The lament of a mommy... (a long one-- you might want to opt out, or find a comfy spot in the couch.)

The house is quiet-- the girls are sleeping. All should be well with the world. Accept that my mind is busy with thoughts of this:

It shouldn't be that hard to get a total of TWO things accomplished during the day outside of keeping my kids alive and my house somewhat in order. But today? The gym and the store. That's all I was shooting for. Both before nap-time--- also doesn't sound like much of a feat you think? I know. It's sad really.

So I put Mila down early for her morning nap so we'll be SURE to get to the gym before Sophia is already getting sleepy--- it works, we arrive there before 11--- (not very early, I know, but just humor me and pat my back) the gym is a success, which it has NOT been for the last couple of months of Mila's separation anxiety onset, and I even squeeze in tanning. (I can't believe I just confessed that. It's humiliating-- I know I'm not 17 anymore and I know it's not good for my skin and I know it makes you stink like burning flesh and I know I'll regret it when I'm ... ahem 29 (I'm already seeing signs of age) but that's just it--- I had to. I keep hitting these slumps of "what is going on with my face? where did all the pretty go?" you know those slumps? And there's only so much you can do to make yourself feel a little prettier in 15 minutes and that's one of them. So there. Hah. Judge all you want.

Anyway--- back to the gym--- a whole workout-- upper body, AND cardio PLUS the tanning. We were off to a really good start. ( Except for the fact that there was even time for a moment with the scale... sigh) Mila was so infatuated with the newly crafted hanging spiders and pumpkins she hardly noticed my absence. Hooray! So efficient. Every one's doing so well, I packed peanut butter and jelly. Let's go for it. On to the store. (Again, I realize how pathetic it all sounds, but something has been awry with Sophia's naps lately and I'm JUST not ready to let them go, not even close, and traveling at the wrong time and missing that sleepy mark messes it all up so I've been a little LESS ambitious these days. )

So we make it to the store with everyone alert and relatively happy. We shop and shop and shop and shop. I'm feeling like I hit the jackpot as SO many of our staples are half off at F&E today. I load up on pesto and salmon and crusty bread and chicken, hamburgers and lettuce and spinach artichoke dip (have you tried that yet? It's really good and pretty light, no cream or butter, just some Parmesan ...mmmm mmm). My kids have devoured like 4 bananas, half a cart of raspberries, and a couple of string cheeses. Mila broke into the grapes without my noticing and I'm stepping on them as she drops them. Her once soft and sweet baby face is covered with squished banana, sticky grape juice and (dare I say) dirt... yup, because they weren't washed and were indeed that dirty.

Sophia's skipping around the store and running where I can't see her which I ALWAYS say will result in being confined to the cart, but I never follow through with seeing as I have no room for her amidst the half-off curry-chicken and garlic artisan bread! So I've made my scene, we're clobbering our way through the store ever so UN-gracefully (I even catch someone watching me dance very un-cool-like to make my girls laugh when I thought nobody was looking) strangers keep informing me of the grape stuck to the bottom of my shoe or that Mila looks like she might climb out, or that my eldest is banging the cart into the refrigerator section.... but I keep pushing through because we're here, and we're almost done, and I'm so excited to EAT some of this food. And then I reach the checkout and ... of course I still have to ring it up myself because it's Fresh and Easy and that's how it works so I battle my three-year-old who wants to help by putting everything on the belt before I scan it and screams when I pull it back to scan it "NO I DO IT!!!!!... and I'm distracted because I'm finding things like salami and pork burgers that I never put in the cart... Sophia..... and then I'm finally done and reach for my wallet.

And there is no wallet.

It's still in Ross' backpack from Disneyland... that's what I get for not doing a DARN thing yesterday. I didn't even notice it wasn't in my purse.

Blast.

Certainly there must be some way to pay with no form of payment. An I.O.U? A call for my husband's credit card number? Keep my eldest? ;) Nothing? Really?

So just like that, we wasted an hour of our precious time, put the store in disarray, left bagged groceries (many of which had already been eaten!) just sitting there, and said goodbye. It was definitely nap time by then and there was no way I was driving all the way home and back.

So now I'm home--- they both fell asleep on the way home, which is wonderful, but I feel like my whole day was a total flop now, because I couldn't get my groceries home. And THERE is my problem. Really? Grocery shopping and the gym? That's what I do. I have watched so many moms who seem to be so incredible at this job (my own included) and sometimes I just think it's so stinkin hard. Not even the whole crazy-kids-who-scream-and-cry-and-throw-fits-and-make-you-crazy. It's just really hard to get to the end of the day feeling exhausted and totally unaccomplished, all at the same time. Before kids, it seemed much simpler. Either I was busy and had lots to show for my day-- or I was free and had a wonderfully lazy day. Both have something to offer. But all too often now, I find myself trying to attack that ONE extra thing on my to-do-list for days before I get around to it. Which really means I checked off one whole thing in like an entire week! I'm not making money, I'm not hitting goals, I'm not winning in ANY kind of competition, but neither am I getting lots of R&R and me-time in. WHAT AM I DOING ALL DAY?

