A few links.

New photo post here.

Choosing between this bed, or this bed ... what's your vote? The first one, I LOVE the posts, but the headboard has some woven rattan-ish thing which I'm not loving.

Put music on my website (the wrong way because I could not for the life of me figure out how to do it the right way.) Yay or nay. On music in general? First song in particular? Is it too sad? Wrong vibe? I saw it on SYTYCD and fell in love.

Speaking of SYTYCD. Does anyone else love love love that show but feel totally depressed watching all of those amazing, strong, flawless bodies dance while you sit on the couch eating moose tracks, corn chex, and bananas, feeling terribly chubby?

or is it just me?

Two new additions.

I've wanted to blog these since I got 'em. Check out my new lamps! I was totally NOT in need of new lamps, went to Home Goods during Sophia's Speech Therapy to kill time since the childcare at my gym was closed-- thought it would be a safer bet than Target. Not so much.

(yeah that's an empty frame above my bed... three of 'em, and I won't tell you how long they've been empty. It's a little problem of mine.)

Next on the list, a BED. I've been looking for months now but can't find an affordable one that I love. Here's one that I really love. (Scroll down 'till you see the four-post master bed. But be prepared to drool over every thing you pass on the way. She's got one of those houses that's bad for me to look at-- makes me want to change EVERYTHING in mine.) Haven't found it in a King yet...

The 'Romantic Getaway'

It's nearing midnight and I just don't know where all the time in my life has gone. I have so much in my head I want to write but can't seem to find the time these days. To some people, this blog thing is silly. To some it's used to document the most significant things. Some mostly for words, some mostly for pictures. Some are pure works of art. I'm struggling lately because I really love to write. I don't want to just squeeze in the necessary bullets, it feels good to me to write. Like really write. It's theraputic and really satisfying when I feel like I at least almost put into words exactly how I felt about something precious or awful... whatever, in my life..

But I also have my new love of photos and all that comes with that, which manages to take up quite a bit of time. (Check here to see the latest.) Then there's... you know... LIFE. my GIRLS. ROSS... John and Kate Plus Eight ... and lots of other very important things that fill up the minutes of every day. We're back in real life for one whole day so far and I'm already TOTALLY overwhelmed with the things on my to do list!! And my life is really good. 2 kids, not 8. No scandel. A new tan. And a hubbie who really loves me. Let me just say, everyone should get away sans those precious little kids. This was the most fun we've had together since... maybe ever. He was cuter and funnier than he's ever been. He made me feel cuter and funnier than I've ever been.

I never forgot that I liked him, or why I liked him, but as it turns out there were just bundles of new reasons to add to the collection. :) I'm feeling the urge to quote EnVogue... "what a man what a man what a man..... "... are you singing? you get it.

We suffered through a time share presentation that got so bad four hours in, ROSS got rude. you heard me right. Ross got rude. But it made for great conversation for the rest of our trip. There wasn't a day during the trip where we wouldn't remember over burgers, or in the car, or while we brushed our teeth, or watched John and Kate, one more lame thing Brian said. One more story that was clearly fabricated like the one where he unknowingly ate the peanuts that his nana had sucked all the chocolate off of (which Ross informed me was an old boy scout story), one more ridiculous extrapolation about how our marriage would fail just like the couple in his very credible three-ring-binder if we didn't buy a Lawrence Welk Time Share. I mean, he was quoting a laminated piece of paper. And I think my marriage is worth more than $3.86 a day. Does that really work on people Brian? Oh... what we'll do for a little incentive.

After that, we headed to Newport where we slept in, laid by the pool, ate a bunch of yummy food, wandered Balboa Island, rented bikes and road along the beach, ended up at the beach, laid out on Ross' extra t-shirt (it's amazing what you DON'T need to pack when you're without kids right? ... Saw Angels and Demons (pretty good... but they just never compare to the books of course.)... and lots more.. or not much more which is what made it so wonderful.... oh it was wonderful... and now it's after 12 since I've been typing like a turtle watching Bachelorette next to my sleeping husband.... and I think my muscle relaxers kicking in (I'm feeling my neck flare up today).... I may reread this in the morning and wish I hadn't hit publish... who knows... I'm going for it... enjoy our vacation in pictures.

