it? Just like an off white right? Any paint geniuses with an opinion? My research is making me think I might want Benjamin Moore's Ivory white, or white linen, or cloud white.... but I can tell this is going to be an ulcer-causing decision for me. It's been happening in my head for like a year now. I really want it to be DONE happening by the end of this one.

Here are a couple of other's I like...

This one is Linen White.... obviously you never really know from a monitor though...

This last one is more gray of course...

I'm a Mormon

And a Christian.

The other day, Ross and I listened to Jeffress say over and over again that we were members of a cult and could not be considered Christian. Yesterday I stumbled over to Sheena's blog, The Little Red House. And read the most beautiful post where she shared her testimony of Jesus Christ as a Latter Day Saint. I was immediately inspired to follow suit, and share my testimony on my blog. Any little attempt to clear things up for some, or even one.

But then I starting sifting through her comments and saw how even while she shared such a tender testimony of HER relationship with the savior, and explained her own beliefs, on her own blog, people still wandered over to tell her she was wrong. I was shocked. So then I decided I'd better keep my little blog quiet. I've experienced that blog debate before, and it's never fun.

BUUUUTTTT....... then I slept on it, read some more and thought maybe I actually learned something from all of her comments and felt better because of it, and maybe I could pass that along.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saints and I have a testimony of Jesus Christ.

I believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God, and in that sense, my elder brother.

I believe that He lived on the earth and performed miracles.

I believe He is loving, kind, merciful, and perfect. I have my very own, and very personal relationship with Him and am constantly striving to strengthen that relationship.

I believe that He atoned for my sins and suffered and died on the cross so that I could be forgiven for my weaknesses and have the chance to return to live with my Heavenly Father.

I believe that it is ONLY through his mercy and grace that anyone can be saved.

I believe he is literally our Redeemer, our Savior, and our Lord.

We teach our children of Him. We pray in His name. We worship Him. We learn of him and try our best to follow his example in our lives. We send our sons and daughters all over the world to spread His gospel and share His teachings.

I believe the Bible to be the word of God, as long as it is translated correctly. I also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God.

I believe it is another testament of Jesus Christ written by prophets in Ancient America. Just as the bible is written by and about the people in the land of Israel and surrounding areas, the Book of Mormon contains the history and God’s dealings with the people who lived in the Americas between approximately 600 BC and 400 AD.

After reading through Sheena's comments, I actually understand the words of Jeffress and feelings of a lot of orthodox Christians better. Clearly there are differences in our faiths. They are right about that. I don't feel as offended as I was when I first heard his words. Luckily, our goal is not to have our understanding of Christ be identical to that of Christian orthodoxy. But I certainly do not believe that makes us un-Christian. I realize now, some people do.

(Read THIS article in the Washington Post about that. It's great.)

But hopefully with so many testimonies being shared, and so much being written about our faith, people will realize that “we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins” (2 Nephi 25:26).

And I guess if they don't, we'll be ok. :)

Guess Who?

Every once in a while we pick something up that I didn't even know I was nostalgic for. And then it's in our home and I feel like we're one step closer to a real, warm, cozy, grown up home. Apparently I have fond memories of "Guess Who?" as a kid. I realize it's just a silly game. I just love how we get to do everything over again as parents.

As for strategy. I try and teach them to start with the broad things to eliminate more characters. "Is your person a boy?" "Is your person blonde?" But they prefer to make it last. They start with "Is yours the girl in the green hat?" "Is yours sticking out his tongue?" Slow and steady. One by one. I should have known since they still refuse to do the edges of the puzzle first. I don't know why I even bother.

Sacrifice

I read this quote a while back on my sister, Lacy's blog. It's not short or sweet or catchy. It wouldn't look that good painted on wood or framed in an etsy shop. It's one you really have to read. And then read again when your three-year-old is full of crazy and your 9-month old is waking up at night and you need reminding that it's THROUGH the sacrifice that you really find happiness. I guess it just really resonated with me. I believe it so whole-heartedly. And it scares me that the world sends such a different message.

