A sneak peek

So this is a glimpse of my girls' room. Did I mention I went with the black beds? It's still super plain though... with temporary white curtains up on the bigger window and white bedding, and nothing but that round green pillow. I need to paint that dingy night stand and I need some serious color additions. Here are some fabrics I'm looking at for pillows or other projects....

It's Friday! I'm thrilled about that. The weeks have seemed a bit long lately, with the kids sick and home from school, then Ross sick all last weekend, then out of town at the beginning of the week... it's like every day has blended into the next. Looking forward to some guiltless Friday-night take-out and maybe even a date tomorrow!

The "kids" --- it's not just "girls" anymore, strange.

Anyone who asks for clothing suggestions before a shoot gets the same answer from me. "Wear color, layers, textures, patters... avoid black or white... BORING--- but WHATEVER you do, avoid everyone matching in solid white or black tops... puh-lease... "

oops. We were home sick from school.... It was past four and the light was almost gone and I thought... let's do something productive today and pull out the seamless paper and see if we get anything good. We didn't want to mess with Finn and pull his clothes off, I knew that would just make it FAR too much trouble for what I was up for that day. So he wore whatever he was wearing when we unswaddled him. And since the girls fight me on every outfit right now and I knew I'd pull the plug if it got too complicated, I instinctively went simple and grabbed the skirts and white tops.

What a horrible boring hypocrite I am. I'm ashamed. But still sharing. Because the love and the dimples and the button noses still make my heart stop. Just don't follow my example.

Big Sisters

People always told me there would be serious perks to having girls first. I'm sure I'll have my share of concerns when Finn wants to play with princesses or learns to throw a fit like my drama-queens thanks to their example. But right now, I'm feeling so grateful for the pride they take in their rolls as big sisters.

In some ways, it's so much easier than the first and second time around. I've got two helpers that are jumping at the opportunity to grab me diapers or wipes from the diaper drawer, a burp cloth when I've forgotten one and can hear that spit up is imminent, or a glass of water when I'm all situated to nurse and realize I'm painfully parched.

They race upstairs to pop his binkie back in his mouth if he's fussing during a nap, and even know how to hold it in long enough for him to get a good hold on it before they let go. They sing and coo and and hug and kiss and apply lots of hand-sanitizer. They love to read him stories, and since I'm feeling the stress right now about Sophia learning to read, I'm really hoping that by your third, the older siblings do the teaching. That would really make my life easier.

What? My mom said I went to Kinder knowing how to read and she had NO idea until the teacher told her, that I could. Doesn't even know who to give the credit to. I was the fifth of six--- LIKE she had a bunch of free time to teach me.

I know I'm only at three, but a girl can dream. I'm building a team over here.

Finn's Nursery

I kept putting off blogging this... because of course I could add more. And I kept thinking I might get around to it. But I probably won't-- for a while at least. Obviously the room doesn't need two chairs, but I couldn't bare to get rid of the comfy one (with the sloppy slip cover) with nursing and all. Especially because when I sat in the fake eames rocker with my NEGATIVE stomach muscles I felt like I'd fall straight back. But it's cute, right? :) If/when I move that, I think the room could use a narrow book shelf of some sort for some cute (dare I say) knick knacks? and books etc... in that corner. I still have the ikea rocking moose I plan on painting white, and tried to order this moroccan pouf from amazon but the vendor never shipped it. Bummer. Still gonna get my hands on one.

But this is Finn's nursery--- I wanted it to be simple and clean and light with lots of natural textures. I love it.

This feels presumptuous to post my purchases like everyone would want to know. But when I'm getting ideas from other blogs, I LOVE when they post the products. So a quick run down:

crib- amazon

fabric for bedding from premier fabric- made by my friend Brooke's mom

bamboo shade- overstock

modern rocker- I got it from Caitlyn Creer when she was selling them on her blog, but they have them on overstock.

sheepskin rug- ikea

light fixture- ikea

dresser- ikea

drawer pulls- anthropologie sale

mirror- an old Homegoods purchase that had been booted out of all of it's spots in my house

boy walking lion print- Sarah Jane Studios on etsy-- I love her darling prints.