Enjoying our Balboa Bar and frozen banana.. The banana... eh. The bar, YUM.
Yes, that's Ross looking at Newport Real Estate. We can dream right? Well then that house up top, that's mine.

Life is good.

We almost bought bikes... we're sold. It's just a matter of when now. SO fun.

I know it's been done (the phone-pic thing)... but not by me so what the heck. The mouth one of Ross had us rolling for hours. I still get that jolt in my chest when I look at it and like I said... I'm drugged....(I just reread this and peeked up at the photo again and that jolt escaped my throat again. oh it kills me... oh yeah and clearly, I found a new obsession with John and Kate plus Eight since TLC had a marathon on which is what I turned to anytime I turned the hotel tv on. They got me. The scandel got me. I'm hooked now. She really is a nightmare, but it's all so so sad.

Thanks Brooke, for letting me borrow every dress I wore while we were there. :) Who would want to wear their own clothes when they could wear yours?

Del Mar 2009

The quickest way to blog part one of our vacation: collages! SURPRISE!


So we started in Del Mar with the Smiths, where they have a family beach house. We got there Fri night, put our kids down, ate a bunch of mint oreos and talked 'till midnight while Ross snored on the couch. (He was getting sick.) Then Saturday brought breakfast at Pipes in Cardiff, and a nice walk to the beach where the girls threw rocks in the water for like an hour straight. Why oh why don't we live here? I swear my life would be so much better, my kids would be happier, our lungs would be filled with less dust. Ross is convinced our hair would be shinier, our clothing hipper, our bodies fitter, our testimonies stronger, everything... EVERYTHING would be better were we closer to the ocean.... We love the ocean. Who doesn't?

If you're answer is "me", don't comment on this blog, you're not a welcome reader anymore.

JUST KIDDING.

but not really. what are you? martian?

Saturday night we planned on going to a Padre game and doing the grass seats where we'd then proceed to get our $5 hotdog, cookie, popcorn, soda, and peanuts meal that Ryan was so excited about, (even though he's allergic to peanuts and despises the smell, he was going to take one for the team in the name of affordable dinner for all.) BREATH... but after paying for our $20 parking, (2 cars) we realized the tickets were sold out. bummer. So we wandered downtown, ate at Fridays (where we thought we were being so honest by telling the waiter he accidentally charged us $5 for our meals and he said... oops, just add it on my tip, so we did just that, still felt lucky, and then saw a commercial for Fridays that night where we learned of their very UNsecret $5 salads and sandwiches for a limited time. scoundrel.)


After Fridays, we stuffed every last nook and cranny of our bellies with GHIRADELLI sundaes... YUM. while the kids got balloon animals from the crazy dude out front. Not such a bad night after all.

Sunday--- La Jolla Cove. Few places in the world are better (in my opinion... and I HAVE been to like 15 of the 15 billion "places" in the world.)

I know I know... we're so lucky to have such great friends.... with family smart enough to buy a home in Del Mar a long long time ago. Some day Ross... some day.

Del Mar

First morning on vacation! So I'm not really posting. But I put a few more photos from the wedding on my photo blog... so.... check 'em out!!!

that's all.

Jackie and Michael

Soooo many more to come later on the photo blog, but we leave town today and I don't know WHEN I'm going to have time for it, so I had to post at least a couple from the first round of this little courthouse WEDDING I did yesterday!

Just because I got this new dark grey seamless paper and this new blue cowboy hat...and I have a daughter with the biggest eyes you've ever seen...

(more with a different precious face on my utha blog.)

Some Bullets: from me to you-- in a very nonviolent way.

- Here's one from my latest shoot with the Balls. Check out some more on my photoblog.

-I've decided that I think in bullets, since my kids don't really allow me to transition fluidly through my thoughts, so writing in bullets is sometimes SO much more natural.

- Today while I cleaned the toy room, the girls grabbed handfuls of frozen chicken nuggets and scattered them around my family room.

- While I cleaned up the frozen nuggets, they dumped out toys in the toy room as fast as they could until the floor was once again covered- per usual. And I was quickly reminded of why I NEVER clean up the toy room. Eight minutes. I will never. get back.

-Later I found an orange bell pepper in my couch. Like a whole one. What?

- Even later I found a pile of peanut butter pretzels on the carpet in my bedroom... very crumby ones. Evidently someone discovered an old snack bag in my purse from church.

