Wish us luck

It feels like I've been awaiting this day for SO much longer than 9 months. or whatever it is... but it's here. It's tomorrow. At 7:30 am. I'm full of nerves and excitement and jitters and terror (when I think too much about the actual surgery.) But so far I don't feel any nerves really for having a new baby. I know it will be hard. I know it's always hard and I can only imagine my head will spin with three... but I don't feel scared for that- not yet. Just so ready to meet him and snuggle with Ross and my two anxious girls and stare at his tiny fingers and tiny toes. In just a little over eight hours.

We'd better get to bed.

My Western Baby Shower at Brooke's house!

So yummy-- so fun... good loot. Thankyou Brooke and Lizzie! And everyone else who gave me cute boy stuff. :) I'm feeling much more prepared... like maybe he won't end up wearing his sister's hand-me-downs.

UGGs, ikea, and baby names

I got myself an early Christmas present. I know I'm like 3 years behind on this... but meet my first pair of UGG boots. They're much cuter on Mila.

I got them from this discount UGG website out of the UK. Everywhere else they were like $160 and they were only $84 here! I got nervous that maybe they'd never come or something.... but they did! And now I'm wishing I got the tall ones that are --- what like $240?? And only 86 at this place. Just thought I'd let you know in case this is your big UGG year too... you're welcome.

Ross did the last big Ikea trip for me today when he was in SD for work... got the girls beds, got the baby's dresser... some frames.... and the crib arrived on the doorstep while he was gone! This weekend means BIZ-ness. Poor Ross is going to be following stick figure ikea directions all day Saturday. But hopefully my little guy will have a cute room to come home to. In..... exactly three weeks from today!!!!!

Ok, so names--- I always debate getting opinions or not. Even sharing them or not. I really wanted to commit to one early this time. I always thought it'd be nice to get used to the name for months beforehand like others do.... then maybe I'd actually feel comfortable USING it when they're itty bitty. The name is always kind of weird to me. I end up saying "the baby" for months... it feels so formal to assign this whole name to this tiny little nugget for me.

But as usual... we're not decided. But I do think we have it narrowed down to three.

Finn (not short for anything, and no NOT from Glee... that's the only drawback for me.)

Oliver (and I DO like the nickname Ollie... I've heard some think it's girly... Mila thinks it's girly-- I don't.

Hudson- Not really shorten-able.... but nice and manly.

Middle names confuse me all the more... and I just might be over making it SOUND good like you're supposed to do... because I'm pretty sure he'll have a family name. All bets are off...

AHHHH! It feels like it's right here. I'm a little over 36 weeks... have another appointment tomorrow. Feeling very unmotivated to get to the gym these days if the girls don't want to go. So much to do at home and so little hope for my poor growing body anyway. I don't even recognize my legs anymore. I'm probably the most excited to get SOME version of a quad muscle back--- My belly will take forever, I remember that--- but I'm hoping I might recognize my legs in a couple of months???

I just reread that and don't have energy to fix anything--- apparently my brain is feeling incredibly pregnant as well.... can only seem to come up with very. short. sentences.

Go buy your UGGs.

31 weeks

- I'd usually prefer to cut off the opposite part, and leave just the head.... seems ironic. (That weird line at the top is the top of my computer armoire... which casts a reflection-- hence the giraffe-look. Took me a second..)

- Once I hit 30 weeks, I felt like I was in the home stretch.... but now I already feel like I've run out of steam... forgot to pace myself... and just might wack one of these last hurdles with my knee and fall on my face like I did in high school. Less literally.

-If ONLY it were just 330 meters.... feels more like a marathon. Or like that crazy cross-country run that Forrest Gump did. No I would NOT know what that feels like. (The marathon I mean... the other is clearly too obvious to mention) I haven't joined that craze yet.