“The family by its very nature is an institution based upon righteous self-denial and sacrifice. It is not an individualistic or self-centered organization, but a highly cooperative and other-centered institution. Successful families require that men and women make substantial and long-term sacrifices of their time, money, and personal fulfillment in order to dedicate their efforts to rearing the next generation. Selfishness in any form or degree weakens the bonds that hold families together. The rise of selfishness in our society is the fundamental underlying trend that undermines families and makes successful marriages so difficult. Many today find it irrational to devote so much time and energy to the welfare of the next generation, but if this commitment is not deeply rooted in society, civilization will decline and perish, while children grow up in a moral wasteland, confused, unguided, and unloved.

“Moreover, the sacrifices that fathers and mothers make for their children ultimately will result in the greatest possible happiness for those making the sacrifices. In all of human experience, there are no joys more tender, no love more sweet, no fulfillment higher than that found in the family. Those who honor the calling of righteous parenthood will find their souls refined, their hearts purified, and their minds enlightened by the most important lessons of life. They will rise to far greater heights of happiness than those who engage in the narrow and ultimately unsatisfying pursuit of self.”

Bruce D. Porter, "Defending the family in a troubled world", The Ensign, June 2011.

(I want to be sure and express my compassion and understanding: I know that not everyone is able to have a family and I have witnessed some amazing women give so much of themselves and sacrifice for the people around them. This quote meant a lot to ME because I have three small children.)

She's really SIX

Her real birthday was a little spoiled by the incident. The dun dun dun. So we saved the party for a few weeks later. She wanted a pirate party. I wanted a swim party so that I wouldn't have to come up with games. That part stresses me out and the summer had just been so busy and I was REALLY hoping to keep it simple. My friend, Lizzie has the most amazing house with a beautiful big pool that she was so kind to offer up for it... so we did a pirate pool party.

Last year, I was so concerned with getting some cute birthday party photos that I spent way too much time making things picturesque. Pretty sure Sophia didn't care that the bubbles were labeled or the cupcake toppers were matted. So I decided to take it easy this time.

I let her pick the friend-list and she kept it nice and small. We did pizza, fruit, pirate's booty, and cupcakes. Some of her best friends were there. We swam, Ross led them in a "diving" contest, and they went on a treasure hunt and found an awesome treasure box from Captain Blackbeard (he's a reoccurring story for our kids and might rank up there with Santa.)

It was perfect. Everyone had fun and was sufficiently sugar-crazed by the end. And I could sit back and witness it all. And I still can't believe she's 6.

Reading

One of the reasons first grade has been tough for me, is that Sophia has not been nearly as... interested in reading and writing as I'd hoped. Kindergarten was wonderful, but I did end the year knowing I planned on making up some time over the summer. We tried. And tried and tried. But it just wasn't going the way I'd always pictured it going. My creative attempts and patient voice didn't help, Sophia had decided that school was hard and homework was not fun and while she loves us to read to her, any attempts at getting her to read (even just the words she knows) usually ended badly. She would get so frustrated so quickly.

Her kindergarten teacher had told me once that Sophia's biggest challenge is that she's so hard on herself. So if she struggles with something, she just wants to write it off. She doesn't want to do it and fail. We've really worked on this -- and obviously we've taught her time and time again that everybody makes mistakes... that that's all part of learning and that's why we practice ... yada yada. But she would still get exhausted and frustrated after pointing out a few of her sight words in a book I was reading. I was feeling so discouraged. I want reading and learning to be a fun, positive thing, but she would fight me so much when I tried to work with her on it. Homework time became this combination of me being sugary sweet and dangling all sorts of rewards, her not giving in, me getting sterner, her storming off in frustration, me sneaking off for a mom--time-out.... it was a downward spiral. Too often, we were both grumpy and exhausted by the end.