- Sometimes cleaning consumes me and I can't go to sleep on the night of my birthday after a great date because I have to mop until midnight or else the thought of the sticky spots might haunt me in my sleep.

- And then sometimes I think cleaning is so overrated and that if I really want a clean house, I'm going to fill my days with cleaning- and there won't be time for anything else. And then in ten years, what do I have? Will my house really be that much cleaner than the next mama's?

-On a different note, I'm trying to limit my time on the computer after Sophia answered her Mother's Day Preschool Questionnaire with this: (notice the 6th reason, the one my friend Rachelle-- Miss Shel--- so lovingly put a smile next to.)

- "I love my mommy because she plays on the computer." sad.

- I finally ran out of my Kirkland brand laundry detergent and can start my GAIN. I could SO be on a commercial for GAIN. I would totally be one of those angels sniffing the clothes right off the line. Yum.

- I'm getting my hair done tomorrow- I'm thinking super blonde. Like maybe super duper blonde. I don't know, we'll see.

- If any one's still interested in a San Diego Session, Monday the 18th is still available. Any of you desert families want to drive out of the heat and enjoy some breezy, non-sweaty family photos?

-I'm 28. And it's going to take a different entry to tell you what I sort of got for my birthday. Holy cow it's exciting. Are you in suspense? You should be. a hint? Ok maybe one. It's related to the bullet preceding this bullet. Uh huh. Just wait.

Family Shoot at the Beach Anyone??

There's too much too blog about. If we weren't leaving for Disneyland in a few hours, this would probably be one of those days where I could do a few SEPARATE posts with the same date... because one long one might not do each topic justice. But I'm going to start with business. :)

We're going to SD this weekend with some friends, and then the following weekend for a romantic getaway while my parents watch the girls (!!!!!!!!:):):):).... I'm a little excited for that) ...so I'm considering staying down there for the few days in between.....

This would mean I would have three availabilities for San Diego photo-sessions, if anyone is interested.

- Dates: May 18th, or 20th?
-It's a Mon, or Wed. Tuesday's booked.
-We'd start around 6 or 6:30pm and go until we're out of that lovely light. :)
-We could do them wherever you like. The beach, a park, downtown, a field.....

If you (or someone you know) is interested :), let me know asap. You can comment here or email me (lillie_biesinger@yahoo.com). And just in case you're a casual passer-by, how about a peek at my site.

Oh and I updated the photo-blog with four gorgeous faces. Can you guess which one is not in her twenties? It took me a minute. Seriously.

The Train.

Lizzie and I got a sitter and went looking for good photo spots one day and THIS was one of my favorites. (She's a sport for letting me post these. She wasn't really looking to be my model that day.) Each car was a different color, all sorts of graffiti of course... which made me think it sat there all the time. So when I did Shannon and her family (the last little blonde family) we went looking for it and it was gone. Bummer. What good is a train if it's always moving?? lame.

(Why does spellcheck always correct blonde to blond. Don't we use the "e"?? I'm keeping it this time.)

In Honor of Our 6-Year Anniversary, One Day Late

Every time someone asks us how we met, I tell the story with a few less details than the last time someone asked. Maybe because I'm tired of telling it, but maybe because I'm forgetting some incredibly insignificant details. Or seemingly so.

I've decided that the old-lady-me deserves to know all the details the young-me knew. I worry that if I don't get the whole story in writing sometime soon... it will one day just disappear and become some distant memory that I'm unsure is even truly a memory, or some movie plot, or book, or dream, or mixture of all four. I've already had that happen with my little-girl memories. I could have sworn I ran carefree down a slight incline of wild weeds and flowers regularly growing up. Nope. We never lived in a little house on a prairie. But see, when I'm really old, I may not be so deductive.

So here goes-- it's long, so either save yourself and check-out now, or pull up a seat... and some tissue (in case you're the kind that hates cheesy and you laugh so hard you spit or something.)

......................