Good Morning Sunshine print-- This vintage poster website

All frames- ikea

maps- a random $20 Costco purchase last year-- It came with two maps and I cut one large map in half and framed it here.

paint colors- classic gray by benjamin moore all over-- the darker gray stripes?-- I can't remember! It's a martha color... I wanted to say Bedmoor gray or something... but I think I made that up because it sounds like Benjamin Moore... hmmm.. I'll remember tonight when I'm going to sleep.

So we had our OWN pirate party

It's been over a month of relentless illness in our house. Who knows if it's one crazy horrible bug or if a new one starts before the old one finishes... but it's been SUPER fun. Ross is still in bed this morning with a fever, wrapped up in sweats and a sweatshirt in the same bed that I sweat through my one tiny layer each night. (Ok maybe that's the post-baby hormonal night-sweats--- CRAZY--- but still, it's NOT cold up there.)

Can I just confess that I think few things are worse than a sick husband? I'll probably regret this confession. But I think it's the worst. You're sorry for them that they're miserable, but you don't have room in your heart to be THAT sorry, because you're too busy taking care of your kids and yourself who are also sick. And your super selfish side can't help but remember that you just had a c-section a few weeks ago and--- dangit--- does this mean the being-taken-care-of phase is long gone and this is what it's been replaced with? Bummer. But-- oh yeah-- bigger bummer for him because he feels sick enough to be in bed 'till noon and when else in our lives has he done that? So then you feel like an awful wife that you're kind of annoyed the whole time and not doing that great of a job taking care of him. So conflicted.

Or is this just me? So sorry Ross.

Sophia got hit with a bad fever on Wednesday night and stayed home from school Thursday and Friday. She was SO disappointed to realize she would miss her class pirate party on Friday. That morning we laid in my bed and tried to explain why the fact that her skin was on fire and her head hurt so bad that she couldn't lift it without help, meant she needed to stay home.

We decided we'd have our own pirate party. That did the trick. Turns out her best friend, Kate got sick and had to miss it too... and dropped off a special pink pirate hat that morning at our door. Clearly, Mila needed a pink pirate hat too... hence our lovely homemade one.

We drew pirate pictures, watched a pirate movie (Peter Pan) ... and talked about eating pirate's booty, but we were out, and all too lazy to go to the store. So we ate ice cream cones instead.

Sadly, she complained later that it wasn't that fun of a party and she wished she could have gone to school. But we tried! And I must say, while there are certainly parts of the day where I almost go MAD, I love having a whole day, ALMOST guiltless, to lay around, snuggle, watch movies, and drink juice with my kids.

But I hope everyone's ready for school this week.

I'm not offended!

This was my third baby... I had no illusions that I would spring right back to pre-pregnant shape any time soon. I knew you left the hospital still looking full term. Or I knew I did.

The first week was the hardest, I couldn't even figure out what to throw on to come down and watch TV with my mom and Ross. I couldn't even figure out what to throw on if I was ALONE with the kids-- or what to throw on to sleep. By definition, nothing in my closet (or Ross's, sadly) could be "thrown on". It was more of a peel and shimmy and tuck.

My teenie friend, Lizzie had always told me of times people asked her if she was pregnant after she'd had a baby. I always assured her it was actually a compliment. It meant the REST of her body was still teenie tiny and all she had was tummy left from her 9-pounders. Who wouldn't?

I promised myself (knowing it would happen this time), that it wouldn't even offend me, why WOULDN'T people think I'm pregnant? I'd rather that than have them assume that I ALWAYS sport this.... unique.... figure.

So when I went to the gym yesterday for the first time since I had Finn, and decided to wear a fitted ribbed tank just like I would have before, I knew perfectly well that my very-much-still-over-sized tummy was on display. I had decided it was a lot easier for me to dress like I'm still pregnant and just embrace my very convex profile than to try to find something loose enough to actually be loose.

So obviously I shouldn't have been surprised when this nice random, older man stopped at my elliptical machine and started telling me about his daughter who was in labor RIGHT THEN. He was rattling on about her as I was thinking "hmm.... how nice, he must recognize me from before and know I just had a baby"...