THAT's what I think is maybe the hardest thing about being a mom for me. Ross doesn't care what I do all day, he's not quizzing me or judging my productivity... and I'm sure nobody else is either... but I constantly feel like "I was busy --- I swear I was really busy--- but I haven't a thing to show for it." (Believe me, I know that these two things I call my girls are better than any accomplishment in the whole wide world... but don't interrupt my ramblings with something so obvious please.;))

I loved school, and I hated it. I hated working... and I loved it (I switch the order because I hated working more than I loved it, I'll admit). I love competition. I love being able to quantify how good you are at something so that there's really no room to wonder where you fall. I think it's why I liked math. So objective. And see, now that I'm a mom? I bet I won't remember a darn thing once my kids are learning algebra... what was the point?!

So maybe I should take some classes or something.. but when would I have time for that? What with all the ..... gym and grocery store runs.... and the cleaning.... and the feeding, and the cleaning up again after the feeding, and the cleaning up of the messes that were made while I was cleaning up after the feeding.... oh the life I lead!

To sum it up: I feel like writing. I like to ramble. But I AM so grateful for my two coolest little girls. There just has to be opposition in all things right? Motherhood can't ONLY be tutus and big blue eyes or I probably wouldn't appreciate both of those things so much. But I'm just reaching a point in my life where I understand why women go back to work even if they don't have to, or start a business or take on great new hobbies. We're not supposed to compete as moms--- that's all wrong---- but what if we like competition?! It's time for me to get really good at something... any ideas? Anyone want to play competitive scrabble or something?

Just a little sneak peak at one of my precious pests...

Disneyland!

Sophia's second time there. Ross' first as a dad. We've got season passes so we're committed. ;) And I'm glad----- I am. But it's kind of hard with the little one. MUCH easier with Ross there, but still a little hard with one that can't walk but is NOT always content in the jogger. It actually may have been just fine if Ross hadn't throw his back out upon arrival when lifting the jogger off the tram.

Don't get me wrong. It was Disneyland, and so it was magical. ESPECIALLY the parade. I LOVE that parade. And the ice cream. I LOVE eating ice cream at D-land. (But I had it set in my head to get some during the parade, and we hadn't had dinner yet, so after fighting my way through the crowds to find Ross and the girls holding three dripping, melting sundaes while everyone stared, I ate a huge sundae on an empty stomach and drove all the way home sick-- oops am I being negative again?). Anyway-- of course if I lived 20 minutes away, I might want to go weekly for a couple of hours in the afternoon. It is a pretty extraordinary place. But I think it's going to get a little bit better as Mila gets older and Sophia gets less afraid of all the super noisy, psychedelic rides (honestly, they didn't seem so freaky until I was sitting next to my already scared three-year-old, but they are REALLY trying to saturate your senses in those indoor ones.) Phew!

So here's a few pictures.

Dad's 60th!

I always feel like I've got grand ideas for posts-- but no time to get around to them... so it's either delay delay delay... with great potential-- or I'll just post my photos and say this:

He turned 60. What a handsome 60-year-old eh?

His friend Paul and his wife hosted the party and it was the real deal. We got to celebrate at their gorgeous home out here in the desert, eat tons of yummy food, listen to his Frank-Sinatra-impersonating friend sing, swim, and just eat up the good company. Happy Birthday Daddy!!

Because I'm always looking for a way to squeeze in more of their gorgeous framed faces in my house...

But honestly just because we were doing a frame project in her room and she was playing with the frame just like so... so I had to run and grab the camera. Never in a million years would she actually do this on cue. If she's smiling in a photo-- it's because she's having FUN. What you see is what you get. Gotta respect her a little for it. But it makes it IMPOSSIBLE to get a cute family photo. Of course we could get creative and be like... in action, so she'd be happy. But mommy's don't always look so good in action. So I've noticed. Tough combination.

Some Tibbitts

That's their last name. I got to take some family photos

for a friend the other day... thought it might be fun to see some new faces on my blog. :)

Live Oak Pumpkin Patch 2008

This year we went with the Lamms. I wanted SO badly to be in sweaters and jeans...just to really make it feel like Fall.

I was pushing it with the jeans.

But it was still pretty close to perfect. There were pumpkins, a green wooden wagon, slides, kettle corn, a monkey who could stick dollars in his pocket (a little creepy and slave slash freak-show- like), and hay. I've always wanted bales of hay for my porch. So we bought some. Ross said "NEVER AGAIN" since apparently there will be little pieces of hay in our car for the rest of our lives. But whatever. I have hay on my porch. It's soooo Fall in the 98 degree desert.

Just because I don't want it to be COMPLETELY back to blonde by the time you see a photo... and then you'll never believe I thing I say...