- But I want to after this baby comes. I think I need a competitive goal after it's all over. Not a marathon... but some real race. Maybe a fun one. Like a Ragnar.... is it just us Mormons or is it a new craze with everyone? I'm feeling nervous about this whole third-time thing. Like maybe things will never really go back where they started. I think a new goal might help.

- This photo? That's pretty much my uniform, I get in one of my black pairs of workout pants, and one of my long enough black tanks (I like other colors... but seem to only find them long enough in black???) every morning before the gym, and take my sweet time changing out of it. Finding something else... even just to wander the house, has proven to be EXTREMELY challenging. I really don't remember it being this bad with the last ones.

- People constantly ask me when I'm due and then act shocked that it's not sooner. It's great.

- Something positive? He moves like a crazy animal and I LOVE it. I see my belly jolting out of the corner of my eye all day long.... this is what I miss when it's over. I think it's amazing to feel this tiny person I'm going to love so INTENSELY, growing and moving around so cozy and safe inside my belly. Bonding with me. I love it.

- Not so positive: (some more, I should say) Are you ready? These last couple of nights have been the worst sleep ever, with:

-My usual crippling sciatic pain at the slightest movement.

-A very impatient bladder that unfortunately requires more than slight movement.

- Like a THOUSAND calf cramps that pull me out of sleep, with that confusing... do I stretch it or relax it.... I'm too tired to remember! battle going on in my head.

- Then of course I have a stupid cold that makes me feel like I'm drowning (gross I know, where you're swallowing all night long so you can still breathe.) And I'm scared because I remember feeling like once I got a cold when I was pregnant before.... my body could never kick it. Crossing fingers.

- Mixed with the results from getting the Pertussis vaccine the other day. She warned me that my arm would be pretty sore... I was thinking like a little bruise. I DIDN'T think it would make it so I couldn't sleep comfortably on my right side which is how I ALWAYS sleep right now so I can have my fan blowing right in my face. What's an overheated pregnant woman to do?

-Why didn't she offer to do it in my LEFT arm? So it wouldn't kill every time I lift it to pass a sippy back in the car or put dishes back in the cupboard, or brush my hair teeth? (who am I kidding... I don't brush my hair.)

- I'm aware that I don't use bullets right.... no consistency. Still- I think it's how my mind works these days. If it works. I've fixed SO many weird spelling/grammar or totally nonsensical mistakes just as I've written this. I'm sure you'll find more.

- I feel a little like Gloria from Modern Family... and English is my first language.

- That's misleading. English is my only language.

-Was that not the funniest episode ever? "Welcome to the Nay-ber-hoooood...." I can still hear her weird Americanized Latin voice and a laugh rises to my throat every time. "Who wants to live in a world where dogs eat dogs?!"

- Back to pregnancy--- you'll be happy you're still reading if you've made it this far... weight gain? dun dun dun----- 39 pounds. And I still have 8 weeks to go. I'm pretty sure my last pregnancies capped out at 40. I'm blaming the boy.

- I've got so much left to do--- I haven't bought him anything... I bought the paint for the room but that's as far as I've gotten. We've got a list of names, but are very noncommittal. And I'm realizing that weekends are filling up and with the holidays--- he's going to be here before we know it. Even if I do feel like my body might give up far before then.

- I can't wait. I know it's going to be hard and overwhelming--- and we'll be tired--- and I'll long for the days of huge firm belly when it's sloshing around afterwards (sorry for that visual-- particularly if you're a boy)--- but I still can't wait. I can't wait to be forced to ignore everything else when possible--- and just lay with him snuggled into me on the couch at night-- or watch him rise and fall on Ross' chest with his breathing. Or bring the girls home from school just to gather around and watch him be cute. I can't wait to see his face in the operating room (c-sections), and I can't wait 'till that same face REALLY focuses on my face for the first time a few weeks later. And then smiles.... and then smiles at his sisters.... and yet I know I'll want to freeze him right away and just watch his body arch into the C when he yawns for the rest of my life.