That's what's sad. It didn't click--- until he finally said "so when are you due?"

"Oh..... er... I'm not pregnant, I just HAD a baby--- uh... but I'm not offended!" --- I really did belt that out at the end. In some attempt to convince myself I'd won? I was mature and realistic and fully prepared for those kinds of questions... wasn't even going to phase me... I'd promised myself I wouldn't be offended.

But now there's still this uncomfortable guy in front of me trying to back-pedal as I try desperately to make it all UN-awkward and give him (or me) excuses like "he was almost 10 pounds!" and "it was my third!".... and "you know.... all that holiday eating...sheesh!"... while he's slowly inching back and just repeating--- "well congratulations."

And then I'm left there pretending to read my book on my new kindle (LOVE it)... wondering who around me was tuned in and is now feeling sorry for me. And as I resist the urge to make an announcement on the gym's loud speaker, "NOT offended! Fully prepared for this reaction!--- aware of abnormally large tummy!" I realize that there's just no way around it. I can't protect my pride by convincing everyone I'm fine with my bowl full of jelly. Turns out, it's quite embarrassing- for everyone.

Oh-- if only I could freeze Finn at today but fast-forward my body a couple of months...

He turned 33 yesterday!

And he's still lookin' flyyyyyy......

Red-headed?

Apparently it was one of the first things the nurses said about him, but I didn't hear it. And Ross sent it out like it was fact in a text to family. So then I got texts back that said "red-hair huh??!"... and I didn't get it. Maybe it was the florescent hospital lights or my drugged state. But I saw no red.

Even our first few days home, I saw no red. And then we gave him a bath, his hair got all fuzzy like it does when it's fresh and clean. And now I can't get over it!

Trying to catch it in a few photos. I LOVE it. I wonder if he'll keep it?

While Nana was here...

Nana informed us it was TIME to teach Sophia to ride a real bike without the training wheels. Whoops. Somehow it just hadn't occurred to us yet. Put it on the list.

She stayed a whole week. Got here on Friday when we got home from the hospital----stocked the fridge, made the dinners, got the girls ready every morning, sent them off to school, cleaned my house, kept up my laundry, took the girls on daily bike rides to the park, decorated sugar cookies, made Gingerbread houses because... we still had the kit and why not? and snuggled my darling baby boy in her spare moments. And made me feel like everything was warm and cozy and lovely and perfect, because --- well, she's my mom--- and everything's just right when she's around.

Guess what came today?

My bumper--- custom made by Brooke's darling mom and amazing seamstress. I didn't photograph it yet... but I'm still so excited, you should be too. I had to mention it.

He's not sleeping in his room yet, but I LOVE his room! And I rarely feel like that after a project. Sometimes I go in there just to sit when the house is a mess because the space is so peaceful and clean... pictures soon... for those of you that are in to that sort of thing. I feel like I say that a lot. Maybe because I know there are visitors like my grandpa who don't really care to see decorating ideas. :) So I feel like I need a disclaimer. Anyway---

I wimped out and hit the urgent care today, certain that this had to be a sinus infection or something since it seems like such an awful and LONG cold. But nope--- it's just an awful long cold. The Dr. told me it runs 3 weeks... and ends in the chest. It's moved to my chest and I'm past the two-week mark, so I'm just hoping I'm in the home stretch. Nostrils pretty clear. for those of you that are into that sort of thing. ?????

I'm just GRATEFUL that all of this awful coughing came now, after my c-section pain has pretty much healed... because that first day of coughing was terrifying... sure I was going to bust a stitch. yikes.

Finn's still got a gnarly DRAMATIC cough, but is still eating and sleeping just fine without difficulty breathing. But I feel more paranoid than ever! It just feels like the world is made up of germs-- and he's so precious and unvaccinated and little!--- even though he's big. It's scary having a baby in the winter.... with older kids that go collect diseases all day from all of the other older kids. I feel like I just want him to hurry up and get bigger so I don't have to worry.... and yet I want to freeze time and keep him this little forever.