I'd say it started with Ali... no maybe right before. With the boy before Ross, that broke up with me. It was bad for the ego... like he officially dumped me.... but good for the long run of course. I remember being so confused, especially because I'd been doing Body For Life. What? But at whatever rate, I was single. And decided it was time to enjoy that phase. I regret to say I was one of those girls that usually had a boyfriend. I've gotten to know college friends better through blogging and feel pretty jipped that I was too busy dating to get the full girl-friend experience in college. Anyway... tangent... so after not dating for a little while, I remember my friend Ali (a friend I'd had since the 6th grade that did NOT believe in settling) telling me it was time I pick the boy I wanted to date, instead of just dating whoever chose me. It was sort of empowering... like I could actually have just what I wanted?? So that's what was on my mind when I entered the Periodical Section that day. Well that and the fact that I really needed a nap.

So I went down the stairs to the Periodical section, walked through all the swiveling heads (not because they were looking at me, don't get me wrong, but because that is what happened on this floor of the library, it was like you were on a runway to get to the back of the library) to the big glass wall and the big comfy chairs in the back. I squished my two armed chairs together to form a little closed-in bed, took my shoes off, and snuggled in. I'm going to assume I didn't drool or snore, (or worse!) , or everything may have turned out dreadfully different.

When I awoke from my slumber is when I saw him. Sittin' there all cute and rosy-cheeked and broad-shouldered, studying away--- or at least pretending to. (It turns out he took stock of me before my nap, so knowing him now, I'm thinking he was pretending to read while he really read me from the corner of his eye. ;)) So I put my shoes back on, gathered my stuff for studying, and nonchalantly took a seat at his table.

I remember saying something funny about the nap as I sat down, I think.. this is where it gets fuzzy... Ross, do you remember the conversation?? I remember that I never read a word, that we whispered for the next 30 minutes or so until he asked for my number (which he says he'd never done before after just meeting someone and now that I know him I can imagine was TOTALLY out of his nature) and had to race off for a class... and here's where things got sticky.

As he stood up and raced off, I thought he looked short. Uh oh.

I'm like 5'10", and I'd dated short boys before, but I was on a mission remember? To find what I wanted. And if I could choose, I definitely wanted a tall boy that made me feel a little less like an amazon-woman and more like a lady. So I was a teensie bit deterred.

So he called some days later. I can't remember how many, but he asked me out for that Friday, and I was busy that Friday. He called a week or so later, always a little too late in the week because I was busy that Friday too... I remembered thinking, "why doesn't he just say, 'well how about Saturday? Or next Friday?' until we found a day," but he thought (as he told me later) that would seem far too desperate or pushy... so he just continued his weekly call for another week or two, until I'd managed to.... ahem.... get into a relationship. This time I had to tell him, "you took too long, now I'm dating someone."

I remember thinking it was totally his fault for not securing a date earlier, now I know my husband is NOT the pushy type. He likes to take his time making decisions. He likes to let things run their course. He is the relationship-sustainer at Morgan Stanley and not the closer. Thank goodness the sustaining part is what really matters in marriage right?

So that was all in November of 2001. I remembered thinking this boy I was dating was not going to last and I may have made a big mistake. I hadn't even gotten his last name! What if I never saw him again! I had no way of finding him on the stalker-net if I didn't have his last name! And then I ran into him and his brother Zach one day at the Cougar Eat when I went for my ginormous wrap and roll. I had him mention his last name. Biesinger. (i before e, accept after c.) I wrote it down.

March rolls around, I don't know why we didn't re-meet sooner than that since the semester started in January right? But he was a business major, I was a minor, so we both spent some time in the Tanner Building. I started seeing him here and there and I remember feeling relieved, like he was back in my life. I'd been given another chance. :) We'd shared a couple glances and smiles and passed each other on the stairs a few times. Then one day I remember walking down the stairs and seeing him sitting at the bottom with a newspaper (remember the pretending-to-read look in the library) well he was doing that SO much worse. I'd caught him glance up a couple of times but then as I got closer he kept his head unnaturally downward until the very last minute, then looked up with that little I-couldn't-lie-to-save-my-life accidental smirk and said all surprised-like ..."heyyyyyy."

And this is where I can almost say... and the rest was history.

but it wasn't quite yet.

Oh I forgot to mention, it turns out that while his 6'3", lean stature may have been a tiny bit dwarfed by my extra-large brothers and dad upon joining my family, he definitely wasn't short. We still argue over whether it was just my eyes or his corduroy pants or skate shoes that didn't do him justice....