- I can't wait.

Dreaming up baby rooms...

I've never REALLY done a nursery that I love. Sophia's was just so long ago, my tastes changed so quickly, and then Mila was born right before a move, so we didn't do much and she shared the guest room. Then there was just too much new house, too little money--- I was sworn to frugality. So we went super basic in this house too. I REALLY want to do something super cute for "the boy."

If only my taste didn't change so fast and I'd bought a crib I LOVED the first time around! Sophia's crib was dark, and I really wanted white for Mila, so I bought her that cheap ikea crib... which I've been thinking I would reuse. Until I thought about it for two seconds one day and realized it's totally curvy and feminine. Shoot. So I'll need aNOTHER crib!?

And as much as I'd love this crib, or something like it..... I'll probably be getting this crib. Since it's like 99 bucks. It seems SO silly to buy two cheap ikea cribs two babies in a row..... any suggestions? I can't get away with those curves for a boy can I? Am I already pushing it with all of the peaceful tones?

Are you into this stuff? If so, here's some links.

- fabric for bumper

-The place on etsy where you can pay someone who KNOWS how to sew, to make one for you.

- print of boy walking lion

- rocker

- basket-- but they have a cute one at Target right now for 39 that would get the job done.

- pouf (the one thing I LOVE but might not be able to justify, since it's NOT cheap. But there are some cheaper options like this one, or this one, or this one.)

- coral rug

- dresser

- light fixture

- bamboo shade-- I know they have ones I like at Target.

- round mirror

- pillow

- I am a child of God print

Oh and my painted on "knobs" on the dresser are because I got these cute bamboo-colored drawer knobs on sale at anthropologie. Did I mention one just opened here in the desert?!

20 weeks

I've been working on a couple of baby shoots, while my own kicks like mad, especially when I'm bent over and squishing him at the computer... I can't wait 'till he's on the other side of the camera.

20 weeks on Monday... I'm half way there!

Feeling good:

- No nausea since like 10 weeks... I got LUCKY this time. If I get really hungry, my gag reflex kicks in a little strong, but I'm good at eating, so I've got that covered.

- All foods sound good. Especially sandwiches covered in pepperoncinnis... and sushi... not on a sandwich, just normal sushi. Good thing I'm not SUPPOSED to eat sushi right now. yikes.

- Energy level--- ehhh--- it's been better... it's been worse. I think as long as I drag myself to bed after midnight and get woken up by two little scurrying mice by 6am.... I'm going to feel at best---- ehhh. I'm usually tired.

- I know I complain about this a lot-- but I really don't know what to wear right now. I stay in my work-out clothes for most of the day and dread even finding a t-shirt to throw on with sweats around the house. The whole world looks like they're shrinking to me... and I am Amazon Woman.

- A continuation, but that bullet was getting too long--- I feel like I'm growing so quickly. Everywhere. I think I may even be forming two new stretch marks. Stretch marks. Before 20 weeks! That doesn't even make sense. But I swear I'm seeing the beginnings, and I'm a little concerned for what that means for the next 20 weeks. A lot. concerned.

- The worst discomfort is my back slash sciatic. The sciatic pain can be nothing or like a 20 on a scale of 1-10. It's just so extreme and when it strikes, I feel like a hundred-year-old lady--- dragging my legs in a shuffle to get around.

- My skin gets really pretty when I'm pregnant. I can see the red patch on my chin in both of my hospital photos with the births of my girls. And now, in the mirror. It must be something hormonal.

- I know I'm sounding very lovely. A stretch-marked, red-chinned, leg-shuffling 100 yr old lady in spandex. Pregnancy does wonders for my vanity.

- BUT--- I get smiles from strangers all the time now (if I'm wearing something tight where they're less confused and more certain).

- Sophia talks and makes silly faces to my belly all day long and tells me how much she's going to LOVE this baby. Any time she bumps my belly--- she worries she's hurt him and apologizes to him.