I felt lost-- "WHAT am I supposed to do? I don't want to push her too much and make reading and learning a negative thing. But I don't want to let her get behind just because she doesn't 'want' to do it. At what point do you teach them--- yeah, sometimes school sucks, but you HAVE to do it if you want to be a smart grown-up. ?" You know?

This is one of the reasons I was so stressed when she didn't get the teacher I'd hoped for. I knew we might have some challenges this year, and I figured the least I could do was get her set up in the best possible situation with a teacher that could 'make learning fun.' Because clearly, I'd failed.

My point in writing this post was positive. I think we may have, quite possibly, maybe just turned a corner. (!!!) I'm still knocking on wood.

But the other day, she grabbed Hop on Pop, a simple Dr. Seuss book perfect for brand new readers. One I've tried to get her interested in reading since kinder. She said, "I want to read this mom." And she read it all. Of course I knew she could. But now SHE knows she can. She was so excited that she could read a whole book... she kept saying these amazing things I've always wanted to hear like:

"I love reading mom"

"I want to read this book again and again and again mom"

" I want to read forever and ever mom... reading is SOO much fun."

Oh my.

Pinch me.

Ever since, she's been carrying it around, reading it here and there. She came in our room the next morning and started reading it aloud at 6am. Usually we'd make them be quiet--- this time we didn't.

She's picking up other books and trying them out, realizing how many words she knows, and how many she can figure out. And always, I can see it on her face, the astonishment and pride that she just strung together a whole story.

I feel like it's changed her whole attitude. I'm still knocking on wood... but it's soooo much better. And I feel like we may have just turned a really big corner. This girl makes me so proud.

This is Carman and Tony

More on the other blog.

A shoot from right BEFORE my hard drive crashed

More on the other blog.

Soccer.... Round 2

(Poor girl would usually have her hair pulled back, but this was the weekend I was gone for the Ragnar so obviously she had the same hair all weekend.)

So.... we're doing soccer again this year. I may have... sort of accidentally, sort of intentionally let the deadline slip and skipped the sign ups. Then Ross was all heart-broken about it and Sophia kept talking about how she couldn't wait for soccer to start up again (so she could get a snow-cone afterwards... but still) so I scrambled and emailed and called and got on a wait-list and while we were in Hawaii, Ross's dad signed her up. We were committed... again. Even after last year's wonderful experience.

And if you read that post from last year... you'll know that this is A BIG DEAL:

SHE LOVES IT!... and she's (ahem) GOOD! It's like something just clicked and she realized that if she just GO's... few girls will really get in her way. And if she GO's all the way to the goal, she'll score one. She never scored a goal last year. And in the two games this year, she scored once in the first game, and three times in the second. I missed the first game but witnessed it all come together in the second... and it really did feel like once she scored one... it aaaaalllll made sense.

There's still hope of that happy soccer-mom I once dreamed I'd be. Let's talk when our spectating is accompanied by sub 100-degree temps.

Oh, and you love bath time...

Finn-man,

In a few days, you'll be nine months old. NINE months. That's about as long as you spent growing in my tummy. You've got two older sisters (as you can tell by the cinderella you're holding in the first photo) who have been through this stage and yet every day, I'm still amazed. Amazed that a year ago, you were still forming finger nails and such, floating around with your eyes shut, busy giving me all sorts of heart burn and doing dances on my sciatic nerve. And now? well now you've got all kinds of tricks.

-You're developing quite the sense of humor and love to lean back and bonk your head on your highchair while you eat, and laugh about it.

- You talk when you cry... and I can only imagine what you're trying to say. We all know you've heard plenty of whining and crying and complaining in our house to learn a thing or two about it. Heaven help us. You are already learning to chatter through your woes.

-You still love to nurse and I'm SOOO relieved after being apart from you for Hawaii, AND a weekend for the Ragnar. I've had more than enough of being away from you for a while.

- You just got your two bottom teeth and you didn't appreciate it. I think you're working on your two top now, and it's meant that you're waking up around 4:30, which is unusual in our house, but I almost don't mind. Just you and me snuggled up when the house is so quiet and still.