I honestly don't think there is a better feeling in the world than holding my newborn baby right after a feeding and nuzzling my face into his warm neck and cheek. The way he doesn't pull away and smells like heaven still. As much as my stomach ties in a million knots at the thought of being pregnant again, the thought that one day I'll be holding my LAST baby (probably the next one)--- is worse. I'm already panicking... the way I do as Christmas approaches and I know that the sooner it comes, the sooner it's over and we have to wait a whole year. And I don't think all of the pictures or videos in the world will do this phase justice.

Yes--- still on the babymoon. SOOO sick of the cold-- don't love changing diapers after feeding at 4am, or changing both of our jammies and sleeping on towels after he's thrown up all over me-- but the moment after I get that business done and just get to snuggle him again-- it's so worth it.... a million times over- it's worth it.

Christmas 2010

christmas at nana's 2010 from Lillie Biesinger on Vimeo. Shot with my Canon 5d mark 2 and my 50mm 1.4.

Lazy Sunday

I knew that Sophia would be amazing with Finn, but I wasn't TOTALLY sure how Mila would react. I had high hopes but tried to prepare for the worst since she can be a bit.... unpredictable right now. She's blown me away. She wants to hold him more often and longer than Sophia even. Sometimes when he's ready to eat or MID-meal... but it's still cute. She adores him, talks to him all the time and tells him how she's going to teach him how to walk and how to read. I think being a big sister will bring out her very best.

Today was Stake Conference, which means no normal church meetings or phone calls or lessons to prepare, or responsibilities for Ross. (I wrote myself off either way. :)) It was amazing. We slept in, Ross made waffles, I got a shower AND washed my hair... we ate fudgesicles on the broken trampoline and read a bunch of stories. And Brooke is bringing me dinner (even though I had all day to cook technically) because I just had a baby and that's what we do in the church. I LOVE it.

Happy Sunday.

So sick of being sick, but still taking pictures of my new love

Dear Nasty, Lingering, Ever-evolving, horrible COLD,

You have long-past overstayed your welcome. You were never welcome, but you're really pushing it. I can't handle another day with no air flow through my sinuses. I feel like my head's been dunked in wet cement. And while I'm so grateful that he's still sleeping fine without too much difficulty, when Finn coughs, I hate you even more. Could this have passed to him? Even with all of those antibodies from nursing etc??

And did you know that my sister, Melisa came today and brought me Sprinkles Cupcakes... and I could not taste a THING? Not a thing. And I couldn't bare to eat one since I had to breath through my mouth with every nibble which made me feel like 400 pounds.

I'm sure I'll find a way to get one down. But I hate you all the same.

Lillie

I looked in the mirror and found his eyes OPEN! So I had to photograph it.

(Thank you Rachelle for this darling pod! I still have to get the sleepy shot)

When I've photographed other newborns, I'm DESPERATE for them to be sleepy and peaceful, and somehow I come around with my camera and ruin their patters and they are everything but. But with my own, I find myself so excited when I see his little eyes open and alert and almost saying something to me. Like you know he's smiling inside but his face hasn't figured it out yet.

I know we say babies just sleep and eat and poop. And my girls were the same, but I never get over it. He sleeps ALL day. I try as gently as possible to keep him awake for a little bit after his feedings. I'm a casual baby-wise follower. But at this stage, it's nearly impossible for most of his feedings. There's maybe one or two where he has some alert time for up to an hour or so afterwards. He only cries when he's hungry... which almost never happens since I usually have to wake him up at the four-hour mark to feed him. He wakes up once a night after his 10:30 feeding... at around 4:30 right now, eats and goes right back down 'till I wake him at 8:30 or 9. After suffering through the last few months of pregnancy-sleep, it feels like nothin'.

I remember that babies evolve and go through so MANY phases. But right now--- he is a perfect baby. He is a dreamy, sleepy, luscious, perfect baby.

Now if only I could kick this GNARLY cold and stop stressing about the little bit of congestion in Finn, I'd be really great. I'd be even better if my mom didn't leave this morning. :( Let's hope my tune doesn't change too dramatically without her help! Luckily, my sister Mel comes out tomorrow to see him, and Ross' parents come on Monday... so we'll be on our babymoon for a little while longer.