So the dating started with now-married Matt and Lyndi, dinner at the Macaroni Grill, and The Johnny B. hypnotist show. It became exclusive pretty quickly and I still remember at the end of the semester when he went home for a week or so... I was bored out of my mind, empty, so sad and blah. Blah blah blah... like NOTHING was fun without him. I didn't look forward to anything or crave anything or laugh at much. Blah. I could have sworn I was perfectly happy before him. But not anymore. All I felt without him was blah. I remember my mom saying, "I think it's love."

It was.

But don't worry, I still made him say it first. But I may have seriously encouraged it with a deep and serious conversation of all the things I loved about him. He probably just used the trusty three words so he wouldn't have to come up with a long list in response. Oldest trick in the book.

At the end of the semester, he was going to travel the country for a summer job with Lowes and I was going to China to teach English. China fell through... I found plan B... nannying in Hawaii for an old friend of my dad. An old friend with a young co-worker that he hoped to get to join the church with a bit of blond bait.

(This is the part we usually don't tell in the story, but we're six years in and we can finally really laugh about it... and figure it was all part of the plan. Right Ross?)

But I will keep it short. I missed him miserably for the first 7 of the 9 weeks or so. Then got stupid and broke up with him over the phone so I could kiss the stupid boy in Hawaii. GASP! ( I know. Anyone who gave up on this long story a couple of paragraphs ago is really missing out right?) I know. But we were on a break!!!!!! So technical. This is one of those things in the journal where I lose track when I try to count my blessings.

I did of course come home from Hawaii sick and guilt-ridden. I'd convinced myself that I didn't need to tell him because we weren't going to be together anyway. But then he decided to stop by my house when we were both back in Provo and my heart stopped. What had I done?

I still tried to convince myself we weren't meant to be together, the drive-thru voice, the cell-phone-addiction, the corduroy pants he once wore... those were reasons it could never be, right? Plus I could NEVER get back together with him now.

A: That would mean I'd have to tell him about the boy, at which point he would probably paint a big red letter on me and throw me in that stinky Provo lake.

B: That would make me that girl that just can't be alone-- like I kissed the boy in Hawaii JUST because he was there (which was painfully true) and now I wanted Ross back because he was here. (Which turned out NOT to be true.) No, we could never get back together.

But then we went for a drive to the new house I was moving into with my girlfriends and sat on Sarah's bed (did you know that, Sarah?) where he begged for more of an explanation... none of it added up and he knew it. I finally dished. I was sure it would just make it easy for him to wipe his hands clean of me. But he forgave. I still remember how that felt. He was hurt and angry and took some time... but then said "is that why? Because I still love you." And there are few moments in my life where I felt as relieved and light and HOPEful as right then.

We still gave it some time. I think we even thought we'd try again after a break. But just a few days later I was outside of his apartment talking to my mom and sister in my car getting their approval that I was NOT just being a stupid girl, and I had indeed just made a HUGE mistake, and how on earth was I supposed to ever focus on anything in my life ever again if I didn't take care of this all-consuming need to BE WITH HIM!?? So I knocked on his door and told him. Told him I was an idiot, and in love, and had committed to NOT beg for him back unless I knew I wanted to marry him and here I was. I was ready. Whenever he was.

So we dated... and I waited... and he proposed in November on a cliff overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge.

NOW the rest is history.

Under Pressure

So I got this anonymous comment on my last post that I'm pretty sure, unless I'm totally guilty of tone-through-technology-misperception (did you follow that? I should coin it "TTTM") was telling me my post was BORing. How rude. I saw on some one's sidebar once "If you can't say something nice, don't say it on this blog." I might have to steal that.

Now I'm feeling all this pressure to be interesting and it's just not helping the creative juices. Ross and the girls are in Orange County seeing his family, my Achievement-Day-Girls Mothers-Day Breakfast is over, and I've got this empty, quiet house to myself, nobody tugging at my brain-strings... I should be taking advantage of it all with some great story I usually don't have time to tell!. But Mr. Sour-puss-anonymous ruined it for me. Too much pressure.

I'm off to have the Butterfish tonight at Roy's for our anniversary. I still remember blogging about it last year for the same occasion. I'll spare you the mouth-watering description of it this time, but if you haven't gone yet and you have one close by... GO. amazing.

(Oh and the photo above is from my most recent shoot of one of the cutest little blond families you've seen---just wanted to post one over here.)