-OH I almost forgot... you started crawling!! A few weeks ago, at about 8 and a half months. And now you're all over the place. And I've never seen a cuter bum wiggling through the air.

- You KNOW me, and miss me. And I MISS you.

-You've learned to hate diaper changes and I have to pull out all the stops to keep you happy and on your back.... it usually involves a random item hanging from my teeth for you to try and grab WHILE I'm laying you down.

- Although, most of the time, you are a happy, sweet, even-tempered baby. You are relaxed and giggly and full of joy. You are one of the good ones.

- We think you're the best one.

- Your sisters say you're the cutest, and then take it back and say, "but every baby in the whole world is the cutest" (because they're nice like that), and then I tell them it's ok to say you're the very cutest. Because you're ours. And you are.

The Rest of the Ragnar

So the night before it all started, we rolled into town just before 4, with plenty of time to check in to our hotel, and get ready for a fun dinner out in San Francisco.

(All of these 'in the city' photos are from Lizzie.)

First time I've ever taken the trolley... I could just FEEL how picturesque it was. Hanging on to the handle while riding into the sunset. No matter that I was hanging on for dear life and millimeters away from being squished between mine and the oncoming trolley, and my purse was accidentally resting in an old foreign woman's lap in front of me, and two men that smelled like garlic were sandwiched on either side of me... a bit closer than I'd have preferred.

I love this shot Lizzie got of Roxeanne.

This is teacher Robyn, Mila's preschool teacher. I've heard stories since the race, of how she thought about every other van-member's strengths, and that's what got her through her 3 mile hill. Or how she declined music, so she could pray while she ran. :) I love this girl. She is one of the most gentle, kind, women I know. We were all reminded why she's the one who can handle teaching our children, while raising four of her own.

Ordering at Boudin. I know I look focused. Let me just confess that ordering at a restaurant can really be an ordeal for me. The problem is that it's just so important to me that I make the right decision. I get emotional about food, you see, and I hate wishing I ordered something else. In a perfect world, I'd have one of everything. I love food. It's a serious dilemma.

Tara and I decided to share the crab feast. And just in case you go there and the menu persuades you that it's enough to share by the title of "feast" and the waiter assures you that it's enough to share with large hand gestures... don't be deceived. It was NOT a feast. Although we are two nursing mamas, Tara... maybe we'll blame the fact that a "feast" is not enough for us on our beefy baby boys.

Now... back to the Ragnar... which started the next day at 4:30. Ok it started at 6. But we had to wake up at 4:30. Which we had just done the day before to drive up to San Fran. All this knowing we would get no sleep the night of the race. oh boy.

We literally ran past and through vineyards like this one. The scenery was so beautiful. I almost wish I was wearing Ross' head cam. But not really-- that head-light was annoying enough.

Meet van 1:

I ran track in high school. But that's about where it ended. I've run on and off over the years when I didn't have a gym membership. But I was never in it for distance, and probably rarely ran over three miles. When this was first planned, I was a little terrified for the distances. And of course the idea of running three different runs in the course of a day and a half with no sleep. Plus I had just had Finn and had like 40 extra pounds on still and had a hard time running up my stairs.

BUT--- as it turns out, I got off pretty easy with two 4.5 mile runs and a 5.8. Jenie had a 9.2, and Dayna had a 7 miler, and after last minute leg-changes from Ragnar, most of the girls in the other van had a 7 or 8 mile leg! Some of them a couple of them... I'm amazed at all of them still. I don't think I could have done it.

Pumping was.... a fun addition. Thanks for not being too grossed out by the water bottles filled with milk in the cooler, ladies. That stuff is liquid gold.We finished the first day at like 11 pm, at which point van 2 picked up with their second legs. They had it rough with those hours. If we were able to sleep, it would have been nice to sleep those hours from like midnight to 4. But we had a little mishap with the rag-mag (the ragnar magazine full of maps and directions that they try to keep very confusing just to toy with our already exhausted minds).