- I'm growing a BABY. It never gets old to me. And while I will ALWAYS find it very easy to form a long list of grievances, I love to be pregnant. I hate it, but I really love it. Every night when I go to sleep, I rest my hands on my belly to feel him and fall asleep with that little rush of excitement that something very -----big---- is happening in our lives. And it just makes the list seem so much shorter.

19 weeks- It's officially official now--- we had the REAL anatomy ultrasound

His eyes welled up and his cheeks blushed and his chest puffed out with pride when he saw that little bit between the legs above. Can you see it? we're looking at belly, legs, and bit. Oh and he laughed. He always laughs when he cries.

Just because everyone asks me how Ross reacted.

And me? I am SO excited and noticing darling little boys and rad little boy clothes more than ever before--- I feel him move all of the time and although he's already done a number on my sciatic, and he's already making me have to pee a hundred times a day, and he's already caused my wardrobe to be limited to elastic-waisted Target skirts...

I'm so, completely, and utterly in LOVE with him.

Slugs and Snails

I want this vignette in my baby's room. Maybe I'll just print it out and frame it since I'll never find a piece of furniture like that…. without taking out some equity in our ho----- … oh wait… what's that?…

I've been thinking a lot about this boy thing.

Do I have to learn to cut hair? Do I have to pay someone to cut his hair? Don't you have to give boys haircuts??? how often? How do you know what…. shape?

Do I have to save extra time before church to put on real socks and shoes instead of "sunday flip-flops"? … real shoes stress me out.

Do I have to tuck in his shirt? Put on a tie? Real or fake? I think church with a boy is stressing me out. Maybe I'll make that Ross' territory.

And should I even mention all of the different bits and pieces? I'm a bit nervous for all of that. I feel like I'll need to learn diapers all over again. And the--- ahem--- … surgery… early on…. I'm already anxious. I've heard stories.

But guess what? I was laying in bed a couple of nights ago and I felt---- the most distinct little kick. I know I've been feeling little bits of movement over the last 2 weeks or so, the kind you wouldn't recognize during your first pregnancy, and the kind the doctor disregards as…. (gas)… but you know better.

But THIS time… well this time, I felt that little kick… and quickly put my hand in place, and I felt that little kick again--- even on the OUTSIDE.

It's official-

And there are few things I love more in life than feeling my babies move. Those little flutters that make it all real--- like he's reminding you that he's in there getting to know you're voice and your heart beat and your vibe. It almost makes up for all of that garbage that comes with pregnancy. (and by garbage, I mean back-fat.)

I went to sleep with my hand on my belly and a smile on my face…. and I really did dream of my baby boy all night long.

I'm in love. Socks, shoes, bad hair cuts and all.

But do I have to give in to star wars?

OH yeah…. and I forgot to come back to this particular subject...

Dear Mila,

You said you wanted a baby sister… Sophia said she wanted a baby brother… she already has a baby sister, you know?

She says we already have too many girls and only one boy in our house. She's got a point.

I told you both we didn't have a say. As it turns out, it's not really up to us.

I felt a lot of pressure that I should want a boy. But you guys filled my heart up so full I couldn't imagine wanting or needing anything different! I've gotten very comfortable with pig tails and leggings and princess figurines.

So Heavenly Father decided to set me straight and show me the hole we've had, that we didn't know we had. The one that should be filled with cars and trains and dirt and little checkerboard vans….

I won't lie--- I'm NERVOUS!!!!! But thrilled…. I think we'll like him. And I'm pretty sure he'll be WELL taken care of, what with three mommies and all. You guys are READY.

I came home from my appointment on Monday (only 15 weeks) and both of you were so irritated and disappointed because you'd misunderstood me and apparently thought the baby was coming out. Scary that adults might think the same thing by the looks of me. Good thing he'll be SO worth it.

Love,

Mom