Thursday, November 12, 2009

What came to my mind NOW.

- We have cloud cover today and it makes me feel all warm and tingly.

- I'm so happy to have NOTHING official on my schedule today besides preschool pick-up. It's been a busy week.

- Something happened to me after kids where I cry-- a little bit-- all the time. If ever it seems I should say something out loud, but instead, I'm quiet, pretend to be clearing my throat or something, I'm really choking down a cry. It happens at the most ridiculous times... and I'm not talking like Zales or EPT commercials... those are givens. No. no,no. More like children's books, ALL hymns at church, and lessons from zee on noggin. I'm talking like me on the elliptical at the gym with ANY book that has any KIND of a powerful moment (happy, sad, exciting, ANYTHING but boring... me - on elliptical- sobbing quietly--- it gets even harder to control it when my body's exhausted at the same time- if ever you catch me running outside with my kids- a rare occasion-- there's a good chance my mind has wandered to something to make me cry. Don't be alarmed.) Or me in my car with Mylie Cyrus' new "party in the usa" song on the radio. I know right? Are you scratching your head? Because it's not sad-- and I can't even stand her. But apparently she just speaks to me with all of the nodding and the hip-moving ... it must be hard to be a prematurely-rich, arrogant, country-girl in LA with butterflies. Or at least my hormones think so.

- NO I'm not pregnant. The crying has been a problem since I had Sophia. I think my hormones are permanently altered. Altered to make me look weak and vulnerable-- I'm still trying to figure out why that would be part of the plan.

- Is it "legal" to listen to Christmas music yet? Because we are. And again... with the warm and tingly. Oh I love this time of year.

- Thanksgiving is at my house this year with my fam-- too bad I haven't had any time to get my house ready. So many plans and dreams!

- Ooh but I did paint Sophia's lamp bases turquoise the other day and I'm LOVING them. One of the many before/afters I plan on blogging eventually.

- Lacy and Joe come in ONE WEEK--- and all the fun starts at Disney Land! It happens to be on Mila's b-day, so I can't decide if that's the celebration, or if I still want cupcakes and presents.... hmmm....

- This Saturday I'm photographing a big Jewish Baby-Naming in San Diego. I'm nervous. Sometimes I hate that I have to pretend I'm not nervous or SUPER self-critical on this blog for fear that clients will see it. And then I'm embarrassed to even use the word "clients" on this blog for fear my friends will see it and think I'm taking myself too seriously. And then I keep thinking about how my mom told me she stopped caring what people thought by the time she was 30... and I figure I've got a longer ways to go than I'd like in this next year and a half.

- Should I grow my hair long or keep it short? Any opinions -- (refer to bullet above-- still cut my hair for the approval of others)?

- Was any of this worth writing... not sure... but no time to reconsider...

PUBLISH.

14 comments:

mWm said...

I'm in TROUBLE bc I cry all the time lately and I don't even have kids yet!

As for your hair...I like it the length it is now :)

Lowdogg said...

Keep the hair long.

We're excited to see you too.

I was with you on the crying until Hannah Montana.

I'm going to try and see how often I can make you cry (with happy things) while we are there.

Lindsay Griffeth said...

I'm totally with you on the crying ALL of the time for no reason! The tears just come. And come. Glad I'm not alone.

Please post before/after photos sooner than later. I steal a lot of ideas from you! :)

alliehoopes said...

just remembered you also do fabulous at the huge groups. mostly remembering one with like 58 people all standing in a big hunk of a line. that there is a gift. i hate doing those. but you should because you're good. and i'm with ya on crying. most recently that i remember trick or treating just our street on halloween with lily just beaming and sighing every other house how she looooves halloween. oh then the other day when she makes sure to pick the little unfortunate girl during her turn at duck duck goose.

The Yardley's said...

im a total basket case. glad im not the only one...

Jenie said...

I'm right there with you. I've been trying to figure it out because I'm starting to think it's a real problem. I was thanking someone the other day for a nice thing they did and started to tear up. I was meeting with a "client" (there I said it) the other day and listening to her story and trying to respond, I was teary-eyed. Is that professional or what? If you figure it out, let me know because right now I'm thinking I shouldn't be allowed in public for a while. :)

TnD said...

I hope your baby naming isn't also a bris. Cross your fingers it is a little girl.

moliver said...

I loved reading this post. I am totally feeling you on all of that stuff, especially the crying. I tend to express emotion with tears too, it doesn't matter which emotion it is, it just comes out of my eyes. You are not alone, embrace it.

moliver said...

Oh, I forgot to mention in my comment, The cloud cover! I had to comment on that too! We had an overcast day too and it made me so happy! I wanted to be outside all day (except for the fact that we live right next to a field and it smells like manure right now). But it was still beautiful! After growing up in SD and being ripped away from the constant beauty, we really appreciate days like these, don't we?

Becky in NY said...

I think something happens to us with motherhood. I cry over all the same emotions as you. I even cry when children other than mine make their parents proud. It's terrible. The other weekend we were at a varsity football game and I cried everytime they made a touchdown, six I might add. I even teared up when my friend was cheering for her cheerleading neice at the game. Nothing like choking down the tears! I think it just means we are extra sentimental. Then there are times when I laugh at strange things - like when I'm at the other end of carrying something REALLY heavy or when my husband is choking (not on food but from a cough) at the dinner table! Do you laugh like that?

Autumn said...

Lillie, I am sure you don't remember me, but I'm a friend of Ross's from home (that being Walnut Creek)--I just wanted to let you know that I think your girls and so darling and I loved discovering your blog and seeing what your cute family is up too.
-Autumn

brooke said...

I understand the crying thing all too well. I feel like I tear up everyday, and mine is not just when I'm pregnant either.
I love the short hair...doesn't growing it out take too long?
Can't wait to hear how the pictures go, I hope your next week isn't as busy as the past week!

Becky said...

YES- Christmas music is so legal. in fact it's illegal to not be listening to it by now. funny thing hormones are, funny the things you cry about too. i think it's sweet though. it means you have a soft heart. i like your hair shoulder length and wavy. it's my fav style on you. you can pull anything off though really. have fun with Lacy and tell her hello for me.

HMB said...

Awwww....it comes with being a great mommy...those moments pass, but the warm and tingly stay forever...

Then you snap out...and get back taming the feral animal that has taken over your children!!!!

And I L- to -the-OVE your hair!