We finished up our second legs with Lizzie and then Karley. Lizzie came through the shoot with sheer anger on her face at the Ragnar for sending her through a pitch black "forest" with little to no signage directing her which way to go. She back tracked and tacked on milage to find other runners to join up with. Later they came across two random men (not runners) in the middle of the forest watching them. A little creepy, especially if your a 30 year old woman running all by yourself at 11pm. A while after her run, we got a text from Ragnar saying there were reports of "harassers on leg 17" and to watch out.

Thanks ragnar. Seeing as we finished 284 out of 330 teams, I'm gonna guess that text was a bit late for most.

We were all a bit freaked out, and sent Karlely off on her next leg determined to stay right on her. (Lizzie's didn't allow us to follow at all.) We stayed close to Karley, and it's a good thing we did since it still scared her to death. It was pitch black, she had like 3 feet of shoulder on a fast, windy, busy road, and dark trees and bushes on her left. It really was scary. I had always envisioned this big group of people... like for sure you would have people in front of you and behind you at all times. But there were lots of times when you didn't see anyone for miles.

Anyway, we ended our legs emotional and happy everyone was ok. Off to the high school gym for some sleep and possibly a shower?

We get there, and it's dark. Only a couple of vans in the parking lot and no gym open. We talk to one of the other vans

right place?

think so!

where is everyone?

Don't know... we'll watch for porta potties...

oh hooray (a little later) they've arrived... must be in the right place.. why is it closed? Who knows... we're tired... brains working slower... reconfirm address- it's right... check the rag-mag... weird. Where are all the people? Where do we sleep?

So we take out all of the seats in Lizzie's van and attempt to sleep with four of us on the floor and two in the front seats. I think I would have rather been running. It's a funny memory. But it was an awful nap. I was unsure how my body would work after being bent up like a pretzel for 3 hours. Dayna was wedged under the luggage and managed to sleep. Lizzie, Brooke and I were all in a row and had to be perfectly spooning to fit. And my knees were tucked up by my belly. If I tried to turn the opposite way of Lizzie, our bums would hit and my knees wouldn't fit anywhere. Sometimes I stuck them straight up to the ceiling to stretch... I probably slept for a scattered 30-45 minutes... it was... an experience.

But the worst part was when I headed for the shoot that morning and got a text from the other van, "where are you?"... I look around and don't see them. Look at Lizzie confused. And then it hit us. We were at the wrong exchange.

It was a huge bummer for van 2 since they had to wait for us to pack up our van now and drive over to the correct school. It was sickening to me that a mere FOUR miles away was the school we could have slept at--- stretching out on a highschool gym floor never sounded so good.

But we survived it all... and started our last legs at like 4:30 or 5 that next morning.

I almost grew to love these babies. Not bad for portas.

Jenie on her LAST leg--- 9.2 miles. Mostly uphill. I think Ragnar should try harder to frontload the runs... and give the longest legs at the beginning and have them taper off. But then maybe that's supposed to be part of the challenge. No thanks. I did not envy Jenie, having to muster up the energy for this after two other runs and not ONE wink of sleep. This was a little after 6 am.

And this was when she was all done. Ahhh...

Brooke ran into Nordstrom to use the potty during Lizzie's run and came back with a new necklace. Of course she did. She's the one who named our team, mind you.

The girls in my van.

And the girls in van 2:

We are all friends from church. Stacy and Karley have both moved away over the last year and a half or so, and we still got them to come back and join us for the fun! I feel really lucky to have such an amazing network of moms and dear friends out here. I never would have guessed there'd be so many gems in one place.

The Real Housewives captains, and their diamond rings...

I thought it'd be the kind of thing that I might do again if you asked me in six months when I'd forgotten the pain. But I honestly felt like I'd sign up for another one right in the middle of it. Even bent in half in that van. There were challenges, but it was more fun than I ever would have guessed. There are bandwagons that are just worth jumping on. And this ragnar thing-- I get it. SO fun.