(Taken on Ross' blackberry--- hence, that professional feel. I'm going to make sure and get one from the side or back so you can see more of the original dark.)

We ate Miso Salmon and Slider Burgers at Cheesecake Factory, then saw Fireproof, with Lizzie and Shad. Heard of it? Either had I. Lizzie had heard it was good from someone at church. :) Which makes sense. It was CRAZY at first that it was in a real theatre and that we paid REAL money, since it felt exactly like a seminary video only a little less Mormon and a little more Born-Again. (Kurt Cameron is the main character if that explains something). But it turns out--- we liked it. Kind of a lot. I mean once we looked at it as more of a "Charlie", or "God's Army" or some other super-cheesy but surprisingly touching semi-religious film, and less of a "Backdraft (edited of course :)) or other actual Fireman movie. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I saw a movie that really honors marriage. Like a real marriage, not just a comically bad one or a happily-ever-after one. And really teaches that it's worth working your tail off, that it's not all about you and looking out for yourself even if that IS what the whole world preaches, and that as much as we want to think love is enough, we need that Divine help in the mix. While I cringed a little at the terrible acting etc... I left reminded of how important it is to think of the other, to serve him, to surprise and be kind and thoughtful and understanding. We left holding hands and talking fast and furious, both with so much to say, so little time, eating up the precious minutes before our heads hit the pillows and our sweet children awoke us in the morning filling most of our brain cells with them. :)...sigh.... that is why date nights are OH so important..... until the next one...

TGIF

Going on a real live date tonight. Babysitter, hair done, and all. Date nights just feel so rare these days. So do hair-out-of-pony days. All in all it's a big night. Might even see a movie. Maybe we'll take a picture and I'll actually post one of my hair. Speaking of.... I like it now-- hooray! -- It faded a bunch and I've figured out where I can part it so the highlights are more subtle. By the time I get a picture of it, it will have faded so much you'll never believe my hair saga. But it was true. Bright and dark and red and true.

Happy Friday!

Dilemmas of a Mommy

I saw a ladybug costume in Martha Stewart Living last year and have thought since then that I would make one for Sophia for this year. Well it's getting awfully close and who am I kidding? Haven't taken up that craft yet.--- Making things. Especially things that involve fabric of any kind, even if it is just tying or gluing.... or whatever it is. So I started my search, fell in love with lots of ladybugs and bumblebees (oh yeah, I figured Mila would match her with a yellow tutu as a b.bee), and then I saw this gorgeous petti-skirt:



And thought... I really want that for photos, and this website has them for a little less money than most, maybe she could be like a ....mermaid?

And then there was this... a fairy for the second year in a row? But it's so cute--- and can you really ever go wrong with a fairy??

There were lots more. Enough to take up FAR too much time today while Sophia was at preschool. I'll spare you the EXTENT of the dilemma. But really--- there are SOOOO many cute things you can do with a tutu (or petti). I think I'm officially a mommy-of-girlies now. Because I officially want to own EVERY tutu and I want lots of excuses to dress them up and really.... I mean really... is there any rule that says they can't just wear tutus instead of (---insert word for staple clothing to cover your little ones bum here) every day???

I am obsessed with the poofs.

Can we just take a moment?.....

To celebrate my 2 year blogger anniversary!

October 11, 2006---- that's when Missy's encouragement finally got to me and I started with no promise of upkeep. Sophia was barely a year, and Mila a distant glimmer in Ross' eye (or my eye? how does that go?) And now two years later?...... who'd have known I'd be a total junkie who shares too much (and so gets hate comments from random strangers on first political blog in 2 years) and posts too many pictures (but thank goodness I do because I just got my BLURB BOOK in the mail and it is PURE GOLD to me, since I've completely stopped printing pictures unless they're being framed.) So I guess it's all worth it to me. It's really become a wonderful outlet and hobby for me. It makes everything a little more fun, knowing I've got a great place to document it later. Not to mention I get to learn from, be inspired by, and feel UNDERSTOOD by so many great friends I might not otherwise be in touch with. Which reminds me, I sure hope nobody ever feels obligated to read my blog, like you're committed through precedant... we are all SO busy, it's hard enough to keep your own up. Skip or stop whenever you want, but at the same time I need to confess that I absolutely LOVE your comments, your thoughts, your blogs. I love it all. Thanks for reading sometimes. And thanks for sharing your lives right back.

So I just thought I should squeeze in a post tonight in honor of 2 YEARS and as a shout out to the blog! Hooray for technology right?

So on a different note-- my official Oct. 11 post is this--- Heath is here while Mel and Mike get one last hoorah in Palm Springs before their new little baby girl is born in December. So the weather decided to cooperate and we had a GORGEOUS 70-something degree day (first one since the Spring) and got to soak it up at the Living Desert. We actually just happened to run into Lizzie and Shad, so Sophia got to enjoy some Tanner- time too--- crucial to my little one's happiness.